The ABC's: Athletic Brain Cramps

I couldn't believe my eyes. There I was, in the middle of my morning SportsCenter, when suddenly I was blindsided by an unforeseeable and unforgivable occurrence: an NCAA womens' soccer highlight. What?! I reacted worse than Ron Burgundy when he found out the true meaning of the word 'diversity'.

Don't get me wrong, I wasn't upset because it was women playing. I would have reacted exactly the same for an NCAA men's soccer highlight in the middle of the NBA and NFL seasons.

But, much to my surprise, what I saw in the highlight forever changed my opinion of soccer ... particularly college soccer ... particularly women's college soccer. Please enjoy what is arguably the greatest single-game highlight reel ever assembled.



That's it. I'm done. I write a blog called Athletic Brain Cramps and something as perfect as Elizabeth Lambert is put in front of me. I feel like Michael Scott after someone says, "Boy, that was really hard." Easy setup.

The best part about Lambert is that you know this isn't the first time she's behaved this way. This is just the first time she's gotten caught on television.

Having never played soccer outside the elementary school blacktop, I had to rely on secondhand knowledge that it was a dirty game. Along with water polo (what happens underwater, stays underwater!), soccer seems like one of the easiest sports to take cheap shots away from the ball without anyone noticing.

Before Lambert, however, the only evidence we had was Zinedine Zidane's headbutt, and that wasn't exactly intimidating.

So, on behalf of all of us, I'd like to thank Lambert for providing us with a go-to nickname for whenever someone takes a cheapshot.

"Ron Artest just went Liz Lambert on LeBron!" "Jose Reyes just got Lamboed at second base by Shane Victorino!"

Well, we'll work on the wording but the sentiment remains the same. Thank you, Elizabeth Lambert.