Backfield Penetration

It’s very difficult to concentrate on anything during an extended Phillies’ playoff run. I learned that last year, and the same is true right now. Luckily, I’ve been distracted by one of the busiest weeks of work ever. I wasn’t even able to watch the Phils clinch live on Monday night. What was I doing that was so important? Take a look ...



The Frenchman was telling me the other day about a short-lived talk show featuring a straight comedian who was told by the network that he “tested well with the gays.” Welcome to my world. Here’s a clip from my Tuesday night event featuring Cosmo’s 50 Hottest Bachelors.



And don’t even get me started on the one-on-one interview I did with Valerie Bertinelli yesterday. I referenced two episodes of Oprah so convincingly; she believed I’d actually watched them. Sigh…

I’m so stoked the LCS begins tonight so I can have a bunch of dudes over for some good old masculine fun. I might even remove my shirt if my beard, er, my wife goes to sleep. What? Excuse me?

As I mentioned, I was working on Monday night, so I watched Game 4 of the NLDS on DVR. That was one of the most exciting sporting events I’ve ever had the pleasure of seeing. I feel lucky that DVR technology changed the way we watch TV.

Of all the memorable highlights from the ’08 playoffs, in hindsight, the real standout was the 8th inning of NLCS Game 4. The game tying two-run shot that Victorino hit off of Cory Wade, followed by the go-ahead moon shot by professional hitter Matt Stairs off that chump Broxton, were as good as it gets.

Those monstrous dongs had nothing on the two-out, 9th inning double by Ryan Howard on Monday night.

That was so sick. And how about Lidgey dropping the hammer on Tulowitzki for the final out? Unreal. These Phillies are inspiring.

I’ve been thinking about something Bill Simmons has written about recently, the idea of being “historically good.” Well, the Phillies may well be “historically good.”

I read this morning that they are the first NL team since the Braves in ’96 to win a playoff series after winning the World Series. They’re the second team to do so since the Big Red Machine in the 70s and only the third to do so since the 1920s.

Objectively, this is one of the strongest top-to-bottom teams I’ve ever seen. The starting pitching is as good as any in the majors -- especially if the birth of his first child means the return of vintage ’08 Hamels. Lee is so nasty. Happ, Blanton and Pedro are all solid.

If Lidgey and Chan Ho are back, the bullpen is excellent. Durbin, Madson, Eyre and whatever starters are available are all proven and effective.

The defense, particularly up the middle, is an undeniable strength.

The order 1-7 is tougher to get through than Christopher Street on Pride Day. At 7-8, you’ve got Pete Happy and Chooch - both very dangerous hitters.

What may be the most impressive is their collective approach. They’re just so even and patient, up and down the lineup and throughout the staff.

J.A. Happ is incredibly impressive for such a young guy. And the methodical way he pitches? What poise ...

How about Raul Ibanez and his approach at the plate? Those walks that he coaxed against the Rockies in Games 3 and 4 were some of the best at-bats I remember watching. Could he be any better than Pat the Bat? So great!

I could go on forever. I love this team. The happiness that I derive from this group of strapping, athletic men is most ironic. Words can’t do justice to how much they mean to me and every Philly sports fan.

So watch out, you cheesy, fair-weather L.A. douchenozzles. Whatya gonna do when Red October runs wild on you?

“Who’s the bitch now, Santy Claus?”

Here’s what's up …

-"The Hills" featured a band called Morning Wood the other night. What I had this morning was not normal morning wood. It was a raging, playoff-gameday boner. I was harder than Mike Piazza at the Barney's warehouse sale. Wooooooooooo!

-I can totally start a column by talking about my piece. I’m not showing a picture, am I? Hmmm …

-Is it 2:37pm yet? I hope that the Phils aren’t running into the same buzzsaw they ran into in ’07. Hopefully that WFC pedigree means something.

-That Twins-Tigers elimination game last night was one of the most exciting baseball games I’ve ever seen. It was sloppy, but both teams left everything on the field.

-It was a great idea to build the Metrodome with a white roof because it totally has given the Twinkies home-field advantage over the years. They didn’t lose a home game (or win a road game) in their two World Series wins. I wonder if something will be built into their new home that will give them an advantage like that?

-If I were a Tigers fan I’d be PISSED. Home plate ump Randy Marsh blew so many calls, the most egregious error being the missed HBP on Inge with the bases juiced. Oof. He was terrible on balls and strikes too. I hope that he’s not umping any more postseason games.

-My wife, a relative baseball newb, thought that the missed HBP was "f***ing bulls***" and she doesn't understand why baseball doesn't institute replay to take the human error out of the game. She's right. The result of that incredible game shouldn't have hinged on Randy Marsh's declining eyesight.

-It’s amazing that Trey and Matt named Stan’s dad 'Randy Marsh.' To a fan of the obscure minutiae of baseball, this is almost as good a name as 'George Michael Bluth.' Randy Marsh has become one of the best characters on South Park over the last few years.



-This Braylon Edwards sh*t is hilarious! You couldn’t write it any better. “There’s only room for one of us in this town, LeBron. I’m going to punch your 130 lb friend so I can get traded to New York.”

-What’s the deal with NFL wideouts anyway? If egomania was currency, these guys would be richer than the Elders of Zion.

-Eric Mangini is going through problems the way I go through Valtrex. He might be one and done in Cleveland.

