Wasif's World

I got to hob knob with the knob hobs. I got to break bread with those breaking bank. I got to rub elbows with sports celebs of various fields of play. (The first thing I learned was that these upper-echelon folks aren’t too crazy about having their elbows rubbed. Evidently, it’s a social faux pas in sports circles.)

At the 25th annual Sports Spectacular held at the beautiful Century Plaza Hotel in Century City next door to Nakatomi Plaza from “Die Hard” fame (the police’s chalk outline of Hans Gruber but a memory on the street), all the beautiful people were out for a good cause. Cedars-Sinai put on the event to raise money to help combat genetic birth defects this past weekend. They honored Pete Sampras, Carmelo Anthony, Apolo Ohno (no relation to Yoko) and the collective teams of the New Orleans Saints (for winning the Super Bowl) and the Los Angeles Dodgers (for being available that evening).

I wondered exactly how I would know some of these athletes without a program. (“You can’t tell the players without a program!”) I thought I’d have to ask, “So what’s it like being on the gridiron? ... Court? ... Green?” But publicists preceded each with the name of the celebrity on a piece of paper.

“Oh, yes! Kara Lynn Joyce is next! ... Psssst. Who’s Kara Lynn Joyce?” (She’s an Olympic silver medalist in swimming and American record holder, by the way.)

While many among the paparazzi were there to simply get a few words about the event, I was there to ask the probing questions like “Who are you wearing?” (Michael Irvin was wearing Boss and some of

his own designs.)

I figured what better way to get to the bottom of the most pressing questions on the minds of our country than with these athletes? “Where is LeBron going?”

Kenny Lofton promptly sought out the answer as he put his phone to his ear and said, “Hey, LeBron, where you going right now?” Then, he opined, “I think LeBron should stay. Get a player like Bosh or Nowitzki.”

Hall of Famer Rick Barry warns of signing with the Knicks. “You get no leeway in New York City. I don’t think he knows what it’s like to be an athlete in New York.” He then went on to sing the praises of the Cavaliers. “Cleveland’s trying to do everything to bring him a winner.”

Olympic swimmer Margaret Hoelzer provided some great insight – “I met him once. He seemed like a nice guy.”

So, reading between the lines, we’ll call that a vote for Cleveland ... or perhaps Portland, where the nice people live.

“I like meeting celebs. [As a swimmer] we’re not famous,” Hoelzer said, on her one day off from training. I mentioned that she should have Adam Sandler cast her in his next movie.

How could she do that? Why not ask all the actors in attendance, like movie star Michael Buffer?

Perhaps you remember him in his star turn in David Letterman’s Academy Award sketch reenacting the screen test for the role of “monkey vendor” in “Cabin Boy.” Buffer was fantastic. “MmmmmmmmmmmmmONKEEEEEEEEEEEEEY!”

He also played Walbridge, the bad guy in “You Don’t Mess with the Zohan.” He said it’s tough to choose one experience over the other, but to be on the Academy Awards may trump all. He’s just not sure “evil” is the right word to describe Walbridge. “I don’t know if I’d say I was evil.” True. I misspoke. Perhaps misunderstood or greedy.

I will say this. His teeth are perfect. I was hoping that I’d get him all worked up so that we’d throw down and he’d say “Let’s get ready to RUMMMMMMMBLLLLLLLLLE!”

Or fellow actor (and astronaut if you like historical stuff) Buzz Aldrin who is not yelling at the moon these days – “He doesn’t yell at me, I yell at him!” – after his stint on the NBC show “30 Rock.” Making him look, er, not all there, he enjoyed, but remarked, “It was a clever script. I wasn’t too sure about it at first.”

How about Carl Lewis? You might remember him from his guest-starring role on “Perfect Strangers.” He certainly does. “I remember that. It was fun.” He says he’s “slowing down now” – so what is that, like faster than only 98 percent of all people? – and is doing some producing behind the scenes.

