Wasif's World

My, oh, my! Didn't 2010 go faster than an Olympic luge course in Vancouver? I mean, it’s as if 2010 was “The Tonight Show” and we were Conan O’Brien. First off, I want to thank all of you who, upon my request to text me your most genteel holiday wishes, complied ... except for “Brett in Minnesota,” from whom I have revoked all future cell phone privileges for apparently misreading the word “genteel.”

Okay, before we get started, let’s get something straight right now –- I’m very confused about calling these the “2011 NFL Playoffs.” The season all took place during 2010, so wouldn’t they be the 2010 playoffs? Though the Saints won it all in 2010 (for the 2009 season) so that would make it confusing if you called these the 2010 playoffs and the Saints didn’t win.

At least in basketball and hockey, you’ll say the ’08-’09 season. That eliminates all confusion, but takes a while to say.

That said, you’ve read the “experts” and their predictions. They give you their best guesses as to what will happen during these forthcoming NFL playoffs, but none of them expand upon what could happen. So allow me to do that for you now:

WILD CARD ROUND:

New York Jets @ Indianapolis Colts

What Could Happen
Rex Ryan instructs his team to set up “the wall” against the other team’s gunner on kickoffs, but once his coaches put their feet out there, Ryan begins to fantasize about what they look like inside their shoes; wondering if there’s toe knuckle hair or how calloused they are or ... sorry, I got carried away. He loses focus on the game and without his guidance, Mark Sanchez gets called for a record 19 delay-of-game penalties in a row taking a first-and-goal situation from the Colts’ 1-yard line to a first-and-goal from their own 4-yard line. Sanchez finally gets the play from the sidelines, which is a pass, drops back, and is sandwiched by Dwight Freeney and Robert Mathis for a safety, the eventual margin of victory for the Colts.

What Will Happen
The only feet Ryan will be worried about is Peyton Manning who manages to stay on his all game long, leading his team to victory.

Baltimore @ Kansas City

What Could Happen
Ray Lewis gets so fired up before the game against Kansas City that his head explodes and the game is delayed 20 minutes while the grounds crew cleans it up.

What Will Happen
Ray Lewis and the Ravens defense manages to stifle the Kansas City offense. Meanwhile, on the other side of the ball, Joe Flacco has trouble getting things started thanks to the rabid Arrowhead fans. Special teams play powers Kansas City to a narrow upset. The Ravens are not so surprised when they are told after the game that the Chiefs are made up of many ex-Patriots. "Great, now I hate Kansas City too," mutters Terrell Suggs.

New Orleans @ Seattle

What Could Happen
The "12th Man," the Qwest Field advantage works for the Seahawks. It is so loud there that Drew Brees can’t function. He throws an uncharacteristic three picks and Seattle decisively upsets the defending Super Bowl champs.

What Will Happen
The "12th Man," the Qwest Field advantage works for the Seahawks. It is so loud that Drew Brees can only lead his offense to score 40 points against Seattle. Pete Carroll is so excited by this display of efficiency, he hugs Brees after the game.

Green Bay @ Philadelphia

What Could Happen
The game in Philadelphia will be postponed three days because of the threat of a snow flurry. In the interim, Aaron Rogers bumps his head on the night table next to his bed during a fitful dream about Brett Favre returning to Green Bay next year, thus sustaining a concussion.

Michael Vick, meanwhile, goes shopping for a dog at the local shelter. Attempting to pet a cute pekingese, it bites him because it knows of his reputation. Vick is hospitalized with rabies. Kevin Kolb and Matt Flynn lead their respective teams to an uninteresting Green Bay upset in front of only 2,500 fans because everyone was confused about when the game was actually going to be played, including Pennsylvania Governor Ed Rendell, who's justifiably pissed.

What Will Happen
Michael Vick, back in the playoffs for the first time since 2005, will do what he did with Atlanta and surprise the Green Bay Packers, a team expected by many to be playing in February. The Eagles win a close, low-scoring affair.

Result: New Orleans, Kansas City, Philadelphia, Indianapolis advance.

DIVISIONAL ROUND:

Indianapolis @ Pittsburgh

What Could Happen
Roethlisberger has déjà vu as he hands the ball off to his running back near the goal line and Mendenhall fumbles. It’s recovered by a Colts cornerback who rumbles down the field only to be tackled at midfield by Big Ben himself.

What Will Happen
The injuries to Manning’s Colts finally catch up with them and he is unable to pull this one out after James Harrison knocks four more Colts out of the game, including an equipment manager on the sideline, earning him $400,000 worth of fines.

Kansas City @ New England

What Could Happen
New England meets New England-West as the Chiefs come to town. Charlie Weis and Romeo Crennel get confused and spend the first half of the game on the Patriots sideline calling plays for Belichick who, being a genius, decides not to correct them. Matt Cassell just hands the ball off on every play during that half, and the Chiefs still gain a respectable 80 yards on the ground heading into the locker room, though the Patriots hold a 35-0 edge in points.

What Will Happen
Belichick usually doesn’t do very well against his former apprentices and this Chiefs squad is full of them. They know everything about “the Hoodie” right down to the flavored fiber supplement he takes in his apple juice the morning of the game. It’s a dog fight, but one that is eked out by the Patriots because the Chiefs find themselves in awe of Brady's flowing locks instead of worrying about Alge Crumpler's mowing blocks.

New Orleans @ Atlanta

What Could Happen
A New Orleans and Atlanta rematch proves to be everything it’s cracked up to be. Tempers flare as it did in the last game and Atlanta wins on the final drive as "Matty Ice" throws to Tony Gonzalez in the back of the end zone.

What Will Happen Hm, that’s pretty much what will happen.

