The Sound of the Suburbs

God, the Pistons stink.

STINK.

If they win a half, it's a moral victory.

Let's put them under the 'scope:

Tayshaun Prince. A good man, solid player, but one who must be surrounded by talent to succeed.

Rip Hamilton. Doesn't get the open js off picks anymore. Still, if Orlando can't get CP, the Magic should deal for Prince and Hamilton. Rashard Lewis would be worth the sacrifice, or more pertinently, Gortat, who Joe Dumars should covet if he's got a brain cell left. Unlikely on all counts.

Benwa Wallace. Starting center. Couldn't be 12th man on a good team. A gamer whose time has come and (long) gone.

Rodney Stuckey. A 2 still masquerading at the point. NBA body and head but destined for mediocrity. Steve Blake is more valuable.

Austin Daye. Despite his coach's plaudits, he is following in the footsteps of his father to averageness.

Greg Monroe. Just give up, Joe, start him and play him 40 every night. Only youth movement implementation a solution as they head for worst record in the entire league. The Knicks will own them.

Jason Maxiell. Still can't make a free throw or 8-foot jumper. Overpaid overhyped and too small. Pistons have filled their roster with tweeners and show it. Christ, even Big Country would be an improvement at this point.

Ben Gordon. Best player on the team by a mile despite his defensive deficiencies. Mini-Microwave. Unfortunately with no frontline he made a colossal mistake leaving Chicago -- and the Bulls losing him -- because if he were still a sitting Bull off the bench, Chicago could play with the big boys in the East. Count your money, Ben, it's all you've got.

T-Mac. An embarassment on every level. Just retire and let Daye and Monroe play. Yet another in a long list of Dumars' bad choices: Darko, handing Denver a good backcourt in Billups (yeah he is SO over, Joe -- NOT) and Arron Afflalo, a perfect Piston never given a chance but showing results now with his Rocky Mountain Rock.

And last, but certainly not least, the Twit king himself, Charlie Villanueva. One of the worst free-agent signings ever; must have been the last straw for Bill Davidson. Christ, Lance Blanks wasn't this much of a bust.

It's painful being a sports fan in general, but being a Piston fan means a whole new level of masochism.

The new owner Tom Whatshisname, should just clean house, starting with Dumars. John Hammond got away and has built a comer in Milwaukee while mentor Joe D continues to screw up. How he couldn't make a draft day deal with Sacto for DeMarcus Cousins is beyond me but at this point I expected it.

Joe was such a great player. Who can forget his MVP Finals perf v. Portland during a series he lost his father yet soldiered on and led the Bad Boys to a back-to-back.

And to his credit he built a consummate team who stunned LA and nearly repeated v. Spurs in the last great seven-game Finals (er, never mind, last season's Celts-Lakers was better).

It's all too much to contemplate, frankly. I hope they lose every game and get the first overall pick, whomever that becomes. Such is the sad state in Detroit Pistonland, where their struggles make the auto industry look en fuego.

My thought: Fire Dumars. Hire Fratello as GM. Keep the coach; he's the one good thing going.

Dump Price and Hamilton for Gortat. Orlando needs firepower and Detroit needs a center. Start Gortat/Daye/Monroe/Gordon/Stuckey. Will Bynum backup PG. Jonas whatever his last name a backup big off the bench when healthy. Finish last and get the right ping-pong ball in May.

And most of all, PRAY.

Well, I tried to get into World Cup soccer. Meant to watch the showdown v. Ghana (?). Didn't know until perusing sports page that Ghana beat us in 2006 by same score.

I love soccer -- played it as a kid, my daughter was member of a state champ California team led by immortal coach Kai Kuwata, but, uh, we lost to Ghana.

My major problem with this sport vis a vis watching on TV is GIVE US THE F-ING CLOCK!!! And what about the radio announcers? Whatever happened to GOOOOOAAALLLL? I mean Ghana took the lead 2-1 while I listened on ESPN's radio coverage, and it wasn't clear what happened due to obtuse commentary: Christ, spell it out for dumb Americanos like Harry P!!!?!!!). And this whole extra time thing ... how are we supposed to know how much time is left?! We know at the end of an NBA game what's left for Kobe to finish the job but soccer ... uh, no. We are clueless.

Rule No. 1, World Cup: Give Us The Clock!!!

Whatever.

We're out.

The World Cup reminds me of the United Nations: We mean nothing as does the institution. But let's put that aside.

Let us consider for a moment this Dylan lyric:

"Well it's way past midnight and there's people all around/Some on their way up, some on their way down/The Air Burns ..."

Yeah, kind of like being a Piston fan. Hey! Sheed retired! History leader in Ts!!! I will miss him. Say what you will about Rasheed Wallace; he was never dull. And his post fadeaway bank rivaled Duncan's and McHale's.

It's been forever since my last post (anyone notice? Er, no ...) and I have been in daily therapy dealing with another KB/Laker victoire.

