If I Had A Million Dollars ...
- Wednesday, November 4, 2009 1:30 PM
- Written By: Mike Stiriti
... I would pay a Vegas bookie to make my NFL picks every week.
... I would buy the jersey of every guy on my fantasy football team and change them as quickly as the RedZone channel switches games.
... I would hire Lon McEachern and Norman Chad to narrate my life.
... I would buy the WNBA and change game coverage from ESPN to Oxygen.
... I would give it to Theo Epstein and tell him to use it in the future if the difference between signing a guy like Mark Teixeira and not signing a guy like Mark Teixeira is $1 million.
... I would buy 1,123,595 Cheesy Double Beef Burritos from Taco Bell and host a promotion during a Celtics game offering a free Beef Burrito to everyone in Massachusetts if Kendrick Perkins complains about a foul called against him. The next day I would hire a team to set up a 18-wheeler on a busy street in downtown Boston to hand out the Burritos. And then I would go to the RMV and get my license renewed because there wouldn't be a line.
... I would hire actors to play fans, coaches, players and refs and re-create Valparaiso's 1st round buzzer-beater in the '98 tournament. I will be playing the role of Bryce Drew.
... I would put $100K on the Philadelphia Passion to cover -7.5 against the Miami Caliente in tonight's Lingerie Football league game. Philly is coming home after last week's 40-6 THRASHING over the New York Majesty. The Passion's Tyrah Lusby was an absolute BEAST, tallying 65 rushing yards, 77 receiving yards and 5 touchdowns. To put that stat line in perspective, it would have been good for 44.2 fantasy points in my league. Miami won't have an answer for Lusby and Philly will roll. LOCK OF THE WEEK.
... I would quit my job and blog all day. But unless someone gives me a million dollars (or at least 50K) that ain't gonna happen. So you're only going to get a few posts a week, but I'll do my best to make them entertaining.
More to come.