Philadelphia @ Chicago

What Could Happen
Philly finds a defense that is slobbering for some fresh meat. Michael Vick provides them that opportunity. On the first play from scrimmage, Vick scrambles to avoid Julius Peppers and finds himself in the arms of Lance Briggs who holds him up long enough for Peppers to arrive. The two of them each pull an arm off Vick before Brian Urlacher, behind a full head of steam, bulldozes the quarterback, earning a 15-yard helmet to helmet penalty as he knocks Vick’s helmet off . . . with his head still inside. Appreciative Bears fans applaud when Vick walks off under his own power.

What Will Happen
This is a tough game to pick. Jay Cutler is a wild card. Both teams are used to the cold. Devin Hester and DeSean Jackson are both very dangerous. But in the end, defense will prove the word of the day and that means Chicago will triumph.

Result: New England, Pittsburgh, Chicago, and Atlanta advance. CHAMPIONSHIP ROUND

Pittsburgh @ New England

What Could Happen
Hines Ward is upset that he was knocked out of the last game against New England. James Harrison is upset that he didn’t knock anyone out on New England. Troy Polamalu is upset that his equipment manager left his Head & Shoulders back at Heinz Field and he’s forced to use a generic CVS brand shampoo. Charlie Batch is upset that he’s not starting this game as he feels he’s made a compelling argument by beating Tampa Bay in Week 3. Fueled by emotion, the Steelers return to yet another Super Bowl. What Will Happen
The Steelers rack up 150 yards running, but manage to give up 200, including a Tom Brady run for 22 yards on a third-and-twenty. Shayne Graham kicks the deciding field goal and the Patriots return to the Super Bowl on the heels of a three-point nail biter.

Chicago @ Atlanta

What Could Happen
Julius Peppers knocks Matt Ryan out of the game on a legal hit that he is flagged for. His backup, Chris Redman, manages impressively but Ryan, though unable to lift his throwing shoulder, defiantly and heroically returns to the game. Even knowing that all he can do is hand off, the Bears are somehow unable to stop Michael Turner who scores the final touchdown with under two minutes remaining and Jay Cutler throws his third interception of the game to seal the Bears’ fate.

What Will Happen
In a boring, low-scoring affair, Ryan’s two interceptions make him and his team just that much better than Cutler’s three interceptions and the Falcons earn a “dirty bird” dance back to the Super Bowl.

Result: New England and Atlanta advance. SUPER BOWL XLV

Atlanta and New England

What Could Happen
The Super Bowl is postponed two weeks as the league and the NFLPA finally come to an agreement about expanding the season to 18 games. They decide it should start immediately and every team is ordered to play two more games. After those games are over, the New England Patriots and the Atlanta Falcons will meet for Super Bowl XLV.

Parity in the NFL leads to the two No. 1 seeds facing off against each other, defying the norm. Atlanta starts off with an onside kick, that is recovered by a Falcon and it goes from there. The Falcons frequently drop 11 men into coverage and cause Brady to throw four picks. Miraculously, the game comes down to the final play with the Falcons up by two and the Patriots needing another miracle from their kicker. It’s Shayne Graham who is iced three times by the Falcons who have not yet used any of their time outs for just such an occasion.

Graham is ready, but the snap is muffed and Graham picks it up. He scrambles and manages to loft the ball up toward Deion Branch who alertly goes out for the pass. Branch catches it, but is stopped at the half-yard line surpassing the Titans-Rams Super Bowl as the closest finish ever.

What Will Happen
Ah, who are we kidding? This is the easiest game the Patriots face during the playoffs, if not all season and it’s a 45-3 snoozefest. Outraged by his team’s performance after the game, Arthur Blanks opens up the checkbook and signs free agent quarterback Michael Vick.

There you have it. The ifs, ands, buts, or whats of the 2011 (though an addendum to 2010) playoffs. Take this one to the bank! (While there, you might want to open a CD account. Rates are pretty good right now.)

Ho! Ho! Ho! (Do you always equate that phrase with Santa Claus or are you like me and follow those words placed adjacent to one another in quick succession with the phrase “Green Giant?” Just wondering.)

As the yuletide season descends upon us, complete with bowl blowouts, playoff pushes and foot fetishes, I’ve managed to get a sneak peek at Jolly Ol’ Saint Nick’s bag o’ gifts for those sports figures we know so well that have been nice, and for some who have been naughty. (Damn liberals always have to make sure no one’s left out.)

So now without any further ado, I present to you the 2010 Christmas list for members of the sports world:

To Randy Moss, a Bill Belichick blow-up doll for him to have on hand when he can’t get the real thing.

To Michael Vick, a Snoopy stuffed animal. (You gotta start slow, Michael. Start slow.)

To Barry Bonds, a little more free time before he’s thrown in jail on perjury charges.

To the New York Yankees, Derek Jeter at shortstop for another three years. I’m sure you’ll be very happy together. Hahahahahahahahaha!

To Rob Ryan, a giant Rex Ryan wig to cover Rex Ryan’s ego.

To Rex Ryan, a pedicure, so he can enjoy his own feet without so much attention being paid to his personal activities.

To Mark Sanchez, an offensive touchdown.

To LeBron, a trip to the Eastern Conference semifinals with your new team ... and another loss there, just like with your old team.

To Carmelo, a team on the East Coast. (Might I suggest Syracuse? You’d still have three years remaining, wouldn’t you?)

To the New York Knicks, a trip back to relevance, but still no championship.

To the New Jersey Nets, four future first-round draft picks that still won't get you Carmelo.

To Eli Manning, sliding lessons.

To Vince Young, a new coach, a new team and a new attitude.

To David Stern, the intelligence and guts to contract eight teams so that your sport will be enjoyable again for all cities again and not just the four cities that have a legitimate shot at winning a championship.

To Brett Favre, a rocking chair ... with arm and leg straps on it to keep him in it.

