The Sound of the Suburbs

I Can Drive (DRIVE!) My Very Own Tank!
GD, those Lakers they did it again. Gasol blows a left hand gimme, then rebounds a Kobe miss to ice it.

Well, the Thunder acquitted themselves admirably and will be back. Kudos to their youthful effort, initiative and shock value, which obviously scared the crap out of themselves, hence their collapse in Game 5 and failure in Game 6.

Nice N' Sleazy Does It Every Time
Speaking of which, nice to see the Hawks overcome the most selfish first half in recent playoff history (to quote ESPN's Mike Tirico, they don't "share the stone do they?") to beat Milwaukee on Friday as they should have done in Game 5 given their surfeit of talent.

Somewhere Outside Tokyo Invented Time
The Celtics, meanwhile, hope to turn back time as they gear up for Cleveland and LBJ. I have a pretty good prediction record in round one (look it up, mofos), and I know I said Cavs in five, which I will stand by. On the other hand Boston is playing for its under-siege city and could easily take it to seven. But I'll stick with five.

Hey! Hey! Of Get Their Way Out!
Yeah, I'd say that applies to Orlando, who will crush either Atlanta or Milwaukee in a possible sweep. Vince Carter is just getting warmed up and if the refs would just let Dwight Howard play, this series will be over before it starts.

It's ... All Quiet On The Eastern Front
Translation: Orlando v Cleveland in the ECF.

I Was A Toiler On The Sea
The Nuggets missed George Karl, not to mention J.R. Smith, choking v. Utah and the monster that is Deron Williams. Good for Jerry Sloan and Mormon Nation but enjoy it now before ...

Curfew
You fall to LA.

Bring Me A Piece Of My Mummy ... She Was Quite Close To Me ...
The Spurs and vicious viscuous Manu Ginobili and his broken nose (what a stud this guy woulda been for Manchester United btw) will do The Ubangi Stomp on Steve Nash and Phoenix. Take it to the bank.

Who's That In The Shadows?
Again, the Spurs, who remind me of the 1969 Celtics, who eked into the playoffs, then beat LA and Jerry West in the infamous Don Nelson-foul-shot-off-the-back-rim-with-Jack-Kent-Cooke's-balloons-suspended-in-The-Fab-Forum-rafters Finals, one of the greatest upsets in sports history.

This healthy Spurs team with the triumvirate weaponry of Duncan/Parker/Ginobili and newbie George Hill plus DeJuan Blair and Antonio McDyess, who thirsts for a title like no player left standing in the postseason, is a force to be reckoned with. Watch out, Lakers, Cavs and Magic. Plus they have the best coach out there (sorry, Phil) in Pop.

Do You Wanna Fix My Muffler?
No, unless you're Dirk Nowitzki, who will leave Dallas as he's done all he can for this franchise and will never win a title there. And he knows it.

Death And Night And Blood ...
Which will be what the ECF will be all about, making the NBA Finals an anticlimax. Cleveland-Orlando will be one for the ages, a bloodbath where Matt Barnes and Anderson Varejao will emerge as enforcers to the death, winner take all.

Have You Got Enough Time?
The question for The Black Mamba, Senor Bryant. Can he go all the way despite his variety of injuries and defeat all comers to repeat? If so he will join Russell, Johnson and Jordan as the greatest ballers ever.

Let The Games Begin Anew ... What An Old Codger I Am ...

My God, did you SEE Manu Ginobili on Sunday?! Controlling the tempo, taking it to the rack, draining timely jumpers, doing his own job and that of Tony Parker in the midst of a must-win road game v. The Champs.

As the best NBA beat writer in newspaper history -- Peter Vecsey -- pointed out in his weekend column, Manu is the most unsung unrestricted free agent to be, and a warrior who has wrested the mantle of best Euro-small man from Sarunis Marchiulonis during his multi-title run in San Antonio.

Vecsey is right, as usual, in theorizing that the best move the Knicks can make is for The Man-u, a modern-day combo of Bill Bradley and Walt Frazier.

Put him in the mix with David Lee, Al Harrington, T-Mac, et al and you have a playoff team, and in the least East a No. 5 spot is within reach.

Again, footnoting Vecsey, go check out on YouTube Manu's rejections of Durantula on a breakaway and KG off a roll and pick: truly stunning big time D. As Gregg Popovich noted recently, Manu IS MJ and Kobe, just without the raw athletic talent.

Outside of Bryant and LBJ the best guy in the league at crunch time with the game on the line and the ball in his hands is Manu. Beyond fearless, he gives the Spurs one more chance at a title run. And if they can beat out Portland to avoid the dreaded eighth spot in the West, they may very well wind up in the WCF v. LA.

The Spurs are playing their best ball of the season. Piston castoffs Dice and Blair (yeah, I won't let it go: Dumars should have picked HIM over Austin Freakin' Daye) are contributing bigtime; George Roy Hill and Roger Mason are growing by leaps and bounds, and Tim Duncan manhandled Gasol at crunchtime Sunday, which the boxscore won't tell.

As we all know the real key to the Spurs' post prospects is Richard Jefferson, a talent I've always liked and he can make NBA followers forget his subpar regular season with a major effort in May.

And I think he will.

Denver is tough but in seven the Spurs can prevail then roll over the middle draw to a WCF match with Kobe and Co.

