Wasif's World

I went to a Raiders game recently – no, not in Oakland, obviously, as I’m still alive to write about it. Ha! I kid.

I know that the knock on the fans is that they’re all a bunch of criminals and social miscreants that make the Sons of Anarchy look like a church a cappella group. It’s not true. I found just the opposite, that Raiders fans really are adorable ... and loyal. They are there through rain, sleet, interminable owner, unintelligent drafts, anger-driven coaches and snow. They bring it! (Though “it,” evidently is an unrealistic view of their situation. The black hole seems to be the place where logic goes to die.)

During this game against San Diego, I couldn’t help but remark to my nosebleed seats neighbor, “JaMarcus Russell is horrible,” after the draft bust threw yet another uncontested pass ten yards past anyone in silver and black. It was simply a factual statement devoid of any partisan bias. (Quite frankly, I wouldn’t have cared if the Chargers and Raiders were sucked into a black hole, literally, to show how unbiased I was.)

The observation caused the Raiders fan in front of me, an almost normal-looking woman with short, blond hair and the requisite all-black attire, to turn around and smugly say, “At least our coach isn’t Norv Turner,” a comment I’m sure she heard someone else say once.

Typically, if that phrase were uttered, it would be met with the usual shrug and nodding of understanding of the accurate statement from all fans including Bolts lovers, but the only fans that can’t take that approach, the only fans ... are Raiders fans.

Their coach, Tom Cable, is always on the verge of being either incarcerated, suspended or just plain given the stink eye, for cryin’ out loud. Their team’s coach, black holees, makes their team’s coach look like Vince Lombardi. And that’s regardless of which team they’re playing.

(Your players are supposed to take on the personality of the head coach, not the other way around.)

Then the game ended, predictably in a Raiders loss, and Raiders fans walked down the concourse to the parking lot cheering, “Raiders! Raiders! Raiders!” As if they had won. Or as if they had put forth a good showing. Or as if they were not being mocked around the league.

They were bragging about three championships their team earned three decades ago while Chargers fans were encouraging them to check the scoreboard.

(Y’know, as a Red Sox fan, I felt a twinge of pride as it reminded me of the battles between Red Sox fans and Yankees fans (“27 championships!” versus “More championships since 2004,” etc.) I’m glad other fan bases are taking a page of inconsequential boastful jibber-jabber from our book as imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.)

But what makes Raiders fans so blind to what’s happening? Is it simply denial? Have they been attending self-improvement seminars on thinking optimistically?

Then again, there’s optimism and there’s foolishness. I used to think the Raiders would start to turn things around. Every time you think they’ve hit rock bottom, a trap door opens. This may be the black hole of which is spoken.

Their fans rationalize their recent failures. They say they would have won the Super Bowl in 2002 had it not been for a little clause in the rule book called the “Tuck Rule.” They say the rule was stupid. And stupid as it may have been, it was still a rule and I remember it being referred to on at least one other occasion earlier that season with Peyton Manning.

Raiders fans also blame their Super Bowl loss to the Buccaneers to the previous year's “Tuck Rule.” Go figure.

There are Raiders fans who say I’ve got an axe to grind. There are Raiders fans who have to watch the games with their parole officers. There will be Raiders fans who won’t be reading this column again ... or at all. (Please fight illiteracy.)

But it’s not me, it’s you, Oakland Raiders. I’m not making any of this stuff up. What more can you do?

Raiders fans have to understand that their team is bad and isn’t going to get good anytime soon. It’s not the combination of outside influences. It’s the internal machinations of a broken machine (and crazy owner, but that’s a rant for another post.)

Poor Richard Seymour. You spend your whole career overachieving and then you get sent to your room without being able to watch “So You Think You Can Dance?” That’s what Oakland has become -- an empty room with no Tivo and a punishment for players.

Oh, sure they gave a lot of money to JaMarcus Russell who probably is having a blast spending it. But he’s not winning. Bruce Gradkowski enjoys the chance to play, though even he must be thinking, “Crap, what’s this going to do to my free agency value?” But in the end, the love you make is equal to the love you take, or in this case, the bad you make is equal to the bad you take.

Oh, they’ll win a game or two each year. (Gotta keep the bookies guessing.) But the place is a mess. Their best coach recently was Art Shell, and he was good in the 90’s.

I picture Al Davis sitting in his office spinning around in his swivel chair blowing bubbles with one of those bubble wands that kids use. You think it’s going to get better soon?

Perhaps it’s time for a timeout, Raiders fans. I know you don’t have any left, but I’ll let you have one of ours. Call it an injury time out. Lord knows, you’ve been listed on the injury report with a swollen what the --? for years now.

Just take a step back and look at things more reasonably. Take off the rose-colored spiked helmet and leather vest. See your team for what it really is.

Look at your bay brother San Francisco. The Niners parlayed their draft picks and a few savvy free agent signings into a tough, talented, potentially successful team. Sure, they can’t win either, but at least they know when there’s a light at the end of the tunnel and not a black hole.

The first step is acceptance. That, and posting bail.