To the New Orleans Saints, the “S” placed back at the beginning of their name after decades of futility. (That one arrived early thanks to Air Favre’s shipping service.)

To Cam Newton, a better business manager than his father.

To Greg Oden, an NBA career ... maybe, someday.

To the Portland Trail Blazers -- another chance to pick Kevin Durant instead.

To Yao Ming, new legs.

To Allen Iverson, “The Answer” -- and that is ... retire.

To Cortland Finnegan, some humble pie.

To the Metrodome, a better balloon roof.

To Shaquille O’Neal, a.k.a. "Tip-In O’Neal" or "The Big Shamrock," a final ring with Boston, giving him as many as Kobe, and enshrinement in the Great Personalities of Sports Hall of Fame.

To Donovan McNabb, some respect and a starting job for a full season with a new team.

To Tom Brady ... nothing. You have everything already ... All right, you win. Another Super Bowl ring!

To TCU, a big hug. It’s a small consolation, but the best I could do.

To Peyton Manning, some personnel consistency, fer cryin’ out loud!

To “The T.Ocho Show,” a second season, this time in the jungles of Africa mixing “Survivor”-type excitement with you two talking for a half-hour.

To the UConn Lady Huskies, a loss already, it’s getting boring.

To Geno Auriemma, some updated stereotypes about women.

To Brian Wilson, anything you want. Quite frankly, you frighten Santa.

To Jerry Jones, a team in the Super Bowl! (In other words, one share of stock in the Atlanta Falcons.)

To Tiger Woods, just a little bit of the mojo you used to have.

To Coach John Wooden, a team in heaven.

Enjoy your presents, everyone! And may I wish all of you a very happy and healthy holiday season. Thanks for reading and see you in the 2011, for a full slate of major league baseball and ... well, with labor disagreement looming, that’s about it! Ho Ho Ho! Green Giant!

I’m not gonna answer more questions for the rest of this year. If there’s gonna be an interview, I’m gonna conduct it. So I’ll answer my own questions; axe myself the questions, give y’all the answers.” – Randolph Tiberius Moss 10/31/10

And thus Randy Moss -- athlete, journalist, tantrumist -- summoned in the era of the self interview, thus making the Bob Costases, Dan Patricks and Roy Firestones obsolete. (And yes, they are all plural because they were cloned a long time ago, ever since technology made it possible.) We shall look back on these days with historical reverence for it is when the landscape of broadcasting changed.

I now present to you a compilation of some of Randy Moss’ greatest interviews conducted of himself, by himself, and quite frankly, for himself. I believe you will find these to be very revealing of a man who all at once is a brilliant receiver, a difficult personality, a misunderstood child, a mediocre karaoke artist, and an amateur puff pastry chef.

Without any further adieu, the Randy Moss Interviews (DVD pre-order available now through Amazon):

Could I describe the incident with the buffet table my last week with Minnesota? I got totally misunderstood there. The food was delicious. Tinucci’s, man, I love that place! I said, “I wouldn’t feed that to my dog.” My dog eats dog food. Do you know what would happen if I gave him ribs and chicken and [expletive]? I’d be cleaning up after him all night. Man, I gotta think about myself. I need at least eight hours of sleep if I intend to come in here next week and take double teams to free up Percy Harvin. I can’t go pooper scoopin’ all night. Think about it.

My mom used to feed me kitty litter until I was 7. We weren’t even that poor and didn’t own a cat. But no reporter ever bothered to ask me that.

Does everyone have skeletons in their closet? Yeah. Is mine an actual skeleton? You better believe it.

I think I get a bad rap. Wherever I go, people say “Randy’s doggin’ it” and “Randy’s messin’ up on purpose.” I laugh it off. Do I sometimes wet my pants from laughing? Sure, who doesn’t?

Heck yeah, I’d have sex with Tom Brady! That’s a two-minute drill I’d love to be a part of. But to answer your question, I do think the electric car can definitely provide relief to a global climate that is under terrible strain from car emissions.

Who do I think killed Kennedy? Three words: Lyndon Baines Johnson.

I’ll tell you what gives me the wind something awful, that edamame [expletive]; though I’ll run faster when I eat it, so it’s not all bad.

How do we get rid of blue as a color? I hate that color. It should stay in the ocean where it belongs.

Those Chilean miners, man. I was pulling for them the whole way. I once climbed inside my clothes dryer when I was a kid. I got stuck in there for a week, so I could relate to them in some ways.

I’ll sing Tupac in the shower and sometimes I sing the theme song to “Josie and Pussycats.” It all depends on the mood I’m in. And yes, I believe my dogs are stealing from me ... Not all of them, just the Doberman.

I’ve always been fascinated by photosynthesis.

Craziest thing I’ve ever done? Let’s just say I christened the Lincoln Bedroom during a middle school class trip to the White House.

Would I take a bullet for Randy Moss? You’ll have to ask Randy Moss that one. I have no comment.

I’d definitely do Snookie from “Jersey Shore,” wouldn’t you? That chick’s crazy ... and orange. I’m all about life experiences, man. How many times in my life would I get to [expletive] a crazy, orange chick? That’s as close as I can get to [expletive] an alien, man. “Life experiences” - that’s the Randy Moss motto. That, and “always be crazy.”

I hope you’ve enjoyed your first-hand glimpse at a truly fascinating individual brought to you by the one man who knows him best -– himself. We now return you to the “Brett Favre Saga” to find out which body part he damages next week.

Here’s an interesting article I came across on the web detailing Tom Brady’s recent car accident on Thursday, September 9. It sure does shed some light on the Patriots’ offensive field general. I thought I'd repost it here.

AP – Boston
New England Patriots quarterback spoke Monday morning for the first time about the car accident he was involved in on Thursday morning, saying he was “scared more than being rushed by Ray Lewis” when his Audi sedan crashed into a minivan which, according to witnesses, had run a red light.