Let's break it down: Who didn't appreciate Mrs. Kobe and kids hogging the spotlight in front of the Buss Family, Phil Jackson and the rest of the team. Ms. Kobe is the Joe Jackson of the sports world, i.e. It's all about ME ME ME!!!!!!!

Somewhere, Rasputin is smiling.

And so we are left with baseball. A-Rod walks into Chavez Ravine with one thing on his mind: Destroy Joe Torre. And we lap it up. This cat's still in his prime and he will take 600 dingers in stride. He doesn't so much as acknowledge JT Friday night (and who can blame him) and let's his music do the talking like Joe F-ing Perry with a double and homer to win Game 1 v. Dodgers.

"I think what I need is a long black leather coat." Again, Bobby Z, the greatest singer/songwriter EVER.

Listening to Dylan's "Time Out of Mind" is akin to watching "Godfather" I or II -- in the Presence of Genius. If you don't understand, do some research.

Bob Dylan

Marlon Brando

Bill Russell



The BIG 3!

Yeah, there he was, Bill Russell, courtside for Game 7. Nobody enjoyed it more than him. The best defensive player in hoop history watching the urban struggle Staples showcased.

But congrats to LA. And Boston. Great GREAT sports teams warring till the end. Unsung hero: Fish.

On to baseball.

Can Tampa Bay recover from being the no-hit doormat of MLB? Can Boston overcome a fading Pap despite Big Papi's resurgence? Can the Bronx Bombers resurrect A.J. Burnett? Does it matter who wins the NL title?

I'll go out on a limb with the prediction Jeter and Rodriguez and Rivera Win It All again.

We shall see.

Now we got a series.

Tonight's greatest moment for me was Rondo taking Bynum to the rack, giving away a full foot, and putting him into the popcorn machine with an immaculate fake. The Vatican should be so lucky.

Why do I loathe the Lakers? Let me count the ways:

A) Kobe
B) Kobe
C) Kobe

He IS the greatest but for some reason I just can't stand him.

And look at that ... Boston won despite Pierce and KG contributing little offensively, but speaking of little, they did the little things while Ray Allen, Rajon Rondo and Rasheed Wallace (The Three Rs?!) came up huge. What a game.

Now we all know this is going seven. And I hope Bryant has his hands on the ball at the end of the seventh game with Pierce on him cuz this time Artest won't cut free in the paint to jack up a lucky deuce.

But that's a long way away, if it even happens. LA remain heavy Vegas favorites, but if you are a purist, you can't help but root for Boston.

Why?

A) They play great unselfish team ball.
B) I live in LA and relish the prospect of all these cocky talk radio jocks grappling with a Boston title. Their tiny heads will explode.
C) Well, I just find KG, PP, Ray Allen, Rondo, Perkins, Robinson, Tony Allen, Big Baby and Sheed likeable. My prejudice. And I am not even a Boston fan.

I may be alone on this take but I consider Rasheed Wallace the MVP of Game 2. He hit most of his shots, played Tenacious D and secured one clutch board after another, renewing the faith of Piston fans far and wide. It's quite clear that the message Doc, KG, Allen and Pierce delivered as they courted Sheed resonated in a major way.

Because, while he is an aging baller, Rasheed is the X factor in this series and I think he knows it. He's got the balls to say publically that he will be judged on his performance in the post (literally/figuratively) and any man who openly puts his rep on the line despite his income deserves major props.

If he shows up every night, Boston has a chance. Not that they don't remain the underdogs (ask Vegas) but his performance will make the ultimate difference, IMHO.

And while we're talking about aging rehab ballers, let us not forget Nate Robinson. While not duplicating his Game 6 stunner v. Orlando, he came up big tonight when Doc and Co. needed him, and I expect him to go off in one of the next two TD Garden battles.

Another great acquisition by Danny Ainge. Who would you rather have off the bench: Robinson/Tony Allen or Farmar/Brown? I know where my vote comes down.

The bottom line is Boston came through tonight with a great game. This means us fans are in for a treat for the ages.

Look for a split in Boston and a yellow brick road to Game 7. Again, my personal viewer fantasy is Boston up by two, seconds left, and Kobe gets his chance to be in the same conversation as MJ, MJ and Bill Russell.

Here's hoping he gets the back of the rim and a long rebound Rondo confiscates.

And an aside to David Stern: Thank you for not letting a zebra call a double T on K. Perkins which would change the shape of the series. If he deserves it, bust him. If he doesn't, let him play.

The rule on T fouls must be changed as soon as the playoffs end, because as everyone much smarter/important/more well paid than me agrees, it's a dumb rule.

Don't always know what I'm talkin' about
Feels like I'm livin' in the middle of doubt

Phoenix's own Vincent Furnier aka Alice Cooper said it best when it comes to this year's NBA Playoffs.

Because who the F knows where it's going? Even Glen Buxton, rest his Dwight Frye soul, would be at a loss.

Three sweeps outta four in the conference semis! When's the last time THAT happened? And what do we project for the next round?!

Good ball, that's what.

