Wasif's World

My, oh, my! Didn't 2010 go faster than an Olympic luge course in Vancouver? I mean, it’s as if 2010 was “The Tonight Show” and we were Conan O’Brien. First off, I want to thank all of you who, upon my request to text me your most genteel holiday wishes, complied ... except for “Brett in Minnesota,” from whom I have revoked all future cell phone privileges for apparently misreading the word “genteel.”

Okay, before we get started, let’s get something straight right now –- I’m very confused about calling these the “2011 NFL Playoffs.” The season all took place during 2010, so wouldn’t they be the 2010 playoffs? Though the Saints won it all in 2010 (for the 2009 season) so that would make it confusing if you called these the 2010 playoffs and the Saints didn’t win.

At least in basketball and hockey, you’ll say the ’08-’09 season. That eliminates all confusion, but takes a while to say.

That said, you’ve read the “experts” and their predictions. They give you their best guesses as to what will happen during these forthcoming NFL playoffs, but none of them expand upon what could happen. So allow me to do that for you now:

WILD CARD ROUND:

New York Jets @ Indianapolis Colts

What Could Happen
Rex Ryan instructs his team to set up “the wall” against the other team’s gunner on kickoffs, but once his coaches put their feet out there, Ryan begins to fantasize about what they look like inside their shoes; wondering if there’s toe knuckle hair or how calloused they are or ... sorry, I got carried away. He loses focus on the game and without his guidance, Mark Sanchez gets called for a record 19 delay-of-game penalties in a row taking a first-and-goal situation from the Colts’ 1-yard line to a first-and-goal from their own 4-yard line. Sanchez finally gets the play from the sidelines, which is a pass, drops back, and is sandwiched by Dwight Freeney and Robert Mathis for a safety, the eventual margin of victory for the Colts.

What Will Happen
The only feet Ryan will be worried about is Peyton Manning who manages to stay on his all game long, leading his team to victory.

Baltimore @ Kansas City

What Could Happen
Ray Lewis gets so fired up before the game against Kansas City that his head explodes and the game is delayed 20 minutes while the grounds crew cleans it up.

What Will Happen
Ray Lewis and the Ravens defense manages to stifle the Kansas City offense. Meanwhile, on the other side of the ball, Joe Flacco has trouble getting things started thanks to the rabid Arrowhead fans. Special teams play powers Kansas City to a narrow upset. The Ravens are not so surprised when they are told after the game that the Chiefs are made up of many ex-Patriots. "Great, now I hate Kansas City too," mutters Terrell Suggs.

New Orleans @ Seattle

What Could Happen
The "12th Man," the Qwest Field advantage works for the Seahawks. It is so loud there that Drew Brees can’t function. He throws an uncharacteristic three picks and Seattle decisively upsets the defending Super Bowl champs.

What Will Happen
The "12th Man," the Qwest Field advantage works for the Seahawks. It is so loud that Drew Brees can only lead his offense to score 40 points against Seattle. Pete Carroll is so excited by this display of efficiency, he hugs Brees after the game.

Green Bay @ Philadelphia

What Could Happen
The game in Philadelphia will be postponed three days because of the threat of a snow flurry. In the interim, Aaron Rogers bumps his head on the night table next to his bed during a fitful dream about Brett Favre returning to Green Bay next year, thus sustaining a concussion.

Michael Vick, meanwhile, goes shopping for a dog at the local shelter. Attempting to pet a cute pekingese, it bites him because it knows of his reputation. Vick is hospitalized with rabies. Kevin Kolb and Matt Flynn lead their respective teams to an uninteresting Green Bay upset in front of only 2,500 fans because everyone was confused about when the game was actually going to be played, including Pennsylvania Governor Ed Rendell, who's justifiably pissed.

What Will Happen
Michael Vick, back in the playoffs for the first time since 2005, will do what he did with Atlanta and surprise the Green Bay Packers, a team expected by many to be playing in February. The Eagles win a close, low-scoring affair.

Result: New Orleans, Kansas City, Philadelphia, Indianapolis advance.

DIVISIONAL ROUND:

Indianapolis @ Pittsburgh

What Could Happen
Roethlisberger has déjà vu as he hands the ball off to his running back near the goal line and Mendenhall fumbles. It’s recovered by a Colts cornerback who rumbles down the field only to be tackled at midfield by Big Ben himself.