"I'm telling you, when it happened, I didn't even know what to do, because you're just in shock," Brady said during his regularly scheduled interview on Boston sports radio station WEEI on Monday morning. "I was kind of sitting there in the car, looking around, trying to get my bearings.

"And then I got out of the car and I saw a woman had suffered cardiac arrest from the scare. I knew I had to act quickly so I initiated CPR and got her vitals back to normal. It was nothing anyone couldn’t learn in two hours at the neighborhood community center. Then I was looking in the other car to make sure they were OK.”

“The guy next to me says, ‘Hey, do you think we should call 9-1-1?’ And I said, ‘God, that would be a good idea, wouldn’t it?’ So I did what anyone else in my situation would have – I used mental telepathy to contact the paramedics.”

Brady, who escaped from the accident unharmed, said the paramedics acted professionally at the scene, attending to a passenger in the minivan who needed to be hospitalized before requesting autographs from the New England signal caller.

Attorney Samuel Reef told reporters that 49-year-old Rogerio Rodrigues’ condition has worsened. The Fall River resident was lying down in the back of the minivan driven by his adult son when the collision happened.

Police waited for “the jaws of life” to extract the victim from the vehicle, but short of time, Brady just ripped open the roof with his bare hands in order to free Rodrigues.

Brady said Monday that, aside for his safety at the time of the crash, he also feared for the well-being of another bystander, a woman who was out walking her pet tiger near the intersection where the accident took place.

"After the paramedics arrived, I saw a woman and I said, 'Are you OK?' And she said, 'Yeah, I'm fine, but I’ve lost my baby." After locating the scared tiger atop a tree along Commonwealth Avenue, Brady climbed up to retrieve it. “The lady’s kitty was up in the tree. What was I supposed to do, leave it there?”

The three-time Super Bowl champion admits to being frightened by the possibility of having to answer to a higher power on that day. “I was just thinking, 'How am I going to -- I've got to call [Coach] Belichick, I'm going to be late [for practice].’”

When reached for comment, the typically reticent Belichick said, “He was late to practice, that’s all I know.”

Before being checked and cleared to leave the scene, Brady noticed the minivan had knocked over a street lamp which he then repaired with some sort of heat-vision.

Upon reaching the Patriots practice facility in Foxborough, Brady was pulled aside by owner Robert Kraft to inform him of his new $72 million contract extension, which Brady promptly donated to a charity helping smuggle families out of war-torn Darfur and setting them up in Hollywood to forge careers in the movies.

“It was surreal. People think I’m somehow superhuman and don’t get affected by all this, but I’m just like everybody else. I was so excited that I was able to come home and see my supermodel wife Gisele and my son ... that felt good," Brady said. "I got in a crash, I came home and I said, 'God, I'm just fortunate to be able to be here.' That's really a blessing."

Police say part of what may have helped Tom was his seat belt ... the other part, of course, being his Justin Bieber-like hair and matinee idol good looks. “It’s one of those intangibles that many people don’t think about when they get in their cars,” officer Frances Pearson said.

The lesson he learned from all of this?

"Man, wear your seat belts," Brady said. "And just try to be me. That's all I can tell everybody. You never know."

Trying to figure out my next blog to write, I looked at the calendar and realized that this week marks my one-year anniversary here at SportsFanLive. (No, please, I don’t want any gifts; your readership is enough. Besides, what would I do with a second horse’s head to go along with the one a Raiders fan sent me after one of my previous blogs?)

So much has happened in the world of sports over this time that I thought I’d take this opportunity, if you’ll indulge me, to recap the events I’ve blogged about during the past year. (If not, that’s fine too. Just reading to this point has allowed my computer virus enough time to access all your personal files and send them to me. So your readership and all your confidential information is enough.)

In order to remain consistent with engaging content, I’ve been fortunate enough to have a supportive leadership team at the website, a slew of fascinating stories to follow, but mainly, it’s been the fans who have been my rock, my Dwayne Johnson, if you will.

Yes, it is you, the reader, who have been so kind to me over the past year and I am so grateful. Your comments let me know you care. Rest assured, I read them all and please know that the comments about my mother and the female body parts that I resemble have been much appreciated. Sports and the opinions associated with it should never be treated flippantly and demand an overly critical eye toward the subjective.

I cherish our relationship. It’s because I feel so close to you that I’ve trusted you enough to bare my soul. (Or is it bear my soul? What does that even mean? Is that where Brian Urlacher tackles my celestial inner being?) For instance, I came out to you in this, the most public forum, in announcing my love for Peyton Manning, which screamed in opposition to my positive feelings for Bill Belichick. I didn’t care who knew it.

I relived a most painful experience of my being picked off second base by the hidden ball trick in what was actually a balk. So instead of third base, I was forced to sit on the pine, a most heinous crime perpetuated upon me by “the ill-informed.” Even now, it still makes me well up, but I felt comfortable enough to be vulnerable in front of you all.

I shared the tale of my day sitting amongst Raider Nation at San Diego’s Qualcomm Stadium. Instead of finding them dangerous as I had expected, I was surprised to learn that they’re nothing more than really very scary people who you don’t want to look in the eyes.

Yes, we’ve been through quite a 12-month period together, haven’t we? We’ve witnessed some incredible events like an entire tournament of curling, each time alternatively wondering why we were watching and making plans to take up curling with the goal of participating in the 2014 Winter Games in Russia; we watched the World Cup, longing for the excitement of curling; we watched a five-set tennis match that lasted longer than the Orioles season before being mathematically eliminated from playoff contention; we saw the best heavyweight battle we’ve seen in years in the McCourt v. McCourt fight (they’re talking sequel); and we saw a 28-out perfect game, which is most definitely once in a lifetime!

