The Baldest Truth

The Bald Truth

Had Chad Ochocinco held up a sign imploring the NFL not to fine him - recreating one of his best stunts from the olden days, back when he was just another Johnson - he'd have been punished because the league would have said the sign was a prop and the celebration wasn't spontaneous.

By doing the Lambeau Leap, however, Ochocinco was spared any sanctions. Never mind that the move was every bit as premeditated (in the days leading up to the Bengals' victory over the Packers, he had promised to leap if he scored) and also involved props (namely, the wall and the back-patting fans).

Such is the silliness of the NFL's anti-celebration rules.

Wes Welker is penalized for making a snow angel immediately after scoring a touchdown; Donald Driver isn't punished for scoring, hugging his teammates, searching out exactly where he wants to leap and then launching his body into the stands. Beautiful.

Believe me, this isn't another diatribe against today's overly demonstrative athletes. I liked T.O.'s Sharpie. Just as I liked the Ickey Shuffle, the gyrations of White Shoes Johnson and the way the Harold Carmichael-era Eagles rolled the football in the end zone as if they were shooting craps.

It's entertainment. It's big boys playing a kid's game. It's supposed to be fun for jocks and fans alike.

Only taunting - an idiot getting in the face of the guy he just beat - should be punished. The examples in the preceding paragraph were not taunting at all ... at least no more than the Lambeau Leap is.

The Balder Truth

While non-taunting celebrations are harmless and fun, here's an idea for coddled divas and other assorted TD-makers:

Wait until you actually reach the end zone to celebrate.

Why do guys insist upon slowing down 20 yards from the end zone or holding the ball aloft 10 yards before they get in or spiking the ball when they think they are one inch inside the goal line?

You'd have thought Don Beebe's Super-pantsing of Leon Lett would have cured this disease once and for all ... but you'd have been wrong.

In the Packers-Bengals game, Charles Woodson picked off Carson Palmer and went 37 yards for the TD. Woodson slowed before he got to the end zone and, a nanosecond after stepping in, he placed the football on the goal line. What if the ref screwed up and called it a fumble and replays weren't conclusive enough to reverse the call?

Woodson would have been humiliated, his coaches would have been livid, the Packers would have been denied a huge play and fans rightly would have rained boos down on him.

And for what? What did Woodson have to gain by doing it?

Score first, then celebrate. Seems pretty simple, no?

THE BALDEST TRUTH

This week's NFL High Five:

5. Very nice of Eagles coach Andy Reid to call time-out with 14 seconds left in a 26-point loss so Kevin Kolb could finish his first career start with his third INT of the day.

4. Word is, Herschel Walker is moving into the world of mixed martial arts. This new career promises to be every bit as successful and satisfying as his Olympic bobsled experience. You know, at 47 years old, even Brett Favre will have decided to get out of our faces for good.

3. Many of the same Chicagoans who opined last week that Jay Cutler was a fraud now have decided he's the QB the team has needed for ages. Yes, we'd hate to wait until the postseason to make a definitive declaration about Cutler's competence, right?

2. Other QBs get more hype, but nobody's more fun to watch than Drew Brees.

1. Good to see the Rams coming around so nicely.

Read Mike Nadel’s musings daily at TheBaldestTruth.com.