Wasif's World

I want to congratulate the Los Angeles Lakers on a hard-fought battle through the NBA playoffs. Over the past few years, I’ve had the opportunity to get to know their fans. And may I say, they are adorable. They try so hard to be good fans. It’s like watching a squirrel on a jet ski. (Okay, maybe not exactly like it, but there’s a sense of amusement with both.)

There’s a reason that the team is called the “Fakers” and other fans hate them. It isn’t because they’re the second-most celebrated franchise in the NBA. Boston has the greater history and more championships, but fans don’t hate Boston nearly as much as they hate the Lakers. (Though as a Boston backer, I know we can get pretty annoying with our self-adulation.)

It’s not the team. Who can hate Pau Gasol? He’s so ... uh, gangly. Okay, Kobe’s hatable, but he’s definitely almostas good as he thinks he is.

Nope, that's not it either. So what is it that makes them despised more than any other hardwood ballers?

It’s one aspect of the team --- the fans. And it’s not any one thing in particular, it’s just, well, ... everything.

On the outside, they act like typical fans. They make predictions. One fan told me the Lakers would beat the Magic in three. In three! A best-of-seven series in three! That’s so cute.

They complain about the referees. Mainly, this comes from mimicking Phil Jackson who complains about the referees so much, I’m not sure he isn’t using it for a euphemism about the government’s handling of the financial crisis or something other than actual refereeing. I’m actually shocked he didn’t complain about the refs during the celebration after the clinching game. Does he go into a restaurant where a waiter asks him, “Is everything here satisfactory, sir?” and say, “Are you kidding me? We haven’t had one call go our way the entire meal!”

And this is a man who coaches a team whose superstar has elbows that are actually wanted in several states for attempted murder!!! Phil Jackson’s a bright guy. He complains about the refs to gain an edge in the series. Sure, he gets fined, but he makes that money back in book deals. The fans haven’t realized this yet. Simply delightful.

They make comparisons. Talk of Phil Jackson being better than Red Auerbach started years ago, but now it’s “been proven.” Well, except for the fact that any conversation requiring the comparison of two different eras is inane and pointless. Marvelously naive.

They rationalize their fandom. I heard a fan call into a radio show and declare that he was not a fair weather fan, but rather a great fan because he didn’t think he had to root for the team if they were bad. He had, in fact, earned the right to expect a good team and should only root for them when they were good. And the talk show host agreed with him. It’s endearing. Don’t you want to just pinch their cheeks?

(Of course, if you want to get technical, that’s actually the definition of a fair weather fan. But we won't go there.)

They’re sore losers. Upon Boston winning last year, one Lakers fan told me the only reason Boston won was because Kevin McHale traded Kevin Garnett to the Celtics as a favor to his former team. Quite an observant little pip, he was. I didn’t have the heart to tell him who Jerry West was and how Pau Gasol got to the Lakers. It would have ruined his whole outlook.

And they’re sore winners. Anyone who didn’t root for their team is a “sore loser” and a “Laker Hater.”

They spread themselves thin. If the Clippers make the playoffs, they start following them as well. Kids will be kids, huh?

They make stuff up. One Lakers fan last year said that his team had the best defense in the league last year. Just don’t look at league stats. They would only confuse you. Trite!

They take quotes out of context to validate their points. During one particularly awfully officiated game versus Denver, announcer Jeff Van Gundy remarked how the refs were doing a great job. One Lakers fan pounced on that to me. Guess he missed the moment earlier in the same game where Van Gundy bashed the refs for a missed call. Ah, so spunky!

They put flags on their cars to announce their allegiances ... and that they had eight bucks lying around. It’s just that the majority of them don’t come up until the Finals begin. You guys are certainly welcome to start using them earlier in the playoffs. No one will get mad.

Oh, and they get feisty. One newspaper columnist made his case for the better team in an article about how Boston fans were not as good looking. Oof! You really showed those fans. There’s a “Key to the Game” I don’t anyone else had noticed.

Those are the Lakers fans. Take them or leave them.

It’s not that they’re totally to blame. There’s a lot more going on in Los Angeles to catch one’s interest. How many babies does Angelina Jolie have now? What did “The Watchman” gross? The Lakers really don’t have the cache of other subjects.

But the fans really do try. They’ll make it to two, maybe three quarters of a game during the season. (They’re similar to Dodgers fans in that sense. I went to a game at Dodger Stadium last week in which the Dodgers were down 3-1 and the stadium emptied in the seventh inning. Sure, their excuse is that they wanted to beat traffic. But when half the stadium leaves at the same time, you’re not beating traffic. You are the traffic.)

And there are fans that live, sleep and breathe Lakers, but that’s not what elevates them in the eyes of other fans to the status of good fans. Lakers fans are like in the minor leagues of fandom. A couple of solid seasons strung together or maybe an injury or demotion to a fan base such as Portland and they might just reach the big leagues.

But all seriousness aside, it is nice to see them trying. Los Angelenos, congratulations! You can hang your flags now to show everyone that you’re fans of the team ... or to just show them that you had eight dollars.