Wasif's World

As the summer wound down, I wanted to take advantage of the seasonal balmy days before they turned into the unseasonal balmy days thanks, somehow, to Al Gore and his manipulation of the global climate. So for Labor Day, I decided to travel to that popular tourist destination I’ve been hearing so much about – Revis Island.

I took a J-E-T jet jet jet to the port and waited for the Revis Ferry to transport me to the lonely body of land set adrift in the Atlantic Ocean ... and waited ... and waited. Rumors circulated that it would arrive when each new hour struck, but each proved to be premature and I was losing hope. Finally, it showed, just as dusk was blossoming.

Though the Revis Ferry was hyped to be the best ferry service to the island, I found that it wasn’t anything special and regretted not taking the Cromartie Ferry over. It would’ve done the trick, and for much less money.

It was already late in the day when I arrived, so I just checked into my hotel, the Sanchez Towers. This lodging was very new and had lots of potential. This hotel sanchise has only been in operation for a short time, so there were some disappointments. The amenities – a full day spa, outdoor pool with manmade waterfall, a bidet in every room -- didn’t always live up to their billing. For instance, the bidet worked properly half of the time, but the rest of the time, it sprayed errantly throughout my room, missing me completely, but soaking my complimentary bottle of water, so that when I drank from it, I didn't know if I was getting fresh spring water or bidet water. Yeech!

I went to sleep early that first night, but never really got the shut-eye I needed for there are roosters all around that are crowing constantly. The natives are proud of this “charming” element. Without the crowing, it wouldn’t be Revis Island, I suppose.

So once I couldn’t revert back to my dreamland state, I hopped out of bed to visit one of the major attractions in town – an amusement park. I love a good roller coaster.

Though I’m sure it is a great amusement park, there wasn’t much functioning the day I was there. As the Jenkins Jumanji ride, a whirling dervish that throws you on your back before you know it, had broken down earlier in the day, I could not partake. And the Santonio Sidewinder looked like it’s gonna be quite a thrill ride. But it won’t be open until October.

That left the Taylor Twister which is good, but it’s an old ride that doesn’t thrill as much as it once may have, before they’ve come up with all those flashy new rides.

I was out by noon and spent the afternoon hiking up Ryan Hill. I was told that the view from the top would be magnificent, but once there, the wind just blows and blows so much that you can’t hear yourself think. There wasn’t much to write home about; maybe in a few months, the hot air blown will start to feel a little more temperate.

The next day, having gotten a little too much sunshine already, I opted to spend a few hours indoors at the Woody Johnson Museum. There isn’t much to see there. Anything of note is from forty years ago. Though the Al Toon plaque is certainly uncontaminated by accomplishment. And there are some art exhibits that are nice, but that I’d seen displayed in other cities. They seemed to look better when they were there.

The nightlife, however, is pretty hapnin’. But be wary, if you have too much to drink and go cruising down the Braylon Expressway, you’re liable to get hit with a heavy fine. I wasn’t driving under the influence (it’s wrong, kids, don’t drink and drive!), but I spoke to one guy who did and he said the cops pulled him over and made him sit on the side of the road without driving for fifteen minutes -- fifteen whole minutes! If that won’t deter anyone from doing it again, nothing will.

Overall, the experience on Revis Island was overpriced and overrated. Next summer, I think I’ll just take my vacay in the Asomugha Valley. I’ve heard great things!

Here’s an interesting article I came across on the web detailing Tom Brady’s recent car accident on Thursday, September 9. It sure does shed some light on the Patriots’ offensive field general. I thought I'd repost it here.

AP – Boston
New England Patriots quarterback spoke Monday morning for the first time about the car accident he was involved in on Thursday morning, saying he was “scared more than being rushed by Ray Lewis” when his Audi sedan crashed into a minivan which, according to witnesses, had run a red light.

"I'm telling you, when it happened, I didn't even know what to do, because you're just in shock," Brady said during his regularly scheduled interview on Boston sports radio station WEEI on Monday morning. "I was kind of sitting there in the car, looking around, trying to get my bearings.

"And then I got out of the car and I saw a woman had suffered cardiac arrest from the scare. I knew I had to act quickly so I initiated CPR and got her vitals back to normal. It was nothing anyone couldn’t learn in two hours at the neighborhood community center. Then I was looking in the other car to make sure they were OK.”

“The guy next to me says, ‘Hey, do you think we should call 9-1-1?’ And I said, ‘God, that would be a good idea, wouldn’t it?’ So I did what anyone else in my situation would have – I used mental telepathy to contact the paramedics.”

Brady, who escaped from the accident unharmed, said the paramedics acted professionally at the scene, attending to a passenger in the minivan who needed to be hospitalized before requesting autographs from the New England signal caller.

Attorney Samuel Reef told reporters that 49-year-old Rogerio Rodrigues’ condition has worsened. The Fall River resident was lying down in the back of the minivan driven by his adult son when the collision happened.

Police waited for “the jaws of life” to extract the victim from the vehicle, but short of time, Brady just ripped open the roof with his bare hands in order to free Rodrigues.

Brady said Monday that, aside for his safety at the time of the crash, he also feared for the well-being of another bystander, a woman who was out walking her pet tiger near the intersection where the accident took place.

"After the paramedics arrived, I saw a woman and I said, 'Are you OK?' And she said, 'Yeah, I'm fine, but I’ve lost my baby." After locating the scared tiger atop a tree along Commonwealth Avenue, Brady climbed up to retrieve it. “The lady’s kitty was up in the tree. What was I supposed to do, leave it there?”

