Wasif's World

Now is the time to predict who will win the Super Bowl. After weighing all the facts, poring over statistics, summoning forth the ghosts of Super Bowls past, listening to all the "experts" spout jibber jabber, and consulting with my Magic-8 ball, I’m finally ready to use all this information to corrupt whichever case I want to build.

Let’s first look at the case for the Colts. They will win. It’s obvious that they will win. First of all, they have Peyton Manning. He has never lost a Super Bowl.

Secondly, the team labeled the favorite by Vegas has won every year for the past one year.

Thirdly, these 2009 Colts have won every game that they’ve cared to win. They have the better defense and they don’t give teams a chance to capitalize on their mistakes ... cuz they don’t make enough.

Fourthly, they’ve proven to be the road block that precipitates an undeserving team’s demise. The Jets should not have beaten the Bengals (thank you, Shayne Graham). The Jets should not have beaten the San Diego Chargers (thank you, Nate Kaeding ... and somehow Norv Turner, because he always finds a way to lose). The Colts aren’t going to let teams that won because of bad play on the part of their opponents during the previous games beat them. Do you hear that, New Orleans?

Fifthly, the Colts put 30 points on the board against the No. 1 defense in the league. And then their defense only gave up 17 points to the high-flying New York Jets. (Wait ... 17 points to the Jets? Really? Okay, so maybe that’s a plus for the Saints.)

Sixthly, they’re playing in Miami again, site of their most recent Super Bowl victory, so they’re used the whole vibe there.

Seventhly, first-time teams don’t win Super Bowls (except the Rams ... and the Ravens ... er, and the Bucs.)

Eightly, Archie Manning didn’t raise his boys to lose ... save for Cooper.

Ninthly, Peyton is driven to win. (Unlike those other mere punch-the-clock signal callers who don’t care as long as the check clears.)

And tenthly, the Colts can come from behind.

Ten very sharp points giving definitive cause to bet the farm on Indianapolis (though the farm is usually located just outside Indy's city limits). So that's what Vegas would have you believe.

There's also very keen evidence to reveal a clear Saints victory. It makes it very obvious that they'll win. How shall they beat thee; let us count the ways:

One) The Saints are a bend-but-don’t-break defense. They gave up almost 500 yards of offense to the Minnesota Vikings, but caused enough turnovers to win the game. All part of their plan.

Dos) The last team that Brett Favre handed a Championship Game to went on to win the Super Bowl.

C) The Colts can’t be expected to succeed more than Brett Favre’s potent passing performance. So the Saints have handled the worst.

IV) Dwight Freeney is hurt. A speed rusher with a bum ankle? Advantage: Saints.

Next, the Saints are also a comeback team.

After that, the Saints are playing for their city. (Okay, that’s a dumb one.)

To be followed by, Reggie Bush plays well every other game. He took the Minnesota game off so LOOK OUT next week!

Thus pointing out, Sean Payton is a master motivator. At least he’s a master booker for motivational speakers like Ronnie Lott. Wonder who he’ll book this week. I hear Tony Dungy's available.

Leading us to learn that, the last team to win "every game that they've cared to win" lost the Super Bowl.

Thus elucidating us upon the fact, the Saints have a better fan base than Indiananoplace.

Which is less revealing than, the underdog as per Vegas has won 50 percent of the time over the last two years.

Describing the penultimate note, the Saints possess a more balanced attack.

And finally, the Saints and their passing attack represent a threat to the rules that the Colts’ Jim Irsay helped put into law; you know, those that make touching illegal. What's a Super Bowl without a hint of ironic comeuppance?

So looking at all that we have in front of us, I’ve got the definitive LOCK of the century, made of pure carbonite, baby! With the majority of bettors hopping on the SS Manning, I’m gonna go marchin' in with the Saints and predict a surprising 35-27 victory, providing a Category 5 party to kickoff Mardi Gras. It’s this kind of against-the-grain thinking that allowed me, while others were losing tens of thousands in the recent bottoming out of the market, to actually lose hundreds of thousands in the recent bottoming out of the market.

But if the Saints win either 3-2 or win by over 90 points, I’ll make my money back. Fingers crossed.

Enjoy the game everyone!

Let’s take a step back to look at the NFL in this the lead-up to the Super Bowl.

In a league where job security is as improbable as Heidi Montag making it a week without plastic surgery, Tom Cable and Norv Turner both will return next year to once again lead their respective teams to early offseasons. Congratulations, fellas!

Now, I’d like to address one of my fans, someone calling himself “swyner,” who wrote to me after my previous piece, “Your an idiot … This guy Brett is a superstar and the Vikings are the best team in football.”