Full-time actor Drew Waters, master of the two-handed handshake (his left hand on your right forearm), who plays Coach Wade Aikman on “Friday Night Lights” would not have done the on-side kick in the Super Bowl. The Texan is also excited for Dez Bryant on his team, the Dallas Cowboys, but he’s not overconfident.

And with the talk of football, Nick Barnett, linebacker of the Green Bay Packers is excited that Brett Favre had his ankle surgery. He lit up, “Oh, it’s going down, that’s for sure,” when asked if he’s looking forward to sacking the Hall of Fame quarterback. He didn’t get the chance last year, but he’s going to redouble his efforts to make ol’ gray beard regret his decision to return.

Brian Price, the recent Tampa Bay Buccaneer draft pick, had other things on his mind. He’s been hoop dreaming and believes the Lakers will be celebrating championship No. 16 next month. But aren’t you worried that wishing to face the Celtics will bring the same result as in 2008? “Not gonna happen,” he quickly retorted.

Well, Mr. 2009 Pac-10 Defensive Player of the Year, 300 pound defensive lineman, we’ll see about that. How about we ask Mr. Austin Daye, son of former Celtic Darren Daye?

I tracked down a step-ladder so that I might talk to him face-to-face. And he said, “The Celtics are on a roll right now.” You hear that, Brian Price! “But the Lakers are tough in the post. Lakers in at least six.” Dammit. “I really don’t have a good feeling about it.” Okay, we’ll consider that a vote for the Celtics.

He does see Detroit returning to prominence in two years, though. Mark it down!

Apolo Ohno, all 5-5 of him, and one of the honorees that evening, had not slept in four days, returning from Vegas. The ESPN junkie watches all sports, but he’s from the West Coast so he’s picking the

Lakers in the event of a Celtics-Lakers showdown.

A moment later, Ohno found himself being asked by another correspondent, “Which is more enjoyable, winning a gold medal in the Olympics or sex?” To which he answered, “That’s hard.” To which someone (I don’t remember who, though it may have been me) said, “That’s what she said.”

These are the things that get said when you see Leslie David Baker who plays Stanley Hudson on “The Office” along the red carpet. Baker was accompanied by Cleo King, one of the “tasing” cops from “The Hangover.”

Even Michael Buffer picks the Lakers, “and not just because I’m from LA.” Really, Michael? You’re making me angry. Let’s get ready to RRR ... No? ... Knock it off? Okay.

All these Lakers fans are very confident. But surely, there’s a way to beat the Lakers. Russell Westbrook, you’ve seen them up close, surely you must now know the secret to beating them. “I don’t know. They’re playing really well right now.”

All right, that’s enough of that. Let’s revisit “Bronbron.” How badly would LeBron kill for a championship ring? Meanwhile, John Salley has four, two of which he’s hard-pressed to take credit for. “I worked for two of them. If you didn’t ask me how many I had, I’d have to think about it.”

You can only talk to John Salley for so long. Not that he’s boring or annoying. On the contrary, he’s funny, engaging, and entertaining. But he’s soooo tall. Talking to him is like sitting in the front row of a movie theatre. He walks by you outdoors and you think it’s an eclipse. Though perhaps that’s more an indictment of my size.

Tall, but not quite as tall Hall of Famer Dave Winfield was there. In his spare time, Dave is not allowed to give his opinion without ESPN’s go ahead. Though he did say he likes interleague play, and the fact that teams get to “mix it up.” He would’ve liked it while he was playing. But that’s all he could impart upon me.

Who do you think will win the NBA championship? “Thank you.” Wait, Dave, should the NFL add two more games? ... Which are better, croutons or bacon bits? Should I go with pleats or no pleats?! Paper or plastic?! Dave? Dave?! And with that, he was gone.

Shoot. And I never got to ask him about the seagull in Toronto and what he really thinks about George Steinbrenner.

Hey, there’s event co-host Snoop Dogg walking past. Someone asked him who he likes between Mayweather and Pacquiao. (Mayweather.) Oh, yeah, that’s coming up. Where’d Buffer go? We need him. Let’s get ready to RUMMMMMMMBLLLLLLLLLE!!!!!!!”