How To Make The Perfect Closer (A Recipe)

  • Monday, April 18, 2011 12:17 PM
  • Written By: Andrew Simon


Torn from the pages of Bon Appetit

The Closer

Every chef needs The Closer, that dish that takes a winning meal and seals the deal. Do not confuse The Closer with “a closer.” The latter is anything that comes at the end of your menu. The former is special. It is not to be used under just any circumstances, but The Closer, deployed with discretion, is the secret to any chef’s arsenal. Just make sure you firmly establish The Closer’s place on the menu, as any confusion can result in unsatisfactory results.

1 small pen (or pan, if you will)
2 jumbo huevos
1/2 cup hot sauce (the hotter the better; The Closer must be able to dial up the flames)
1 beef slider, cut sharply
1 cup grated cheese (a finely aged cheese provides more confidence)

1. Preheat oven to 500 degrees or highest available setting. The Closer cooks under extreme conditions.
2. Combine ingredients in bowl and mix. Leave lumpy and uneven – The Closer should give off a feeling of untamed aggression.
3. Pour mixture into pen, put in oven.
4. Cook for approximately 1 inning.

1. Make sure guests are properly prepared for The Closer by preceding it with The Set-Up (see previous page).
2. There might be situations earlier in the meal when you sense your guests’ enjoyment slipping away and feel tempted to bring out The Closer. Cooking nerds might try to convince you this is a good approach, saying your best dish should be employed during a meal’s most crucial moment. Do not listen. There is a reason you are a chef and they are playing on the Easy-Bake Ovens in their mothers’ basements. A closer must be saved for the final course, even if all of your guests are already full by that time.
3. Before bringing The Closer to the table, crank up some hard rock (pretty much anything by AC/DC works great). Play it while entering the dining room.
4. Once The Closer is on the table, the meal is out of your hands! Of course, you will nervously await its completion, but otherwise, sit back and watch.

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