Don’t you hate it when the “best team in football” gets beaten by those lesser teams? And I appreciate your observation, “swyner,” but you didn’t tell me what, of mine, is an idiot. You left out a few words. Did you mean to say “Your financial advisor is an idiot?” “Your parolee neighbor is an idiot?” Using the possessive “your” necessitates a conclusion to the noun phrase you’re attempting. Hey, I’m always here to help my readers.

Now on to pressing matters – Did anyone think Brett was not going to throw the ball to the other team? It’s what he does. Strong arm, tough player, not a great decision-maker. When you see the sun come up day after day, you kinda come to expect it.

That said, we should look at this objectively; Brett Favre is a Hall-of-Famer. He makes plays other quarterbacks not in the Hall of Fame can’t or couldn't. (He also makes plays quarterbacks who are in the Hall of Fame didn’t or wouldn’t. And that’s why we’re even having this discussion.) He’s still one of the greatest of all-time and the prefix “Hall-of-Famer” will never be withdrawn from his name.

As much as I joked about revoking his status due to blowing Super Bowl berths (now twice), he doesn’t deserve that ... though he has exactly as many rings as Brad Johnson does.

On the flip side, I heard someone refer to Philip Rivers as a “future Hall-of-Famer” the other day. Now that commentator should have his credentials rescinded.

Brett told Chris Mortensen, by the way, that it’s “highly unlikely” he’ll return next season. Uh, yeah, is there anyone buying that one?
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We’re going to be deluged by “experts” making their game predictions this next week. Half (approximately) will say one thing, the other half will say another. So either way, a large percentage of them will be wrong. How about we stop calling them experts please?

If you went to a doctor, an expert in the medical profession, and he said you had a hernia; then you got a second opinion from a doctor that said you actually only had hiccups, you probably wouldn’t consider one of them an “expert” anymore.
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Around this time, people take a moment to reflect upon recent Super Bowls and that will inevitably bring up the belief by some that Bill Belichick’s teams didn’t deserve to win because he “cheated.”

I love how the legend of this grows every day. It’s to the point where the story is that Belichick himself was on the sidelines of the other team’s closed practice with a camera. I think he even asked Andy Reid to have the players run through a play a second time just so he could shoot it from another angle.

The man is a genius, after all. He was so smart that he showed his team all these video tapes (that he took himself) and told his team not to beat the opponents too badly so no one would suspect their illegalities.

And that’s why Brady and his Bunch won each contest by only three points, including two with last-minute field goals. That was all part of Belichick’s master stroke. With the footage he had, including one shot through the keyhole of Donovan McNabb’s hotel room as the quarterback admired himself in the mirror, the Patriots could’ve won by 80 points easily, but that would’ve tipped people off to foul play.
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I really don’t care who wins this year as I have no fish in the tank, so to speak, no spice in the soup, no gun in the locker room, no ... okay, you get the point. I just want to see a good, clean game. Last year’s contest, though exciting, was still marred by controversy.

After driving the length of the field, the Steelers left the Cardinals with very little time for Kurt Warner to do a little magic of his own. But that should not have meant the game was over.

Holmes, after making a great catch in the corner of the end zone, used the ball as a prop in an effort to celebrate. Excessive celebration, 15-yard penalty. (Another one of the rules that probably shouldn’t be a rule, but it is.) However, it wasn’t called. Whoa! Why make a rule if you’re not going to enforce it? That’s like saying, “Intentional grounding, but y’know what? We’re just gonna let it slide this once. First down and 10!”

It would’ve pushed the kickoff back 15 yards, presumably giving the Cardinals better field position with which to work.

Then, after a few plays, Warner fumbled the ball in what was clearly not a fumble. But since there was less than two minutes remaining, it was an automatic booth review. (I understood why they called it a fumble, so there would be something to review. If it wasn’t called a fumble, then there’d be nothing to review.) So let’s just go up to the --- huzzah what now? The Steelers are being given the ball?!

What part of automatic booth review do you not understand? Did the booth guys go home? Were they relieving themselves after four quarters of large Miller Genuine Drafts? Or were they just Steelers fans?

I’m not saying the Cardinals would’ve won, but with Kurt Warner and Larry Fitzgerald on their team, there’s no better finish I would’ve liked to see. And I’m still waiting for the league to pick up with that game. Perhaps they could play that last minute as the pre-game next Sunday.
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My early prediction for Super Bowl XLIV, before I've pored through the myriad statistics and listened to the experts, is for either the Saints or the Colts to prevail. Though I wouldn’t put it past Belichick to find a way to somehow steal the crown from both teams. He is, after all, a diabolical supergenius who must have something up his sleeve.