Wasif's World

In the coming week, Michael Vick will have his answer from Commissioner Roger Goodell regarding his potential suspension. Reports have Vick receiving as little as a two-game suspension to as much as a six-gamer. Any of these may mean the upstart UFL may have their first superstar as Vick could certainly head over there and start playing. (Gotta love America. If you can't get a million dollars in one place, there's always another willing to offer it to you.)

It was said that Goodell was going to back off his typical hard-as-nails stance and give Michael a conditional reinstatement instead of the stiffer penalty. But, after convening his staff along with the legal team, he realized that the conditions they came up with were a little silly. Here's the list that leaked from the league:

Has to wear "PETA Hate Me" on the back of his jersey.
Has to share a house with Ochocinco for the rest of the summer.
Must appear on "American Idol" to be critiqued by Simon Cowell.
Must cede the title of "the responsible Vick" to his brother Marcus.
Will not be allowed to "find Jesus" as part of his reinvention.
Forfeit his right to do endorsements, but must appear in those public service announcements for STDs.
Must play on the Lions.
Must play with his shoelaces tied together this season.
Must participate in the United Way's "Take a Player to the Chess Club" inner-city schools promotions.
Cannot, under any circumstances, do any lame tributes to Michael Jackson.

As that's the best they could come up with, it seems best to just suspend Vick for the beginning of the season ... and make him play for the Lions.