And we laughed together too. Remember when Mercury Morris tried to act relevant, like his 1972 Dolphins team’s 17 consecutive wins still meant something even though teams like the Patriots and Colts surpass it routinely? Or when the Philadelphia Phillies fan outran the guy with the Taser gun ... for a few seconds?

And then there was the time Mark McGwire told us he did steroids, as if it was a big reveal akin to the “Sixth Sense” or “The Usual Suspects.” Instead, it came off with all the suspense of an ESPN special to announce where Brian Scalabrine is going to end up playing next year.

This year was not without life lessons as well, like the fact that men entering Yankee Stadium are forced to check their bags across the street for $7, but then can literally climb into a woman’s purse or duffel bag and be smuggled into the park without even a suspicious glance.

We also learned that Big Papi doesn’t ask what’s in his “protein shakes” and Manny likes to get in touch with his feminine side with a cycle of drugs for women.

Oh, and we also learned that it was Derek Jeter that was leaking the names of those players on the infamous steroid user list. (Disclaimer: I’m the one that started that rumor.) (Disclaimer on the disclaimer: Or did I?)

But one giant lesson that we learned from Tiger Woods was that if you’re going to cheat, don’t text. Remember, texters never win and winners never text.

Though I can’t blame him for his mistake, for I’ve made mistakes too. For instance, I thought there was no way the Lakers and Celtics would’ve been able to “flip a switch” and start playing well through the playoffs after coasting through the end of the season. Well, like Arthur Fonzarelli, I am more than man enough to admit when I was wr--, when I was wrooo--, when I was wrrrrrrrrr--; well, nobody’s perfect.

And speaking of the Lakers, their fans were the focus of most of my attacks this year, but only because – well, they’re still around. I must apologize. I had originally planned for them to get all of my attacks. I promise that I will do better next year.

To all of you who’ve enjoyed a year of blogs, thanks for reading. And to you Lakers fans out there, thanks for finding someone to read this to you, explaining all the big words.

(See, never let it be said that I don’t keep a promise.)

Let’s take a step back to look at the NFL in this the lead-up to the Super Bowl.

In a league where job security is as improbable as Heidi Montag making it a week without plastic surgery, Tom Cable and Norv Turner both will return next year to once again lead their respective teams to early offseasons. Congratulations, fellas!

Now, I’d like to address one of my fans, someone calling himself “swyner,” who wrote to me after my previous piece, “Your an idiot … This guy Brett is a superstar and the Vikings are the best team in football.”

Don’t you hate it when the “best team in football” gets beaten by those lesser teams? And I appreciate your observation, “swyner,” but you didn’t tell me what, of mine, is an idiot. You left out a few words. Did you mean to say “Your financial advisor is an idiot?” “Your parolee neighbor is an idiot?” Using the possessive “your” necessitates a conclusion to the noun phrase you’re attempting. Hey, I’m always here to help my readers.

Now on to pressing matters – Did anyone think Brett was not going to throw the ball to the other team? It’s what he does. Strong arm, tough player, not a great decision-maker. When you see the sun come up day after day, you kinda come to expect it.

That said, we should look at this objectively; Brett Favre is a Hall-of-Famer. He makes plays other quarterbacks not in the Hall of Fame can’t or couldn't. (He also makes plays quarterbacks who are in the Hall of Fame didn’t or wouldn’t. And that’s why we’re even having this discussion.) He’s still one of the greatest of all-time and the prefix “Hall-of-Famer” will never be withdrawn from his name.

As much as I joked about revoking his status due to blowing Super Bowl berths (now twice), he doesn’t deserve that ... though he has exactly as many rings as Brad Johnson does.

On the flip side, I heard someone refer to Philip Rivers as a “future Hall-of-Famer” the other day. Now that commentator should have his credentials rescinded.

Brett told Chris Mortensen, by the way, that it’s “highly unlikely” he’ll return next season. Uh, yeah, is there anyone buying that one?
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We’re going to be deluged by “experts” making their game predictions this next week. Half (approximately) will say one thing, the other half will say another. So either way, a large percentage of them will be wrong. How about we stop calling them experts please?

If you went to a doctor, an expert in the medical profession, and he said you had a hernia; then you got a second opinion from a doctor that said you actually only had hiccups, you probably wouldn’t consider one of them an “expert” anymore.
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Around this time, people take a moment to reflect upon recent Super Bowls and that will inevitably bring up the belief by some that Bill Belichick’s teams didn’t deserve to win because he “cheated.”

I love how the legend of this grows every day. It’s to the point where the story is that Belichick himself was on the sidelines of the other team’s closed practice with a camera. I think he even asked Andy Reid to have the players run through a play a second time just so he could shoot it from another angle.

The man is a genius, after all. He was so smart that he showed his team all these video tapes (that he took himself) and told his team not to beat the opponents too badly so no one would suspect their illegalities.

And that’s why Brady and his Bunch won each contest by only three points, including two with last-minute field goals. That was all part of Belichick’s master stroke. With the footage he had, including one shot through the keyhole of Donovan McNabb’s hotel room as the quarterback admired himself in the mirror, the Patriots could’ve won by 80 points easily, but that would’ve tipped people off to foul play.
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I really don’t care who wins this year as I have no fish in the tank, so to speak, no spice in the soup, no gun in the locker room, no ... okay, you get the point. I just want to see a good, clean game. Last year’s contest, though exciting, was still marred by controversy.

After driving the length of the field, the Steelers left the Cardinals with very little time for Kurt Warner to do a little magic of his own. But that should not have meant the game was over.

Holmes, after making a great catch in the corner of the end zone, used the ball as a prop in an effort to celebrate. Excessive celebration, 15-yard penalty. (Another one of the rules that probably shouldn’t be a rule, but it is.) However, it wasn’t called. Whoa! Why make a rule if you’re not going to enforce it? That’s like saying, “Intentional grounding, but y’know what? We’re just gonna let it slide this once. First down and 10!”