What Will Happen
The injuries to Manning’s Colts finally catch up with them and he is unable to pull this one out after James Harrison knocks four more Colts out of the game, including an equipment manager on the sideline, earning him $400,000 worth of fines.

Kansas City @ New England

What Could Happen
New England meets New England-West as the Chiefs come to town. Charlie Weis and Romeo Crennel get confused and spend the first half of the game on the Patriots sideline calling plays for Belichick who, being a genius, decides not to correct them. Matt Cassell just hands the ball off on every play during that half, and the Chiefs still gain a respectable 80 yards on the ground heading into the locker room, though the Patriots hold a 35-0 edge in points.

What Will Happen
Belichick usually doesn’t do very well against his former apprentices and this Chiefs squad is full of them. They know everything about “the Hoodie” right down to the flavored fiber supplement he takes in his apple juice the morning of the game. It’s a dog fight, but one that is eked out by the Patriots because the Chiefs find themselves in awe of Brady's flowing locks instead of worrying about Alge Crumpler's mowing blocks.

New Orleans @ Atlanta

What Could Happen
A New Orleans and Atlanta rematch proves to be everything it’s cracked up to be. Tempers flare as it did in the last game and Atlanta wins on the final drive as "Matty Ice" throws to Tony Gonzalez in the back of the end zone.

What Will Happen Hm, that’s pretty much what will happen.

Philadelphia @ Chicago

What Could Happen
Philly finds a defense that is slobbering for some fresh meat. Michael Vick provides them that opportunity. On the first play from scrimmage, Vick scrambles to avoid Julius Peppers and finds himself in the arms of Lance Briggs who holds him up long enough for Peppers to arrive. The two of them each pull an arm off Vick before Brian Urlacher, behind a full head of steam, bulldozes the quarterback, earning a 15-yard helmet to helmet penalty as he knocks Vick’s helmet off . . . with his head still inside. Appreciative Bears fans applaud when Vick walks off under his own power.

What Will Happen
This is a tough game to pick. Jay Cutler is a wild card. Both teams are used to the cold. Devin Hester and DeSean Jackson are both very dangerous. But in the end, defense will prove the word of the day and that means Chicago will triumph.

Result: New England, Pittsburgh, Chicago, and Atlanta advance. CHAMPIONSHIP ROUND

Pittsburgh @ New England

What Could Happen
Hines Ward is upset that he was knocked out of the last game against New England. James Harrison is upset that he didn’t knock anyone out on New England. Troy Polamalu is upset that his equipment manager left his Head & Shoulders back at Heinz Field and he’s forced to use a generic CVS brand shampoo. Charlie Batch is upset that he’s not starting this game as he feels he’s made a compelling argument by beating Tampa Bay in Week 3. Fueled by emotion, the Steelers return to yet another Super Bowl. What Will Happen
The Steelers rack up 150 yards running, but manage to give up 200, including a Tom Brady run for 22 yards on a third-and-twenty. Shayne Graham kicks the deciding field goal and the Patriots return to the Super Bowl on the heels of a three-point nail biter.

Chicago @ Atlanta

What Could Happen
Julius Peppers knocks Matt Ryan out of the game on a legal hit that he is flagged for. His backup, Chris Redman, manages impressively but Ryan, though unable to lift his throwing shoulder, defiantly and heroically returns to the game. Even knowing that all he can do is hand off, the Bears are somehow unable to stop Michael Turner who scores the final touchdown with under two minutes remaining and Jay Cutler throws his third interception of the game to seal the Bears’ fate.

What Will Happen
In a boring, low-scoring affair, Ryan’s two interceptions make him and his team just that much better than Cutler’s three interceptions and the Falcons earn a “dirty bird” dance back to the Super Bowl.

Result: New England and Atlanta advance. SUPER BOWL XLV

Atlanta and New England

What Could Happen
The Super Bowl is postponed two weeks as the league and the NFLPA finally come to an agreement about expanding the season to 18 games. They decide it should start immediately and every team is ordered to play two more games. After those games are over, the New England Patriots and the Atlanta Falcons will meet for Super Bowl XLV.