Los Suns stun San Antonio despite their misguided, imbecilic political statement. Read the bill and don't mix sports with politics Senor Sarver.

LA restores order in the house by putting Utah and its scumbag racist fans away for good. Shame on you a-holes for deriding D Fish, a MAN who gave his all for Utah before making a Family Guy decision to move back to LA to take care of his child.

I've loved Jerry Sloan since he paired with Norm Van Lier in the Bulls' backcourt, but even HE had to be ashamed of the home crowd in Utah.

My advice to Williams and Boozer: Get outta town asap if you want a ring. Bad Karma will plague those loser fans forever. Christ, it got so bad I HAD to root for the Lakers.

So now we wait three months for Suns-Lakers to begin. I confess I haven't seen Phoenix play a full game this year but I'll bet the house on LA to prevail and return to The Promised Land. Goran Dragic (rhymes with Magic) torched SAS in Game 3 but he's still a year or two away from becoming the next Ginobili (who, btw, screwed up by signing an extension when he could have gone to NY to join LBJ and David Lee on a Knick team that will resurrect Willis/Clyde/Bradley/DeBusschere/Barnett greatness within two years).

Orlando, the unhyped contender, remains unbeaten in the post, a healthy Jameer Nelson, the third

wheel flanking Superman and InVincible with a dose of Rashard Lewis, Mickael Pietrus (how can you NOT love him?!) and enforcer Matt Barnes who has the fearlessness to be licking his chops at guarding Bryant in the Finals.

Not that Orlando will easily trump Cleveland, but I expect the Magic to, probably in six. Everybody's talking about it so I'll pile on: Cleveland rolls with James. Jamison/Shaq/Williams still don't equal Pippen and that's why the Cavs will fall to Orlando. And if Dwight H can shoot 60 percent from the line it'll be over in five.

But enough of my aimless prognostication. Let's take a quick look back at The Good, The Bad and The Ugly of the 2010 playoffs to date:

The Good: OKC, a punk team with a median age of 16 (sic) giving LA all it could handle. Good thing Los Lakers beat them now because next year Durant, Westbrook and my new fave R-n-R baller Serge Ibaka will be back, with James Harden riding shotgun.

Rajon Rondo ... 19 boards in Game 4?! NINETEEN BOARDS!!!! JFC, this kid is a stud. Who'd a thunk he would so quickly become the main stem on such a loaded veteran team.

Nash/Stoudemire: An old twosome who are making the run of their lives and, should they miraculously prevail over LA, will win it all. But they won't.

Kobe/Gasol: Aarching their games at crunch time like Mr. Buxton's Unfinished Sweet James Bond guitar opus ... they remain the kings of the NBA Castle until somebody knocks them off. Anybody

who can beat them four outta seven is a team for the ages.

The Bad: Joe Johnson and the Atlanta Hawks. The single most devaluing free agent perf in recent playoff history. And he'll take Mike Woodson with him. The Hawks, who didn't draw Boston as hoped--their regular-season beyotch--are back to square one. Paging Lou Hudson. And btw whatever happened to Mike Bibby? Aside to Josh Smith: Grow Up.

Utah Jazz. I don't want to beat a dead horse but then again why not. I don't recall but I bet Alice Cooper never played Salt Lake City. 'Nuff Said. Do the math.

Dallas. Dirk is a goner. Not to mention Rick Carlisle. Again, Square One.

The Ugly: Rasheed Wallace. Yeah, the series is tied at two but 'Sheed has showed his typical quitter stripes after his momentary outburst in Game 2. Even a blind squirrel ... Keep in mind this loser was the key F-Up in the infamous Laker-Portland Game 7 where Shaq and Kobe overcame a huge fourth-quarter lead to beat the Blazers while Wallace disappeared, his NBA epitaph. Never made a clutch shot in the post in his career.

San Antonio. I still don't know how it happened and I love this team but youth, once again, triumphed. Come to think of it OKC probably could have beaten them. And next year they will if given the chance. Sorry, Timmy D, Tony P Longoria and Uber Stud Manu; it's OVER. Bottom line: Richard Jefferson, the free agent bust of the year, wasn't expected to replace Bruce Bowen on the defensive end, but he WAS expected to provide offense. Problem was, he's a slasher not a jump shooter, and when the smoke cleared he did neither successfully. My heart goes out to fading warrior Antonio McDyess, who would have been a bigger contributor off the Piston scrap heap to Boston than Wallace has been. Wallace, has-been.

Which leaves us with one remaining playoff enigma: LeBron James. As great as he is he will have to steal Howard's Superman cape and Kobe's white-on-white photo shoot (?!) bravado to Go All The Way.

Again, it's a TEAM game. Jamison is solid, Varejao does the dirty work, Shaq a still vaguely formidable obstacle but Cleveland's near term future depends on the backcourt of West/Parker/Williams. WPW.

Good luck with that.

Well, Danny Ainge's investment in Rasheed Wallace finally paid off Monday night after a regular season and first-round playoff in absentia from Sheed.

