Close Enough -- Giving Umpire Jim Joyce An Out
- Sunday, June 6, 2010 9:25 PM
- Written By: Andy Wasif
Ah, Jim Joyce. We shouldn’t know your name, yet we do. You made a mistake. On any other night, there would not have been a problem. Heck, you would’ve had less of a problem had it happened two innings earlier. Your timing was impeccable. (What, were you auditioning to be an NBA ref?)
Most umpires are fixin’ to get out of the park. But not you. You thought to extend the festivities a little longer. Who doesn’t want to leave work early from his job?
If Joe West were the umpire, the game would’ve been over after 20 outs. “Okay, you’re out ... and you in the on-deck circle, you’re out too ... and you three guys in the dugout. We’re pushing an hour and a half here. Gotta pick up the pace. Papa Joe has a SlingBox and my recorded shows aren’t gonna watch themselves.”
You had the perfect opportunity to knock off early and hit Detroit’s famous steak joint, “Slumbo’s” in the Fallujahtown district. You had two choices to make: Out or safe. A-ha! I contend that this was the problem. You only had two choices.
This whole kerfluffle has given us the opportunity to reopen the debate on my favorite hot button topic -- rule changes in Major League Baseball. No, not instant replay, that’s stupid. Not demoting Bud Selig to groundskeeper in Pittsburgh, that’s silly. But adding a third option -- “safe,” “out” or “close enough.”
To install this rule, (indicated by a gesture where the hand is held downward and then rocked slightly clockwise and counterclockwise as if a ship trying to stabilize in choppy sees, similar to the “so-so” motion) you will find most of your problems will be solved.
Most recently, the rule gets Armando Galarraga his perfect game. (He can still keep the Corvette awarded to him by General Motors as part of its program to pay back the government bailout money one Venezuelan pitcher at a time.) Officially, he doesn’t get it because the runner was called safe.
It was such a bang-bang play at first where any number of things could’ve gone wrong, but didn’t. With “close enough,” degree of difficulty is now rewarded. Even if the throw is a split-second late, the fielder gets some bonus points for doing so much just to make it close.
Look, the runner only has to run in a straight line to first base. That’s easy. They shouldn’t have any benefit of the doubt. The fielders are all scrambling, backing up the play, trying to stay out of each other’s way, etc.
And when all that goes right, you come close enough to make the umpire and the fans wonder, “We gotta watch that again.” Well, then, that’s “close enough.” Perfection achieved!
Oh, and let’s not forget the play Austin Jackson made in centerfield two batters earlier. Even Willie Mays stood up and yelled, “No way!” on that one. Do you think Austin was doing it for his health? No, he was trying to help make history. Where’s his Corvette?
This rule may put baseball back on the right track.
You’re telling me that if a ball hits the yellow stripe 400 feet away, yet bounces back in, it’s not a home run? The guy just hit a 95 mile-an-hour slider 400 feet! That’s got my respect. He can touch them all one-flap-down, Jeffrey Leonard-style or not.
Basketball will soon follow suit. Close enough would’ve awarded the 2010 NCAA tournament championship to Butler. Close enough puts Oklahoma City in the Finals against Boston. Close enough forces Joe Crawford to retire due to his getting closer to his AARP card. (Either that or it gets him a handicapped placard for his car because he must be legally blind or something.)
With “close enough,” NFL referee Ed Hochuli probably isn’t hated in San Diego anymore. (Heck, he probably wins the Mr. Universe contest too.) Charles Barkley, Reggie Miller and John Stockton get an NBA ring. Kobayashi shares the Nathan’s Hot Dog-eating crown with Joey Chestnut. The Boston Bruins never have to play Games 4-7 against the Flyers in the NHL playoffs. The Boston Red Sox end their curse in 1986 instead of 2004, which would be the year after the Cubs end their curse. Ben Roethsliberger is thrown in jail for his transgressions in Georgia a few months after the Arizona Cardinals beat him the Super Bowl. And so on and so forth.
I’m not saying Jim Joyce should be condemned for missing the call. He’s been more than magnanimous and we all make mistakes sometime in our lives ... (so I’m told. I haven’t yet. I imagine to have gone this long without making one means the first will be a doozy.) But giving Joyce a third option would promote fewer mistakes and may not have put the umpire in the position he found himself in this past week ... unless he merely was acting upon his desire to stay in the safe confines or Comerica Park, rather than get back to the hotel, which may or may not have been put on cinder blocks by the time the game was over.