-Elders of Zion? Valtrex? Is this a sports column or a vaudeville act?

-Who knew that Marvin Harrison was Stringer Bell? He was always thought of as a WR who did things the right way. It’s crazy that he’s a stone cold thug.

-The Nightmare on Elm Street trailer doesn’t look scary but the Shutter Island trailer sure does.

-I’m looking forward to seeing Cold Souls. I think Paul Giamatti is the best. Enjoy this 'Classic Cut' of me interviewing him at The Illusionist premiere.



-I’m glad that I picked Aaron Rodgers. He’s the No. 2 scoring player in fantasy, and is going to be chucking it up all season long. Picking Eddie Royal two picks ahead of Vincent Jackson? Not so much.

-I hope they bring back the 'Saved by Zero' commercials. Saved by zero, Saved by zero …

-Will Michael Crabtree’s signing make the surprising Niners any better? It should. Shaun Hill doesn't have a real WR threat besides him.

-After watching the first three episodes of Season 1, I’m sad to say that Mad Men is f***ing boooooring. Don’t believe the hype. Watch Dewey Cox five times instead.



I’ll tell you what else …

-Flyboys are looking great! They gave the eventual Stanley Cup champs a run for their money in the playoffs last year. With the addition of Chris Pronger, they're scary, especially since Carter and Richards should really hit their stride this year.

-I didn’t see the Curb with the Seinfeld cast, but that road head episode was wonderful. I’ve watched most Curb episodes because I know how good it is, but LD’s is not my favorite sensibility. He’s too mean. I like nice guys like Adam Sandler and John C. Reilly.



-If Ric Flair ran for Senate as a Republican, I’d break party lines to vote for him. If Linda McMahon ran for Senate as a Democrat, I’d break party lines to vote against her. Frankly, if I witnessed Ric Flair murder someone, I probably wouldn't testify against him.

-Hey Colorado ... If you want to be the man, you've got to beat the man. Wooooooo!



-It's a good time to be a Philly sports fan! Dingding!

I returned to NYC last night from an uneasy fast in Philadelphia. I had a chance to reflect on the past year, my relationships, and of course, Philly sports.

The Eagles looked excellent dismantling an overmatched Chiefs squad on Sunday. They ought to be able to win the three games after the bye week and cruise into their November 1 matchup with the New York Football Giants at 5-1. I’m confident about the Birds. The Phils? Not so much.

I had the displeasure of listening to the World Champs on my drive home. The Phightin’s listless bats and underwhelming pitching made me want to vomit up all the kippered salmon and lox I had just eaten.

Pathetic. Why can’t they beat the Astros? Why do they make scrub rookie pitchers with 5.00+ ERAs look like Nolan Ryan? I have a bad feeling in my gut (unrelated to all the salty fish I ate).

On the other end of the spectrum, I have a very good feeling about something I watched last night. It can be summed up in three words:

Michael F***ing Scott!

I was finally able to watch the first two episodes of the new season of The Office. Wow. That show is unreal. Michael Scott is completely out of control. Whether he’s blowing up Stanley’s spot, or ruining Jim’s promotion, dude is one of the most cringe-inducing and wonderful characters in the history of television.

Last year, during the short run of the Michael Scott Paper Company, I felt that The Office eclipsed 30 Rock and became the best comedy on TV. It’s good to see that they’ve carried the momentum over into the new season.

As in any narrative, it all comes down to character. In an interview I conducted with Ricky Gervais last March, the creator of The Office said as much.

“… character elevates above everything else. It elevates above lines, story, everything.”

In another part of the interview, that you can watch here (listen for me at 1:40)



Mr. Gervais told me about his stand-up act. He said that the targets are not what they seem and that he is “the biggest butt of the joke.”

My 35 minutes with Ricky Gervais were like a Comedy 101 class. I’ve been thinking a lot about that interview lately, and about comedy and character in general, especially relating to this blog.

My perspective on entertainment is an interesting one because of my profession. I have a very cool job. I’ve interviewed the most interesting people in the world.

How does that relate to Backfield Penetration? What’s the tie between my connection to the entertainment world and the world of sports that I love so much? What is funny about this connection and what is funny about this blog?

It’s me, folks. I’m not some primped up Ryan Seacrest wannabe. I’m a goofy, hairy, raw sonofabitch. I’m not just funny because people laugh at what I say and what I write. I’m funny because of the stupid s**t that I do. I can’t come on here and promote myself as some cooler-than-thou slickster. I’m a goofball and I have to be able to portray myself as such.

That said, with a great deal of reluctance and apprehension, I present to you for the very first time, the world premiere video of one of my first gigs in the business.

This clip takes place on June 27, 2006, the eve of the 2006 NBA draft. I’m working a pre-draft party at the 40/40 Club. In this video, I have the pleasure of interviewing my favorite point guard in the league, Chris Paul.

Talking about his CP3 Foundation, he tells me about the murder of his grandfather, and I respond by saying “fantastic” and “amazing.” I s**t you not. Listen to me stammer after I say it. You can’t make this stuff up.



If you can’t laugh at yourself, at whom can you laugh? I know that I write some funny stuff and have an interesting point of view, but I’m not sure that’s where my ultimate talent as a character is. Like Ricky Gervais and Steve Carell, I need to embrace being the butt of the joke.