The REAL NFL video game
- Wednesday, September 9, 2009 10:48 AM
- Written By: Colin Ward-Henninger
For years, John Madden has monopolized the NFL video game industry. The game is so popular that it has its own TV show, and certain players even complain when their Madden rating is too low.
Sick of Madden? Wish there was a better, more realistic NFL video game?
Well, you're in luck because, at long last, I have designed one. It will require users to go beyond the X's and O's, and face the everyday struggles of NFL players. Here is the exclusive sneak preview of the first three levels:
Level 1 - You’re celebrating Labor Day weekend with your pals, and everyone’s about to call it a night. Suddenly, you look over at your friend, Tila Tequila, and ... what’s this? She’s trying to drive home! Her 86 pound frame can’t handle the gallon and a half of Apple-tinis in her system, so you have to stop her from driving home by ANY MEANS NECESSARY!
Level 2 - You’ve just be re-instated into the NFL , and you’re ready to make your triumphant return with your new team tonight. But wait! You have to appear in bankruptcy court this morning! Try to convince the judge that you’re bankrupt while wearing $3 million worth of jewelry on your wrist, neck, and pinky finger, then catch a private jet to the stadium before kickoff. You need your calories, but don’t choke on your Cliff Bar during opening statements!
Level 3 - You’re out for an evening of fun with your buddies at the local gentleman’s establishment. After three Coronas and five vodka-crans, you realize there is a serious problem. You forgot about the garbage bag full of one dollar bills you brought with you! Try to “make it rain” until the garbage bag is empty before you and your friends get kicked out. Careful…last call always comes sooner than you think!
Well, that's just a taste of what you'll have to go through to succeed in this game. I think you'll agree that this promises to be the best, most realistic sports game of all time.
The great thing about this game is that levels will undoubtedly continue to be added throughout the season due to bonehead decisions by the NFL players.
Oh yeah, it will also be narrated by ESPN legal analyst Roger Cossack. Who needs Madden anyway?