With 5-for-5 shooting in the first half off the pine, three of them treys, 17 and 2 in the final box, Rasheed finally reminded Need For Sheed fans why he still matters. Put aside the fact I can't get used to him in Celtic Green, on paper it was the right offseason pickup, which can only be measured against San Antonio's acquisition of Antonio McDyess, the steadier player who is the turtle to Sheed's hare off Detroit's summer yard sale.

Despite the fact young Rajon Rondo is Boston's key, despite the fact KG and even Pierce and Allen have looked good in the first two games in Cleveland, it's Wallace who is the X factor.

Now don't get too excited, Celtic Nation. Look up inconsistency in the dictionary and you'll find Sheed's headshot. So Game 2 very well may be an aberration.

But if it isn't ... trouble in C-Town.

They say an NBA playoff series doesn't begin until the road team wins and it began Monday in Cleveland.

Now it's back to Beantown for the next two, and the pressure is squarely on Mike Brown. A seemingly unassuming, run of the mill NBA coach, Mike is no Larry, who would have the Cavs up two-zip and Boston on their heels. Instead we're tied at one and Mike must find a way to exhume the dinosaur that is Shaquille O'Neal, help Williams find his Mo-Jo for the first time in playoff history and find a shooter off the bench (paging Daniel Gibson), a Cav Achilles Heel these last few playoffs.

MVP LBJ can't do it all himself (too many 3s in that last 4th Q run of Game 2), Jamison is solid but no Scottie Pippen, and Delonte West is MIA. Annoying Anderson Varejao is a warrior and I don't know what happened to Anthony Parker on Monday night; hell, I don't even recall seeing him on the floor, let alone doing anything.

Boston, in vintage Auerbach fashion, clearly played possum during the regular season. If the Celtics somehow beat Cleveland, all bets are off re LeBron's future, and Orlando will be favored to return to the NBA Finals.

Vegas will ride LBJ until the end, but don't be surprised if they end upside down. If Ray Allen and/or Paul Pierce get off at home, James may not be able to do it alone.

Kobe Bryant knows the feeling. His early years were fraught with disappointment and an underachieving supporting cast. Now James is in the same boat but in his case he better damn well rock it and take over that locker room if Brown can't.

There's no good reason on paper why Cleveland doesn't go all the way this year, but the Cavs are suddenly vulnerable and it's up to the team game coming together or not for the Cavaliers.

We shall see what we shall see in Boston, as Celtic Nation doubles down with the Bosox staggering despite their blowout of Anaheim on Monday.

Get ready to rumble, LeBron. Call your mates out in private (unlike Joe Johnson) before it gets out of hand.

Do you wanna marry ... a lumberjack?

I didn't think so. Kinda like watching the Winter Olympics. Pass.

Bad enough the Games start with a horrible death in the most exciting event offered -- and not to belittle in the least the poor man and his loving family because my heart goes out to them -- but it just puts a damper on the whole event. And yes, what a horrible bastard I am demeaning the efforts of all the global athletes who have given their hearts and souls for years in search of gold.

More power to them.

I'll take the jingoistic tactic and stick to our dumbass American wheelhouse: hoop, football and baseball. Isn't it about time for pitchers and catchers to report?!

Makes me wonder if Gaylord Perry always got to camp on time, getting that spitter in gear in the crackling Florida February air, and Satchel Paige too ... I don't think so.

So Marcus Camby gets moved by the Clippers for a couple of journeyman and 3M bucks. Donald Sterling, true to form, dumps the third leading rebounder in the NBA for next to nothing, meaning if Brandon Roy gets healthy, Portland makes a run in the West and might even make it to the WCF depending on the draw. Go Blazers!

What is it with MC anyway? Among the most traded players in league history yet by all outward appearances a good citizen, good teammate and hard-working baller who does what it takes to win and then some; best of luck to him in the cozy confines of The Rose Garden. Camby is the perfect guy for Portland; an expert rebounder who knows how to play the glass, which will come in handy when Rudy Fernandez starts heaving 3s. Rudy is a budding star, a deadeye legend in his own mind, and MC will only make him better because there's no better longshot bet than a gunner who misses a heave then gets it back in the same spot for a deuce. For that to happen, of course, it takes a village ... and a rebounder.

I love this game.

Most interesting note about the Dallas All-Star game was three studs clearly telling their coach they needed a blow: KG, Paul Pierce and Tim Duncan. Minimal minutes played. Holding it for the playoffs. Prudent move, gents.

As noted previously in this space, Boston is saving it all for spring, as well they should. They're likely headed for a No. 3 seed and a first-round test v. Larry Brown's Bobcats, who will be a tough out. Boston can only be glad it won't draw Atlanta, who owns the Celtics, in the first round. Stephen Jackson, Gerald Wallace, the rejuvenated and underrated Nazr Mohammed (another doofus Dumars deal) will prove an obstacle in round one, particularly for Boston. If Orlando and Cleveland finish two-one, they will wipe the mat with Miami and Chicago/Milwaukee whomever in the first round while Boston expends so much energy beating Charlotte by the time it gets to Orlando, the Celtics could be chump bait.