It would’ve pushed the kickoff back 15 yards, presumably giving the Cardinals better field position with which to work.

Then, after a few plays, Warner fumbled the ball in what was clearly not a fumble. But since there was less than two minutes remaining, it was an automatic booth review. (I understood why they called it a fumble, so there would be something to review. If it wasn’t called a fumble, then there’d be nothing to review.) So let’s just go up to the --- huzzah what now? The Steelers are being given the ball?!

What part of automatic booth review do you not understand? Did the booth guys go home? Were they relieving themselves after four quarters of large Miller Genuine Drafts? Or were they just Steelers fans?

I’m not saying the Cardinals would’ve won, but with Kurt Warner and Larry Fitzgerald on their team, there’s no better finish I would’ve liked to see. And I’m still waiting for the league to pick up with that game. Perhaps they could play that last minute as the pre-game next Sunday.
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My early prediction for Super Bowl XLIV, before I've pored through the myriad statistics and listened to the experts, is for either the Saints or the Colts to prevail. Though I wouldn’t put it past Belichick to find a way to somehow steal the crown from both teams. He is, after all, a diabolical supergenius who must have something up his sleeve.

Patriots fans are worried. As well they should be. Is this the end of their magical run of greatness? The team that dominated the decade, the team that set all sorts of records, the team that set a new bar of perfection in a season over which other teams must now jump has suddenly become (gasp!) mortal.

Unthinkable as it may have once been, it’s now a reality. I mean, we’re talking about a team that put itself in the same conversation with the Steelers of the 1970s and the Walsh/Montana, Seifert/Young 49ers.

New England won three championships, but was essentially four minutes away from five in seven years. If Reche Caldwell (he of the googly eyes) catches the wide-open, coverage-breakdown pass and runs into the end zone versus the Colts in the 2007 AFC Championship game, New England more than likely goes on to beat Chicago in the Super Bowl. And, of course, there were the events of one year later, during their undefeated season, when they lost the Super Bowl on a miraculous catch from David Tyree. (I mean, seriously, who catches a ball against his helmet?)

Then Touchdown Tom Brady gets hurt, the potent offense grows somehow stagnant, they sputter into the playoffs with all sorts of things wrong with them, and here we are; they’ve gone from perennial Super Bowl favorite to once-was, apparently with no more bullets in the chamber. It’s the classic depiction of the rise and fall of a dynasty.

Rome went the same way. Remember when Caesar’s offensive linemen gathered around him and stabbed him, right there at midfield, as he was about to hand off to Augustus, their scat back? “Et tu, Hog Hannah,” he uttered.

However, there’s reason to believe it may not be the end at all, but rather a hiccup in the finely-oiled machine that is the New England Patriots.

Patterns in sports are not too uncommon, as they are for imperial kingdoms as well. The Patriots, for instance, were a 14-point underdog to the purely powerful and potent “Greatest Show on Turf” one winter’s day back in 2002. They eked out a three-point win. Flash ahead six years and the Patriots

possessed a record-setting offense that was favored by 14 points. The Giants won by 3.

This is just one example of the repetitive plot lines that permeate sports. The mystery, however, is which pattern a team will follow, and that is what keeps gamblers and prognosticators on edge. To wit, I present to you, the New York Yankees. (Pardon the smell.)

Take a look at the larger picture and you may find that this certain baseball team from the Bronx serves as a remarkably similar model for Patriots fans to observe.

Picture it – the Bronx, mid 1990s; a core group of youngsters hit the scene and win multiple championships out of the gate.

And they were poised to win more. Jeter, Posada, Pettitte and Rivera had many years left in them. They were in the World Series for the fifth time in six years, in 2001. They lost in seven games, with their once perfect superstar, Rivera, blowing the save. The loss shocked the once infallible Empire.

Then came another losing trip to the World Series in 2003, and their monumental collapse to Boston in 2004. Their fans didn’t know what to make of this. That year, Buster Olney declared they were dead in his book, “The Last Night of the Yankee Dynasty.”

Sure, they kept winning games, enough to make the playoffs, but they couldn’t seal the deal as they had once done without difficulty. These Yankees weren’t the same.

But as we all know, the Yankees were not done. They were merely reloading.

The Patriots are that team now. Brady, the quarterback, and Belichick, the coach, the two most important cogs of a football squad, are still in place. But they’re struggling. It is the darkest night of their dynasty, as New York's baseball boys faced in the middle of the decade.

In baseball, free agency played a key role in putting the Yankees back over the top. They spent and spent and spent, and their investments came to fruition. It helped that they still had their core, though.

In football, the draft is the tool team executives and head coaches look to in order to replenish their gridiron warriors. And the Patriots have more premium draft chips over the next two years than any other team does. So don’t count them out.

With the addition of some studs during one whirlwind offseason to the solid foundation already in place, the team might be back on top like Navin Johnson at the end of “the Jerk.” Couple their potential draft coup with an uncapped season and you may be looking at the remake of “A Yankee Tale.”

Now, I know you’re all reacting emotionally right now – they’ve lost too many key ingredients; the league’s built on parity; Belichick’s grown too arrogant – but you don’t know the future. And neither do I (save for that one recurring vision I have of never getting a shot with Rachel McAdams). I’m just saying that a Patriots Rebirth is possible.

It looks dark now – and represents a wonderful opportunity for the Buster Olneys of the world (is there more than one?) to craft some very poignant prose about the summation of the Patriots path – but perhaps such fare is premature. Care to put money down on it, Augustus?