The three-time Super Bowl champion admits to being frightened by the possibility of having to answer to a higher power on that day. “I was just thinking, 'How am I going to -- I've got to call [Coach] Belichick, I'm going to be late [for practice].’”

When reached for comment, the typically reticent Belichick said, “He was late to practice, that’s all I know.”

Before being checked and cleared to leave the scene, Brady noticed the minivan had knocked over a street lamp which he then repaired with some sort of heat-vision.

Upon reaching the Patriots practice facility in Foxborough, Brady was pulled aside by owner Robert Kraft to inform him of his new $72 million contract extension, which Brady promptly donated to a charity helping smuggle families out of war-torn Darfur and setting them up in Hollywood to forge careers in the movies.

“It was surreal. People think I’m somehow superhuman and don’t get affected by all this, but I’m just like everybody else. I was so excited that I was able to come home and see my supermodel wife Gisele and my son ... that felt good," Brady said. "I got in a crash, I came home and I said, 'God, I'm just fortunate to be able to be here.' That's really a blessing."

Police say part of what may have helped Tom was his seat belt ... the other part, of course, being his Justin Bieber-like hair and matinee idol good looks. “It’s one of those intangibles that many people don’t think about when they get in their cars,” officer Frances Pearson said.

The lesson he learned from all of this?

"Man, wear your seat belts," Brady said. "And just try to be me. That's all I can tell everybody. You never know."

After another manager exited the Cubs clubhouse, it got me thinking about one of the great quandaries in sports – would you rather come close to winning or never have any shot at victory? In other words, would you rather be of the Gene Mauch Angels or the 1896 Providence Grays? (Who the heck are the Providence Grays? My point exactly.) To simplify the question, would you rather be the 2003 Cubs or all the other Cubs?

There are few constants in sports – a Norv Turner coached team won’t win, Mark Cuban will piss someone off at some point, fans in the U.S. will only show real interest in soccer once the country makes the World Cup finals, and the Cubs are destined to failure, most times never even putting up much of a fight, save for 1969, 1984, and most recently 2003.

On the other hand, a team like the Boston Red Sox, would regularly bring their teams to the brink of victory only to have their dreams crushed in the most ritualistically diabolical manner possible.

And if you’ve ever had your hopes dashed so historically at the last second, you’ll know it’s like winning a race around the globe where the winner gets a full week locked inside a hotel room with Megan Fox, only to have Megan replaced with Snooki from “Jersey Shore” at the last second. [Ugh. I threw up in my mouth just writing that sentence.]

There is actually an equation that explains this phenomenon:

t + p = x,

where t is time and p is persistence. x represents an undetermined contentment quotient upon the ultimate outcome of your team’s season.

For instance, the more time you put in and the more persistence you show over time, the greater your happiness will be when your team wins. This, of course, assumes that the team will someday win.

Though an assumption that a team will win can be foolish as it is possible the team will never win. [See: Chicago Cubs; any Cleveland team] Still the damage to your psyche is negligible as long as you don’t add the one element that ruins everything – expectation (h).

Then the equation changes to e + t + p = x/2 + ktb

so your ultimate happiness is halved relative to all that you’ve put in since nothing could live up to what you’ve built up in your mind as the end-all, be-all, plus ktb which is a kick to the balls, the emotional feeling you get when you are, in fact, kicked in the balls.

Look at the Tampa Bay Rays in 2008. They beat arch nemesis Boston in a thrilling seven games only to have their hearts handed to them by the Philadelphia Phillies. Wouldn’t it have been better for them to lose much earlier, particularly since their fan base goes to bed at 8 p.m.? They weren’t expected to do anything, until they started to do something.

To reach the ring, to hold the crown, to feel the golden ticket only to have it wrenched from your hands leaving a golden paper cut is a horrible feeling; though it doesn’t hurt as much if you’re used to it.

If your team has never won, you don’t know what you’re missing, though you’ve heard stories and seen celebrations. But like Cinderella herself, until you go to the ball, you don’t know that it’s an open bar with nothing but top shelf libations. You just know you’re sick of cleaning rat turd off your stepmother’s floor.

And it doesn’t hurt that much if you’ve experienced victory. You understand that the downs contained some ups and could potentially have some again. You can’t win them all (as much as Yankees fans will have you believe they can).

Once you refrain from using the “e” word, your frustrations will be more moderate. By now, Cubs fans have begun to wonder, “Maybe this is how it will always be, destined to fail.” And that’s fine. Expect that. Go, enjoy the games, and get ready for football season. If, by the (Mark) Grace of God, the team should happen to win, excellent – Enjoy it!

Oh, you can still get the tattoo of the team’s logo or name your kids after the team’s equipment manager or play-by-play announcer, but don’t expect too much, especially as the team progresses into the playoffs. That’s just what the evil powers pulling the strings would have you do. (Hm, did anyone else’s lights just flicker along with a boom of thunder?)

I quote the great Sam “Mayday” Malone when I say, “Have you ever had a pressure cooker fly by you at 100 m.p.h.? ... Don’t.”

Such is the feeling of losing in historically dramatic fashion at the end of a season instead of early on.

But don’t let me sway you. What about you, Mr. Orioles fan, are you content gearing up for Ravens’ season in May once you realize team owner Peter Angelos has not put a winning squad on the field? Or would you rather keep to the schedule of watching baseball through the pennant race in September then transitioning seamlessly into football just in time to watch Ray Lewis and the gang chasing a division title?

It’s up to you. I expect you to make the right decision ... Oh, dammit, there’s that word again. Now I’m vested. Don’t let me down; this could be very traumatic for me.