Of course, the theory is Boston got Sheed to clamp down Superman but good luck with that. I still won't count Boston out but, barring injury or a major deal tomorrow, the Celtic get flattened by Orlando who then give LBJ and the Cavs all they can handle, with or without Stoudmire, Jamison or Troy Murphy.

Still, Cleveland will win the East because it is their time and, spare me the West deets, LA will be there at the end.

But I repeat myself.

The 82-game NBA slog takes forever, somehow seeming longer than the 162 MLB year, because baseball has its slow, inexorable axis turning season unlike basketball, which is such a speed-freak game due in no small part to the fact our nightly highlight diet consists of high-flying threes and slamaroonies.

Baseball moves at its own speed while hoop fans are poised for the post from day one. But you gotta pay the rent if you're an NBA owner, so there.

Frankly, I can't wait for baseball because the opening season Yankees-Red Sox series will offer more cumulative drama than every NBA game in March combined. But when the playoffs start, ah, suddenly every possession will be War.

I can't wait for any number of reasons:

Chauncey Billups and Denver, the tattooed love boys of Colorado, who will push every opponent to the limit; San Antonio making one last Alamo stand, McDyess, Jefferson and Blair rising up alongside the aging but still killer in a short series nucleus of Duncan/Parker/Ginobili; eighth seed Houston-Portland-New Orleans or Memphis throwing a scare into LA while everyone bitches that all aforementioned above .500 squads should make it in while the pathetic Eastern back-of-the-bus teams make it in with lousy records; Rondo putting Boston on his Kentucky back and taking those old legs as far as they can go; Vince Carter on the spot with his career on the line, knowing he'll be tabbed as nothing less than a perennial failure if Orlando doesn't make it back to the Finals; and Cleveland, the current pick to Go All The Way, with the incumbent pressure to satiate their leader LeBron into staying with only a title fitting the bill...bring it on already.

Boston sports teams have hit the wall. They've got one thing going for them: Scott Brown. And who's to say the hardcore even wanted HIM to win.

The Celtics just had their worst four-day stretch in years. First, blowing a big first-half lead on the road in Orlando to a team that will no doubt face off with Cleveland in this year's ECF. Then losing to Atlanta, capping a four-zip season sweep for the Hawks. Joe Johnson and Co. have Boston's number. Fortunately for the Celts they won't face Atlanta in the EC Semis (if they get there). No, the Magic will be waiting and will prevail at this rate.

Yeah, many of us thought Boston reloaded with Sheed and Marquis Daniels and would challenge LA in June, but that's looking grim. The NBA, unlike MLB and the NFL, is purely a young man's game, and suddenly Boston looks old. Very old.

KG ain't the same after major knee surgery -- anyone who's gone under that knife can attest it ain't easy -- and Pierce and Allen have lost half a step, Wallace has been going downhill since LBJ decimated the Pistons in ECF Game 6 a few years ago, and Rajon Rondo, as great as he is -- and great he is --cannot do it all.

Boston isn't in the Amare Stoudemire derby and that probably wouldn't solve the problem anyway, not to mention the fact they'd have to give up Kendrick Perkins or Glen Davis to get him, the two of whom are Boston's best inside players.

LA and Herr Kobe beat them Sunday with another great finish -- Bryant is simply, along with James, the best there is, and you just knew the Lakers were going to pull it out. LA will only get better with studs Gasol and Artest just warming up and Andrew Bynum ... did you SEE that catch and tomahawk jam off the great entry pass from Kobe in the third quarter? The sky's the limit with this kid.

I remember vividly LA talk radio when Kupchak drafted Bynum ... the outcry, the backlash, the hue and cry ... what morons these spoiled Laker fans are. Big men don't grow on trees as the saying goes, and now the Lakers have not one but the two best bigs in the West, not to mention the entire league, as only Howard is in the same class. Add to that Odom, Farmar, a still capable Fish, Shannon Brown and Bryant ... good luck NBA.

David Stern is looking forward to the LeBron-Kobe June Final, and he'll get it. I still don't think Cleveland can beat LA four times despite its regular-season sweep. Cleveland still lives off a one-on-five attack when it matters, and James can only make so many three-pointers.

On the other hand if Cleveland lands Stoudemire, baggage and all, the Cavs could get it done. A core rotation of James, Williams, Shaq, Varejao, Amare, Hickson, West and Gibson could take LA to seven, and then who knows.

But back to Beantown. The Pats' reign is over. The league has caught up. Randy Moss will continue to cause problems, and the defense is riddled with holes even Hoodie Belichick can't fill. They had their run; now it's time to reload, which will take time.