As I gorged myself with autumn gourds and gauged my eyes out at the egregious World Series memorabilia adorning my brother-in-law at the Thanksgiving dinner table (I mean, is it really necessary to hang NY Yankees tree ornaments from your glasses?), I focused not on the irreputable, impolite, improper mouth with legs that sat at the head of the table, but rather on that which I am most thankful in the world of sports.

I am most thankful for:

Second chances, without which Michael Vick would not be able to be irrelevant in football again.

Baseball's arbitration rules, which allow players that perform well-below their previous averages to still merit a pay raise.

Teams that award long-term, guaranteed deals to coaches and then fire them with six years left.

O.J. Simpson, for finding a nice white supremicist cellmate with whom he can have some stimulating conversations.

Sammy Sosa, for keeping himself the topic of conversation.

Rush Limbaugh, for giving me a good laugh in thinking he was going to be allowed to buy a team with a majority of African Americans.

Pacman Jones, for stimulating the economy with lots and lots of singles.

The potential for outdoor playoff baseball in Minnesota!

The New York Knicks, for putting their future on hold for LeBron, who probably won't sign with them.

Tim McCarver, for frequently guessing the upcoming pitch wrong, but continuing to try.

Athletes who forget that Tweets can be viewed by the public.

Serena Williams, for invoking the spirit of McEnroe.

The "Wildcat" offense in Miami, for scaring opponents enough to almost beat them.

The NCAA tournement, for adding a 65th team that will be eliminated the night after the play-in game.

Bud Selig, for allowing baseball players a day of rest between playoff games. (All that sitting in the dugout had been wearing them out.)

Michael Jordan, for being such a humble superstar.

Yankees Fans -- love 'em or hate 'em, but more often than not, hate 'em.

Peyton Manning, for his commercials. (I can't stay mad at you, Peyton.)

The "experts," for maintaining sub-.500 prognostication records.

Tom Cable, for thinking he's the luckiest man on earth to have avoided all charges levied against him, then remembering he's on the Raiders.

Bill Belichick, for always keeping it interesting.

Tony Romo, for consistently fooling his supporters into believing that he's actually not going to choke when it counts most.

And, most of all, I'm thankful for the wealth of entertainment that goes on in the world of sports. Enjoy the holiday season, everybody!

"The hoodie." Coach Bill Belichick. What can I say that hasn't already been said? Well, I can say that he's still a genius. People have been glossing over that fact with reckless disregard.

The media loves to prop someone up and then bash him down before you can say "Milli Vanilli." Well, I'm not going to do that. I'm going to stand by the coach, objectively and impartially (and certainly not because he has a copy of one of my books on the shelf in his office).

What is risk? Is it spitting orange juice at Kimbo Slice? Is it roller-blading down Broadway through midtown during rush hour? Is it mixing your mom's lemon meringue cookies recipe with your four-alarm chili ingredients?

One looks at these and thinks risk, whereas others look at these and think opportunity! (Actually, these might be bad examples because there's no risk inherent there. It almost certainly will turn out 100 percent bad. Though, the possibility of creating a new four-alarm lemon meringue tart may simply be too enticing to pass up.)

The "experts," who have as much expertise as a blogger does ... er, um ... that is to say, an "expert" blogger ... do not really constitute the "best of the best." If they did, they'd be coaching.

Did Bill Belichick make a bad decision? Absolutely not. He drew up a play that was designed to gain two yards and not an inch less. Watch the replay. The execution of such a play would have worked.

It's easy to make a knee-jerk reaction without any knowledge or insight on the play. It's the nature of the media to give immediate feedback, before all the facts come in. Or before they are given a chance to ruminate on the unique situation for which their brains are unaccustomed.

I mean, asking the experts -- one of whom, when asked what his main key to victory for the Patriots, answered, "The Patriots are going to have to protect Tom Brady." Really? I figured that's just what the Colts would expect. Perhaps they should throw a curve and just lay down when the Colts rush. Thanks, expert! -- isn't exactly going to get you clear insight.

They've been dumbed down by athletes regurgitating the same phrases like, "We've gotta give 110 percent." (Impossible.) "God was on our side today." (He wanted the other team to fail miserably.) And

"we're in for a battle today. They're a great team." (You're playing the Browns. No, they're not.)

So as further review would have revealed, Belichick's role in the decision -- displaying the balls to go for it -- worked perfectly. He's a master of the "growing a pair" play.

Watching the play over and over, you'll see that the Colts sent a rusher unchecked to Brady's blind side. (Speaking of which, how many other sports movies have been released while the subject is still playing? "The Blind Side" could be a winner, but if Michael Ober of the Ravens really sucks it up, it may not have as much oomph.) That left single coverage on three of his receivers on the left side, including the ever-deadly Wes Welker cutting across the middle. He had a step and, if the pigskin was thrown his way, could have possibly had a free path to the "house."

But Brady chose to throw it to Faulk. Now Faulk caught the ball. So Belichick calls for a pass to be caught. Check. And he calls for it to gain two yards. Where did Faulk catch it? Two yards deep. Check.

But Faulk bobbled it. Did he recover his bobble in time? No one will ever be able to tell.

Spotting the football is one of the toughest things to do in football. (It's up there with reviving Terrell Owens' career.) And there's nothing definitive to say that the final award of possession to the Colts was accurate. It's inconclusive, at best.

Most say that accuracy doesn't matter once the officials make the decision. But still, where does Bill Belichick deserve the blame in that scenario we've just reenacted?

Let's say he decided to punt. If Peyton Manning marches down the field again after having just done that a few minutes earlier, there is no blame, only credit to one of the greatest commercial pitchmen of all-time. (Oh, yeah, and signal-caller.)

Or let's say Brady decides to throw it to Welker. Or Faulk lunges forward. Or the officials spot it differently. Or Michael Vick chooses macrame instead of dogfighting. Then Belichick continues to be "the genius." And given the percentages for victory, he actually played a 79 percent chance compared to a 70 percent chance by going for it.

