Wasif's World

The madness begins today and as madness is a psychological phenomena, I thought I’d bring you into my head and my process as I sift through the field to get my eventual champion. (Beware, for those of you on heart medication or a case of the wind, you may end up a touch crazier when this ride is over.)

MIDWEST BRACKET

Okay, let’s start with the Midwest bracket since it’s here in the upper left hand corner. Upper left? Shouldn’t that make this the “Northwest bracket?” I suppose placement on the page has nothing to do with geographical location of the games. The same with the region they’re placed in since Buffalo hosts a game in the Western region.

Okay, Kansas, Kansas, Kansas, Kansas. There, that was easy. Now, let’s fill in the other scrubs.

Northern Iowa? Why does anyone choose Northern Iowa? If you’re gonna go to a school in Iowa, just go to the "University of" or "State," right? I wonder if the government thought when deciding whether or not to construct UNI, “If we build it, people will come.”

Terps. Sounds like an insult. What are you, some kinda terp?! And for their abbreviation, I write “mary.” No one named Mary will do well in the tournament. Therefore, I’ll put New Mexico State to beat them ... although I don’t know the difference between New Mexico and New Mexico State. I just know neither of them will win many games.

And then I must select one of those Ohio State teams. What? There’s only one Ohio State team? So I can’t pick an Ohio State team, I must pick THE Ohio State team. So be it. Guess that makes it easier than wading through all of the non-Ohio State Ohio State teams. Thanks for clarifying.

WEST BRACKET

Moving on. I went to Syracuse as an undergrad. I bleed orange. (Seriously, it's a congential condition. I've been to specialists around the world and they can't help me.) Yet I didn’t select them to win it all during the magical run of 2003. Now I will not be so foolish. Final Four bound, baby! And, as luck would have it, they’re playing the “zags,” a team I always pick to go deep, but they always screw me. This time, I will be the screwer and not the screwee!

Butler. What’s his name, I wonder? Jeeves? Didit? I always found that funny. This is the Butler Didit. Get it? The Butler did it ... yeah, I don’t either. Well, the only thing this butler is doing is getting out of the first round. Vandy will beat them.

"I say, I say Vandy is a fine girl, what a good wife, you would be. But my life, my love and lady is the sea. Doo doo doo doodoo doo." Looking Glass. Did they ever have another hit? I don’t think so.

A-ha! Xavier. The Muskateers! Now that’s a mascot name. None of these offensive names like Seminoles or animals like blue hens or fruit like the orange or even a buckeye nut. A musketeer is a valiant swordsman who fights for the rights of the peasants and probably connects with more fine damsels than Tiger Woods.

I’ll put them up as far as Syracuse. Although Kansas State might be a challenge. I wonder what Mitch Richmond is up to now. Remember Run TMC? Tim Hardaway, Mitch and Chris Mullin? They played well for Don Nelson. How old is Don Nelson now? He was old then and he’s still coaching mediocre teams. It makes sense though. At his age, he’d rather have May and June off instead of coaching playoff teams.

EAST BRACKET

Kentucky is the No. 1 seed. It has two of the best players in the country, albeit freshmen. Can freshmen win? Ask Carmelo Anthony or Michigan’s Fab Five. But what’s the point of choosing a Calipari team when its wins will just be taken away a couple of years later anyway?

As a Jew – I’m sorry, “person of nebbishness” – I feel I owe it to my cultural roots to select Temple. Though I’m not sure they are very religious.

Wofford! Is this a real school?! You’re kidding me. Sounds like some guy with a few bucks decided to open a college. “Forget the one wing, I’m goin’ for the whole institution.”

Wofford! Actually, it’s kinda fun to say. Wofford! Wofford! Wofford! Wofford! Hm, what if this Wofford fella has so much money, he could literally buy the tournament? Vegas has the odds at one gajillion to one. That might be worth putting them in the finals in one bracket.

And Washington, Mizzou, West Virginia and New Mexico (didn’t I already pick them?) aren’t as fun to say as Wofford.

Wofford!

SOUTH BRACKET

There are many reasons people hate Duke. Number one: they’re Duke.

My friend that matriculated there (he had to clean it up afterward) has a theory that the longer a coach heads one team, the more he begins to look like the mascot. And if you look closely at Coach Mike Shesheffskee, you will find that theory may have some merit.

I think this is the first time I’ve ever seen Duke play a first-round game outside of North Carolina. I wonder how it's going to deal with this new phenomenon called traveling. Of course, as long as the Blue Devils are not called for traveling, they’ll probably go pretty far. Especially against the likes of Butler, Siena, Richmond and Old Dominion. How old is it, exactly? Was it New Dominion when it was founded? When did they change it? It’s like taking the subway uptown, but having to go through downtown. When does it switch from going downtown to going uptown?

I refuse to pick a Pitino team to win anything. He’s a bum and as long as his team doesn’t play Syracuse, it won’t win.

It seems so unfair that Robert Morris should have to take on the entire Villanova team by himself. But he must be pretty good since he’s not even a No. 16 seed.

SEMIFINALS

Kansas, Syracuse, Duke and Temple. Hm, one of those teams doesn’t seem to fit. I may have to rethink this.

FINALS

Syracuse and Duke. Of course, I’m a big believer in holding grudges and I figure that even though Kansas has won in the past decade, the Jayhawks may still be a little upset that Syracuse beat them in 2003. I can’t go against the “mater” though.

If they win, that makes me seem pretty smart if I pick them. If they win and I don’t pick them, I feel good, but like an idiot. And if they don’t win and I pick them, it kinda feels like I’ve been charged $100,000 to go there and gotten nothing in return. Though the jokes on them. I have no money to pay them. Hahahahahaha!

Wofford!