Then there's The Red Sox. If they were smart they'd bring Johnny Damon back, because Adrian Beltre has had one good year (as a Dodger) in his career and he is incapable of replacing Mike Lowell's big bat, RBI prowess and clubhouse gravitas despite his shotgun arm. Kind of like replacing Graig Nettles with Aurelio Rodriguez, and that's overselling Beltre's arm.

The Bosox made a good move signing Lackey, and their rotation is the best in baseball, not to mention the pen remains strong and Pap will bounce back, but where is The Big Stick? No Bay, no Manny, and unless Big Papi has an offseason rendezvous with The Fountain of Youth he is done.

The Yankees, meanwhile, reload, cutting Damon, Cabrera and Nady, while picking up Curtis Granderson and Randy Winn, more than a good deal. Sports' greatest franchise thrives on bringing role players in for the trip of a lifetime, but Brian Cashman monitors their expiration date and always trades up or sideways when he has the chance.

The ultimate determining bidding war of the next five MLB years will be Boston and the Yankees pursuing Joe Mauer, as with both teams in need of new blood at catcher, Mauer can write his own ticket. I personally hope he stays in Minnesota, but I'm old fashioned and he will follow the money, probably to The Bronx.

When that happens look out. Joba will replace Rivera; Sabathia/Burnett/Hughes/ will form a drop-dead triumvirate for years to come, and Boston will be dying for a wildcard spot that won't come easy.

Boston, my hometown, a wonderfully provincial escape, has had a tremendous run of titles but it's OVER, just like hometown rockers Aerosmith.

The only advice: Follow the lead of Joe Perry, A-Smith axeman. Hit the road on your own, return to your punk roots, reenergize and regroup and reclaim greatness over time.

Let The Music Do The Talking.

Well it's that time of year, when blogger idiots like me throw out scattershot crystal ball opinions about What Lies Ahead ... Let's get right to it.

NFL
San Diego over Dallas in Super Bowl Whatever.

The Chargers have paid their dues, knocked on the door and gone away empty, but this is the year all that ends. Philip Rivers is surrounded by his penultimate offense, and the defense is good enough to prevail in any number of shootouts, which is what the NFL is about in The Age of Parity.

LaDainian Tomlinson and Darren Sproles will get it done on the ground, and Vincent Jackson, Antonio Gates et. al. will complement them and grab the brass (?) ring as the Chargers finally do what antecedents Don Coryell and Dan Fouts could not do: Win The Big One. Norv Turner gets the monkey off his back at long last, and there's a boat parade in San Diego. No one drowns.

The Cowboys make a brilliant run through the NFC and while not prevailing in Miami, save Wade Phillips' job. Tony Romo proves he is a great quarterback regardless of whom he's dating.

Indy and New Orleans go home bitter, but Drew Brees leads the Saints to a 2011 Super Bowl triumph while Jim Caldwell is haunted by pulling his starters and allowing the pathetic Jets into the playoffs in 2010. Rex Ryan weeps openly when the Jets are trounced by Baltimore.

NBA
Boston over LA in a classic seven-game duel. Kobe Bryant is unstoppable but Andrew Bynum fails to outdo Kendrick Perkins and Rasheed Wallace, and Rajon Rondo is the X factor. Jordan Farmar makes

a big mistake at crunch time and LA media second-guesses him to death. Ron Artest falls down the stairs after the loss and blames it on the Tooth Fairy.

Stan Van Gundy is fired after an ECF blowup with Dwight Howard, who finally realizes he needs to work on his post game in the offseason so he can become the next Hakeem Olajuwon.

Denver and San Antonio have a holy war of a semifinal that the Spurs win before falling to the Lakers in six. Nuggets players vote to remove all their tattoos, which benches them until 2015.

Tracy McGrady joins the Harlem Globetrotters for a Washington General to be named later.

Barack Obama welcomes the Celtics to the White House and challenges Brian Scalabrine to a game of one on one, wins and is reelected in a landslide. Rahm Emanuel replaces Stan Van Gundy in a government bailout.

MLB
The reloaded Yankees run away with the AL East but it is the hated Red Sox who dominate the playoffs, vanquishing their hated enemies in six before falling to Philadelphia in seven in the World Series, which will be played in February thanks to global freezing delays.

Kevin Youkilis is World Series MVP as the three-armed beast of Beckett/Lester/Lackey dominates red October and all is well in the sports capital of America, Boston.

MLS/NHL
Who cares?

Vancouver Winter Olympics
Black speedskater Shani Davis carries the USA flag into the opening ceremonies before dominating his sport with a handful of gold medals. A bewildered Madison Avenue sees the next Tiger Woods and floods him with lucrative endorsement offers.

Golf
Tiger rebounds with unqualified excellence, putting his personal problems behind him by winning the U.S. Open and Masters, while an Asian under the age of 25 wins the British Open as Tokyo celebrates.

Tennis
Brit Andy Murray finally breaks through and wins Wimbledon, while Rafi Nadal takes the U.S and French Opens. Roger Federer consoles himself with another Aussie title. The Williams sisters continue to dominate the femme field, without body-cavity threats to unsuspecting linesmen/women.