Parity in the NFL leads to the two No. 1 seeds facing off against each other, defying the norm. Atlanta starts off with an onside kick, that is recovered by a Falcon and it goes from there. The Falcons frequently drop 11 men into coverage and cause Brady to throw four picks. Miraculously, the game comes down to the final play with the Falcons up by two and the Patriots needing another miracle from their kicker. It’s Shayne Graham who is iced three times by the Falcons who have not yet used any of their time outs for just such an occasion.

Graham is ready, but the snap is muffed and Graham picks it up. He scrambles and manages to loft the ball up toward Deion Branch who alertly goes out for the pass. Branch catches it, but is stopped at the half-yard line surpassing the Titans-Rams Super Bowl as the closest finish ever.

What Will Happen
Ah, who are we kidding? This is the easiest game the Patriots face during the playoffs, if not all season and it’s a 45-3 snoozefest. Outraged by his team’s performance after the game, Arthur Blanks opens up the checkbook and signs free agent quarterback Michael Vick.

There you have it. The ifs, ands, buts, or whats of the 2011 (though an addendum to 2010) playoffs. Take this one to the bank! (While there, you might want to open a CD account. Rates are pretty good right now.)

Ho! Ho! Ho! (Do you always equate that phrase with Santa Claus or are you like me and follow those words placed adjacent to one another in quick succession with the phrase “Green Giant?” Just wondering.)

As the yuletide season descends upon us, complete with bowl blowouts, playoff pushes and foot fetishes, I’ve managed to get a sneak peek at Jolly Ol’ Saint Nick’s bag o’ gifts for those sports figures we know so well that have been nice, and for some who have been naughty. (Damn liberals always have to make sure no one’s left out.)

So now without any further ado, I present to you the 2010 Christmas list for members of the sports world:

To Randy Moss, a Bill Belichick blow-up doll for him to have on hand when he can’t get the real thing.

To Michael Vick, a Snoopy stuffed animal. (You gotta start slow, Michael. Start slow.)

To Barry Bonds, a little more free time before he’s thrown in jail on perjury charges.

To the New York Yankees, Derek Jeter at shortstop for another three years. I’m sure you’ll be very happy together. Hahahahahahahahaha!

To Rob Ryan, a giant Rex Ryan wig to cover Rex Ryan’s ego.

To Rex Ryan, a pedicure, so he can enjoy his own feet without so much attention being paid to his personal activities.

To Mark Sanchez, an offensive touchdown.

To LeBron, a trip to the Eastern Conference semifinals with your new team ... and another loss there, just like with your old team.

To Carmelo, a team on the East Coast. (Might I suggest Syracuse? You’d still have three years remaining, wouldn’t you?)

To the New York Knicks, a trip back to relevance, but still no championship.

To the New Jersey Nets, four future first-round draft picks that still won't get you Carmelo.

To Eli Manning, sliding lessons.

To Vince Young, a new coach, a new team and a new attitude.

To David Stern, the intelligence and guts to contract eight teams so that your sport will be enjoyable again for all cities again and not just the four cities that have a legitimate shot at winning a championship.

To Brett Favre, a rocking chair ... with arm and leg straps on it to keep him in it.

To the New Orleans Saints, the “S” placed back at the beginning of their name after decades of futility. (That one arrived early thanks to Air Favre’s shipping service.)

To Cam Newton, a better business manager than his father.

To Greg Oden, an NBA career ... maybe, someday.

To the Portland Trail Blazers -- another chance to pick Kevin Durant instead.

To Yao Ming, new legs.

To Allen Iverson, “The Answer” -- and that is ... retire.

To Cortland Finnegan, some humble pie.

To the Metrodome, a better balloon roof.

To Shaquille O’Neal, a.k.a. "Tip-In O’Neal" or "The Big Shamrock," a final ring with Boston, giving him as many as Kobe, and enshrinement in the Great Personalities of Sports Hall of Fame.

To Donovan McNabb, some respect and a starting job for a full season with a new team.

To Tom Brady ... nothing. You have everything already ... All right, you win. Another Super Bowl ring!

To TCU, a big hug. It’s a small consolation, but the best I could do.

To Peyton Manning, some personnel consistency, fer cryin’ out loud!

To “The T.Ocho Show,” a second season, this time in the jungles of Africa mixing “Survivor”-type excitement with you two talking for a half-hour.

To the UConn Lady Huskies, a loss already, it’s getting boring.

