Sports Blog 2: Electric Blog-aloo

First off, some housekeeping:

Dropped iPhone calls today – 4. This week – 11.

Okay now, onto the show. And that show is “Joe Buck Live” on HBO. Um … wow. What in the hell was Joe B thinking? Yes, I know everyone is talking about Artie Lange’s appearance on the show. And yes, he was insane, rude, funny, drunk (?), loud, funny and funny … but I’m not really talking about that. Any producer who thought it was a good idea to book Artie as one of the first guests on a new show with a format that was unfamiliar to the host should be fired. That’s like letting a 17-year-old Amish boy on his first day of Rumspringa go out with Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton and Amy Winehouse.

The truth is the Artie thing was just a smokescreen, a diversion from the real story. The show stunk. It was a total train wreck of epic proportions. I mean, we are talking Magic Johnson/Chevy Chase/Dennis Miller proportions. It was what I like to call UNWATCHABLE WATCHABLE TV. I couldn’t turn away. I literally held a bite of Trader Joe’s Mac and Cheese near my mouth for the entire show. (I highly recommend the Mac and Cheese by the way. It’s good stuff.)

Since HBO has pretty much locked all video of Artie’s appearance in the vault with naked outtakes of Len Berman on “Inside The NFL” and any copies of George Clooney’s “K Street,” I have included one of the all-time great clips of Howard Stern performing a Fart Version of “Wipeout” on The Magic Hour.



Now look, I do have some experience and insight into producing and writing comedy on television. I have been doing it for the past ten years and I have learned many, many valuable lessons (some the hard way, “Veronica’s Closet,” anyone?).

Here are just two to live by:

First lesson – Comedy is not easy. This pisses me off more than anything. Everybody always feels like, “Hey, Jessica Simpson’s kinda funny. Let's give her a sitcom.” No, don’t give her a show. Put her in an hour show. Somewhere she can hide. If you are not funny, or your material is not good, you can’t hide anywhere. Joe Buck’s clearly a nice guy and he might actually be kinda funny in the booth or when he’s hanging out with his buddies at the steak house … but being funny on TV is a whole ‘nother animal. Ask Emeril. He had a sitcom. (Yes, he did.) Ask Michael Strahan in a few months when his sitcom premieres on Fox. Comedy is the hardest thing to do in show business (live comedy being the hardest of the hardest) and it's offensive to people who actually do it for a living when people like Joe Buck think they can just come in, do funny bits and it will all be good. Once again, I have to ask … what producer in their right mind would let him do bits with Brett Favre (literally the worst Athlete/Actor since Dorn did his American Express commercial in “Major League”), Bud Selig (Bud Selig!!!!!) and the Hall Of Fame announcer guy he was replacing, Bob Costas.

Second Lesson – Know What You Do Well And Know What You Don’t Do Well. This has tripped up so many talented people in show business and sports. Sly Stallone in “Rhinestone”, Michael Jordan in baseball, Lance Bass with women … you get the point. Joe Buck is a great announcer. One of the best in the business. Literally sports announcer royalty. But come on, dude, in what world did he think he could do this kind of show? His “opening” was weird, wobbly and NF (not funny). His interviewing style was stiffer than a kid interviewing his karate coach on a junior high TV show. And then the Artie thing just took it waaaay off the rails. I write comedy, sometimes stupid goofy comedy, and that’s what I am. Yes, I could try and write a “Law & Order” but why? I’m never going to be good at that.

“Joe Buck Live” now exists in a special place for me … joining Brittney and Kevin’s reality show on UPN, “Studio 60 On The Sunset Strip” and Eddie Murphy’s R&B album to name a few as pieces of entertainment that are literally so bad they must be watched.

I can’t wait for the next episode of “Joe Buck Live.” I heard his guests are a monkey who flings his poo on command, the Unabomber and Val Kilmer!

What ranks up there for you guys in horrible Hollywood highlights? Talk to me. Tell me what you think is Unwatchable Watchable TV.