There have been so many times he's made the curious decision and it's worked out, including one Monday Night game against Denver when he called for a ball to be snapped out of the end zone on a punt for a safety, even though they were already losing at the time. It worked and the legend grew.

It worked, of course, because the Patriots defense held up and Brady was able to march his team down the field.

Other coaches set themselves up to fail with ridiculous decisions such as when Tom Cable sends his team onto the field for a game. There's less of a chance of success there than Belichick had decided to leave his offense on the field, especially if Cable continues to use JaMarcus Russell at quarterback. Yet no one questions the Raiders head coach.

When it's time for Coach Belichick to hang up his playbook, with three Super Bowl rings as head coach and two others as an assistant, there's one thing that Canton should ready a case for -- Bill's balls.

On second thought, just send the hoodie.

Boy, it went by so fast, didn’t it? The Patriots, only two weeks ago christened to be the winners of Super Bowl XLV, now have been announced dead on arrival by the pens and microphones of both regional and national stages.

Yes, the odds may have, to the uninformed observer, seemed great as Tom Terrific was coming back from major knee surgery, but c’mon, the way they do knee surgery nowadays, it might as well be a little dental work. He’d pick up right where he left off, without a doubt.

He’s no mere mortal, you know. Could a mere mortal have won the affections of the world’s number one supermodel? Could you, fat guy dribbling chocolate on his computer keyboard?

No! Only Tommy Tremendous could. And he would be back to actually improve on what was his record-shattering season back in 2007.

Alas, he tried, but couldn’t find his touch. The team played hard, but it wasn’t enough. Before Ochocinco could do another choreographed "Lambeau Leap," it was over.

I didn’t even know Commissioner Roger Goodell had shortened the NFL season to two games. I thought he was talking about making it longer. I mean, I suppose a shorter season makes the most sense to do. When the supply is less, the demand would be greater. So you’ll have the best ratings ever. A great, big Guinness “Brilliant!” to you, sir.

I kept expecting the Patriots to play more games, but listening to national commentators and local Boston mouthpieces and fans, though, got it to sink in – the Patriots woeful season is done.

Rightfully so, for they just didn’t have it this year. They couldn’t get the ball in the end zone. Only three touchdowns in eight red zone trips? What is that?! They just looked out of sorts. They ended their season at .500, but could easily have been winless.

(I love that phrase, “but they could easily have been 0-2.” Sure, if they didn’t win a game, they’d be 0-2. I could easily have made the NBA had I been able to run, jump, shoot and wasn’t of average height.)

Y’know it’s funny, if this was 2001, when they started 0-2 and were bringing in a second-year, former sixth-round draft pick to take over their lifeless offense when their starting quarterback went down, they might have had a shot to win it all. It’s a good thing teams were allowed to play all 16 games back then. That's not the case nowadays.

Yep, by 2009, they really set their hopes up high. Being the best team in football the last time Brady played a full season while going undefeated meant that anything short of that would be a complete failure. Other teams certainly don’t have to live up to that monumental cross.

The Panthers? They’re 0-2, but coming off a berth in the NFC Championship game. They’ll be okay – once Delhomme cuts down his mistakes from six picks a game to four.

The Cowboys? They have the same 1-1 record as the Patriots. Why have they not been eliminated yet as well? Well, they’re the Cowboys and they have a shiny, new stadium with a 400-ton television monitor waiting for just the right moment to drop on Terrell Owens when Buffalo comes to town.

How about the Titans? C’mon, they won like a dozen games in a row last year. They can turn it on at any time. The Patriots are so far removed from that type of dominance. It’s been two years since they embarked on a win streak of such proportions. New England is no Tennessee.

Perhaps Detroit? You can’t look poorly upon the Lions. They have far exceeded expectations! They’ve scored 40 points this year . . . in only two games! That’s more than the Patriots scored.

The Lions are used to being at the bottom. They look good at the bottom. They are kings of the bottom. But the Patriots belong on the top and if they can't be there, well . . .

Look how far they've fallen. It’s pathetic really. They didn’t have their best defensive player (Jerod Mayo) and most productive receiver (Wes Welker) and they still couldn’t win? That’s using injuries as a crutch. They’re the Patriots with Tom Touchdown! They were supposed to win with their practice squad players.

Plus, Belichick is always one step ahead. That’s why he traded Richard Seymour away. Too bad the defense was never given a chance to gel with their perennial Pro-Bowler gone before the team was eliminated from any sort of contention. Too bad Tom Brady wasn’t allowed to get his rhythm back, especially with two receivers he just met a few months ago in Joey Galloway and rookie Julian Edelman. Too bad Belichick went from being a genius to someone who was outcoached by a rookie head coach. That’s too many “too bads” for one team to recover.

But the Browns have no offense to speak of, doesn’t that merit a “too bad?” Nope. They’re the Browns. It’s par for the course.

But the Raiders have JaMarcus Russell, the worst quarterback in league history (sorry, Ryan Leaf, you can’t even win that honor). They wasted a No. 1 pick on him. Isn’t that worthy of a “too bad?” Have you not been paying attention to the Raiders in the last five years? No “too bad” for them.

Only the Patriots who, like Marlon Brando, coulda been a contendah earn sympathy from those commentators and reporters that have witnessed their demise and broadcast it to me.

I just wish they had some time to turn it around. Like that time Tom Jackson told us how much the Patriots hated their coach after losing to the Buffalo Bills in the first week of 2003, only to come back and win the Super Bowl that year giving that coach they "hated" bear hugs till he couldn't breathe.

Sadly, as the media has deemed it so, the wheels are off the bus, the glaze has been removed from the donuts, the Pabst has lost its blue ribbon.

Well, there’s always next year.