March Madness
Cincinnati runs the table and stuns perennial ACC favorites with a Final Four triumph.

UCLA coach Ben Howland is fired after an early exit.

Bill Walton takes over.

College Football
Utah astounds national onlookers with a BCS triumph over Alabama. The entire team celebrates by going on a two-year mission to try and get Mitt Romney the Republican nomination in 2012, which fails.

You read it here first ...

Well, I managed to get through 26 minutes of the Lakers-Pistons game at Staples on Tuesday night, then turned away.

I know I speak for millions when I say how painful it is to see your favorite team, once a perennial powerhouse and title threat (with one great win thrown in there in 2004), become a complete and utter mess.

The Lakers cruised against a Detroit team embarking on its first, sure to be hapless, West Coast tour of the season. Kobe didn't even have to get out of second gear. Jordan Farmar and Shannon Brown came in and looked like Clyde and The Pearl.

Andrew Bynum towered over his opponents, looking every inch the star he is becoming. Derek Fisher and Lamar Odom picked up their easiest paycheck of the young season. Phil Jackson was probably taking notes on his next book.

When the game started, I barely knew the Pistons on the floor. Jonas Jerebko at power forward, whoever he is. Charlie Villanueva, the Twitter King, at the other forward. I know he had 22 in a quarter the other night but he put the 'k' in clank tonight. Ben Wallace, God bless him, his glory days long gone, gave it his all, but his all these days is incapable of making a one-footer, blocked first by Bynum, then the underside of the backboard in a particularly symbolic moment at the start of the second half, which was it for me.

On the bright side, while they won't remind anyone of Zeke, Dumars and the Microwave, Ben Gordon, Rodney Stuckey and Will Bynum took almost every shot and penetrated on occasion, but there isn't one player in the Detroit frontcourt who will remind anyone of Buddha Edwards (King of the Fadeaway Jumper), John Salley, Dennis Rodman or Big Bad Bill Laimbeer.

This is a team "in transition," as the media calls it. Meaning they suck.

Joe Dumars was a great great player, but as a GM he runs The Titanic of the NBA. I bet they won't even beat the Clippers this season.

Bill Davidson's widow, the owner of this franchise, must face facts. The city of Detroit is in economic free-fall. The days of leading the league in attendance won't return for years, if not decades. The Pistons need a federal bailout as much as the Lions.

Everybody makes mistakes, but Dumars' draft day decisions over the years have been horrible. He did get Stuckey deep in the 2007 draft, and he is a muscular young player, but he's a two not a one, and he wouldn't start on most teams. Austin "Stick Figure" Daye over an available banger like DeJuan Blair? Idiotic. Passing up Dwayne Wade or Carmelo Anthony for Darko Milicic is right up there with Portland's Bowie over MJ pick, and the "salary dump" deal of the great QB Chauncey Billups for Allen Iverson was a colossal error.

A year ago I was at Staples for AI's greatest game as a Piston. With Rip Hamilton sidelined by injury, AI ran amok against last year's eventual champion. He was everywhere, taking it to the rack, driving baseline to Rasheed Wallace for a dunk (one of the rare times all season Sheed was seen in the paint on offense, but I'll get to that), pairing with Stuckey and Prince to make good things happen. It was such a good night Kwame Brown even outplayed Andrew Bynum, but if ever a moment was frozen in time, that was it.

The key that night was that Rip H was NOT ON THE COURT, because Iverson could only play with a two guard who would take what AI gave him, and that's what Rodney Stuckey did. Hamilton, through very little fault of his own, could not/would not do that. And thus they imploded, with Will "The Thrill" Bynum, whose career includes two years in Israel, closing out the season -- and AI's career in Detroit -- by taking his minutes as they limped into the playoffs only to be stomped by Cleveland in about three minutes.

And then there is the Pistons' coaching carousel, which Joe D must take ownership of. Rick Carlisle out, LB in. That was a great move resulting in a title and a follow-up nail-biting seven-game defeat to San Antonio. And they were equipped for another run, but LB clashed with somebody, as The Rolling Stone always does, and poof! Hello, Flip Saunders, who failed to get it done in three straight ECF Finals.

The problem was LB should not have been allowed to leave. And he was. And the veteran core of Wallace/Hamilton/Billups/Prince and McDyess refused to listen to Flip, or whatever, and they blew chance after chance.

The biggest whiff was the crucial home playoff game v. Cleveland where LeBron ran wild in the fourth quarter, when he should have been decked or neutralized with defensive adjustment. Brown would have made it happen. Saunders, never a defensive specialist, couldn't.

My God, they couldn't even stop Daniel Gibson, who looked like World B. Free on a rampage before retreating into obscurity.

The next year the Garnett Celtics wiped them out, and they were the better team, going on to win the title.

Now Joe has inserted John Kuester, longtime assistant who wears a ring from assisting LB with the

Laker takedown, and he looks solid. But he's not playing with a full deck.