If you saw the game Sunday, you saw Kobe shaking his head en route to the sidelines as the result of consecutive offensive rebounds by San Antonio, despite the fact he'd just drained a three. And he's right. He's Jordan II and he won't tolerate failure but the difference between these two greats is Kobe seems to me a tad too punitive with his mates, unlike Jordan, who compassionately yet firmly exhorted his club to multiple titles and, even more impressively, a regular-season record that will stand the test of time.

Because to quote the late great Bon Scott, It's A Long Way To The Top.

And while it was just days ago I mocked Lakerland for their panic over a 2-3 road trip, perhaps some concern is in order. Of course the real issue is Bynum, whose presence makes the champs a whole different enchilada.

If he's hurt even during the first round, all bets are off. Portland OR San Antonio would be just what the doctor didn't order for LA. Not that they won't prevail, but they need the big kid to win another ring.

I think even scolding Kobe or Zen Jackson would admit same.

Either way, as we all say at this time of year ... Bring On The Playoffs!!!

Do you wanna marry ... a lumberjack?

I didn't think so. Kinda like watching the Winter Olympics. Pass.

Bad enough the Games start with a horrible death in the most exciting event offered -- and not to belittle in the least the poor man and his loving family because my heart goes out to them -- but it just puts a damper on the whole event. And yes, what a horrible bastard I am demeaning the efforts of all the global athletes who have given their hearts and souls for years in search of gold.

More power to them.

I'll take the jingoistic tactic and stick to our dumbass American wheelhouse: hoop, football and baseball. Isn't it about time for pitchers and catchers to report?!

Makes me wonder if Gaylord Perry always got to camp on time, getting that spitter in gear in the crackling Florida February air, and Satchel Paige too ... I don't think so.

So Marcus Camby gets moved by the Clippers for a couple of journeyman and 3M bucks. Donald Sterling, true to form, dumps the third leading rebounder in the NBA for next to nothing, meaning if Brandon Roy gets healthy, Portland makes a run in the West and might even make it to the WCF depending on the draw. Go Blazers!

What is it with MC anyway? Among the most traded players in league history yet by all outward appearances a good citizen, good teammate and hard-working baller who does what it takes to win and then some; best of luck to him in the cozy confines of The Rose Garden. Camby is the perfect guy for Portland; an expert rebounder who knows how to play the glass, which will come in handy when Rudy Fernandez starts heaving 3s. Rudy is a budding star, a deadeye legend in his own mind, and MC will only make him better because there's no better longshot bet than a gunner who misses a heave then gets it back in the same spot for a deuce. For that to happen, of course, it takes a village ... and a rebounder.

I love this game.

Most interesting note about the Dallas All-Star game was three studs clearly telling their coach they needed a blow: KG, Paul Pierce and Tim Duncan. Minimal minutes played. Holding it for the playoffs. Prudent move, gents.

As noted previously in this space, Boston is saving it all for spring, as well they should. They're likely headed for a No. 3 seed and a first-round test v. Larry Brown's Bobcats, who will be a tough out. Boston can only be glad it won't draw Atlanta, who owns the Celtics, in the first round. Stephen Jackson, Gerald Wallace, the rejuvenated and underrated Nazr Mohammed (another doofus Dumars deal) will prove an obstacle in round one, particularly for Boston. If Orlando and Cleveland finish two-one, they will wipe the mat with Miami and Chicago/Milwaukee whomever in the first round while Boston expends so much energy beating Charlotte by the time it gets to Orlando, the Celtics could be chump bait.

Of course, the theory is Boston got Sheed to clamp down Superman but good luck with that. I still won't count Boston out but, barring injury or a major deal tomorrow, the Celtic get flattened by Orlando who then give LBJ and the Cavs all they can handle, with or without Stoudmire, Jamison or Troy Murphy.

Still, Cleveland will win the East because it is their time and, spare me the West deets, LA will be there at the end.

But I repeat myself.

The 82-game NBA slog takes forever, somehow seeming longer than the 162 MLB year, because baseball has its slow, inexorable axis turning season unlike basketball, which is such a speed-freak game due in no small part to the fact our nightly highlight diet consists of high-flying threes and slamaroonies.

Baseball moves at its own speed while hoop fans are poised for the post from day one. But you gotta pay the rent if you're an NBA owner, so there.

Frankly, I can't wait for baseball because the opening season Yankees-Red Sox series will offer more cumulative drama than every NBA game in March combined. But when the playoffs start, ah, suddenly every possession will be War.

I can't wait for any number of reasons:

Chauncey Billups and Denver, the tattooed love boys of Colorado, who will push every opponent to the limit; San Antonio making one last Alamo stand, McDyess, Jefferson and Blair rising up alongside the aging but still killer in a short series nucleus of Duncan/Parker/Ginobili; eighth seed Houston-Portland-New Orleans or Memphis throwing a scare into LA while everyone bitches that all aforementioned above .500 squads should make it in while the pathetic Eastern back-of-the-bus teams make it in with lousy records; Rondo putting Boston on his Kentucky back and taking those old legs as far as they can go; Vince Carter on the spot with his career on the line, knowing he'll be tabbed as nothing less than a perennial failure if Orlando doesn't make it back to the Finals; and Cleveland, the current pick to Go All The Way, with the incumbent pressure to satiate their leader LeBron into staying with only a title fitting the bill...bring it on already.