Frontcourt: Big Ben -- done and done. Kwame Brown -- one of biggest all-time busts. Jason Maxiell -- another big-time bust. And The Twitter King ... sorry, but like Ben Gordon, he's a defensive liability and a true sixth man.

They're doomed.

Prince will help when he returns, but the only hope this team has is to roll the dice and deal Hamilton for Carlos Boozer and his checkered reputation. Still, he's a 20-10 guy and with him over Rip, Detroit could even make the playoffs. Because in the NBA backcourt system, three's company, four's a crowd.

But as with the city they represent, perhaps they are just destined for the basement, get lucky and win the lottery, who even knows what that would bring. What they need is A CENTER. My high hopes for Amir Johnson were dashed, another guy who's lucky to still be in the league, and Detroit is left with nothing in the paint.

The irony for me is, being a Laker Hater, I can only root for Boston at this point. Need 4 Sheed fans have no doubt switched allegiance, but this clown deserves as much blame as Dumars.

After a couple of great years, he just plain quit on The Pistons, particularly last season. He refused to go down in the post and operate, and that's because neither Flip nor JD nor Michael Curry (forgot about him but who hasn't -- totally over his head from the get-go) could ORDER him to do his job.

The inmates pretty much run the asylum in the NBA. Look at Mike Brown; he's toast by March because LBJ won't listen to him and they have no offensive system.

Rasheed Wallace is a great player, one of the most talented in recent years -- just ask Charles Barkley -- but in Detroit he refused to be a man, be a leader and go down on the block and mix it up. Of course, with his luck, he WILL listen to Doc Rivers not to mention KG, Allen and Pierce, because he HAS TO, and he holds the key to the Celtics' chances to paint the title green.

I will be rooting for you, Sheed, because you're just so damn likable. But you let us Piston fans down, and we're left sweeping up the popcorn at The Palace with a team "in transition."

Which again, for those of you playing at home, means We Suck.

Who's your daddy, NFL?

The Pittsburgh Steelers, that's who.

As we hit the midseason point of the NFL circa 2009-10, the defending champions have made it clear they are the team to beat.

Their 28-10 beatdown of a strong Bronco team in Mile High Denver sent a message to the league: Come and Get Us.

With Troy Polamalu back, the best big-play defender since Lawrence Taylor, the Steelers showed they are the reigning Super Bowl champs for a reason or two: They hit harder and execute better than anyone in the league. The odds are changing overnight in Vegas and nobody with a brain will bet against these guys unless they take a flier on the Saints at good odds.

Pittsburgh showed enormous grit Monday night. Coming out of the first half with a defensive 7-3 lead, the Steelers zipped it downfield only to have Big Ben stripped of the ball by a great defensive play by Broncos' first-round pick Robert Ayres, a play that would have unraveled many teams.

Instead Roethlisberger pulled his team aside, took the blame for the call and then, ZAP!, led the Steelers back in to the end zone with a clinical dissection that put Denver on its heels.

From that point on, it was academic. As good a job as he's done since joining Denver, Kyle Orton is built for the short game, and when you get down double-digits to Pittsburgh, you better have a Manning brother at the controls. And clearly Kyle Orton, through no fault of his own, is no son of Archie M.

If and when Willie Parker gets healthy, look out, as Jon Gruden -- a tremendous MNF colorman who is clearly itching to get back on the field as head coach (listening Daniel Snyder?) -- pointed out while Pittsburgh simply took over against a capable opponent on the road.

The Steelers' sked gets easier, Denver's gets harder, and that will leave San Diego, New England and a dangerous Cincinnati team jockeying for position to unseat the AFC champs.

Good luck to them and their NFC counterparts. New Orleans has run the table in the first half but the Saints will have to get by either Minnesota or whomever the NFC East serves up to get to the promised land, and that won't be easy.

But back to the Steelers. Big Ben, Troy P and their ferocious teammates are showing the requisite tenacity it takes to repeat in this warrior sport.

Baltimore, long a Steeler tormentor, ain't what it used to be. San Diego will never beat Pittsburgh in the playoffs. And Tom Brady isn't what he used to be, nor is the New England D or special teams.

All roads lead to Rome, or in this case Three Rivers. Barring a takeout injury of Big Ben, the Steelers will be there for the big dance, and the NFC will have to produce a vicious, in your face entrant with offensive kick to threaten them.

But here's saying now at the halfway point that Pittsburgh is the team to beat. Like the Lakers they have watched everyone reload and laughed in their collective faces.

They may not be a populist choice but they have an excellent coach in Mike Tomlin, a fine receiving corps led by Santonio Holmes, Mike Wallace and Hall of Famer Hines Ward, and their defense swarms like a pack of hungry wolves.

The Steel Curtain is alive and well, and the spirit of Mel Blount, Ernie "Arrowhead" Holmes and Black Jack Lambert permeates this squad.

They're the New York Yankees of the gridiron, which means only one thing: Bring your A game or fuggedaboutit.

Take it to the Iron City Bank: The Steelers will win it all, again.