To Geno Auriemma, some updated stereotypes about women.

To Brian Wilson, anything you want. Quite frankly, you frighten Santa.

To Jerry Jones, a team in the Super Bowl! (In other words, one share of stock in the Atlanta Falcons.)

To Tiger Woods, just a little bit of the mojo you used to have.

To Coach John Wooden, a team in heaven.

Enjoy your presents, everyone! And may I wish all of you a very happy and healthy holiday season. Thanks for reading and see you in the 2011, for a full slate of major league baseball and ... well, with labor disagreement looming, that’s about it! Ho Ho Ho! Green Giant!

Trying to figure out my next blog to write, I looked at the calendar and realized that this week marks my one-year anniversary here at SportsFanLive. (No, please, I don’t want any gifts; your readership is enough. Besides, what would I do with a second horse’s head to go along with the one a Raiders fan sent me after one of my previous blogs?)

So much has happened in the world of sports over this time that I thought I’d take this opportunity, if you’ll indulge me, to recap the events I’ve blogged about during the past year. (If not, that’s fine too. Just reading to this point has allowed my computer virus enough time to access all your personal files and send them to me. So your readership and all your confidential information is enough.)

In order to remain consistent with engaging content, I’ve been fortunate enough to have a supportive leadership team at the website, a slew of fascinating stories to follow, but mainly, it’s been the fans who have been my rock, my Dwayne Johnson, if you will.

Yes, it is you, the reader, who have been so kind to me over the past year and I am so grateful. Your comments let me know you care. Rest assured, I read them all and please know that the comments about my mother and the female body parts that I resemble have been much appreciated. Sports and the opinions associated with it should never be treated flippantly and demand an overly critical eye toward the subjective.

I cherish our relationship. It’s because I feel so close to you that I’ve trusted you enough to bare my soul. (Or is it bear my soul? What does that even mean? Is that where Brian Urlacher tackles my celestial inner being?) For instance, I came out to you in this, the most public forum, in announcing my love for Peyton Manning, which screamed in opposition to my positive feelings for Bill Belichick. I didn’t care who knew it.

I relived a most painful experience of my being picked off second base by the hidden ball trick in what was actually a balk. So instead of third base, I was forced to sit on the pine, a most heinous crime perpetuated upon me by “the ill-informed.” Even now, it still makes me well up, but I felt comfortable enough to be vulnerable in front of you all.

I shared the tale of my day sitting amongst Raider Nation at San Diego’s Qualcomm Stadium. Instead of finding them dangerous as I had expected, I was surprised to learn that they’re nothing more than really very scary people who you don’t want to look in the eyes.

Yes, we’ve been through quite a 12-month period together, haven’t we? We’ve witnessed some incredible events like an entire tournament of curling, each time alternatively wondering why we were watching and making plans to take up curling with the goal of participating in the 2014 Winter Games in Russia; we watched the World Cup, longing for the excitement of curling; we watched a five-set tennis match that lasted longer than the Orioles season before being mathematically eliminated from playoff contention; we saw the best heavyweight battle we’ve seen in years in the McCourt v. McCourt fight (they’re talking sequel); and we saw a 28-out perfect game, which is most definitely once in a lifetime!

And we laughed together too. Remember when Mercury Morris tried to act relevant, like his 1972 Dolphins team’s 17 consecutive wins still meant something even though teams like the Patriots and Colts surpass it routinely? Or when the Philadelphia Phillies fan outran the guy with the Taser gun ... for a few seconds?

And then there was the time Mark McGwire told us he did steroids, as if it was a big reveal akin to the “Sixth Sense” or “The Usual Suspects.” Instead, it came off with all the suspense of an ESPN special to announce where Brian Scalabrine is going to end up playing next year.

This year was not without life lessons as well, like the fact that men entering Yankee Stadium are forced to check their bags across the street for $7, but then can literally climb into a woman’s purse or duffel bag and be smuggled into the park without even a suspicious glance.

We also learned that Big Papi doesn’t ask what’s in his “protein shakes” and Manny likes to get in touch with his feminine side with a cycle of drugs for women.

Oh, and we also learned that it was Derek Jeter that was leaking the names of those players on the infamous steroid user list. (Disclaimer: I’m the one that started that rumor.) (Disclaimer on the disclaimer: Or did I?)

But one giant lesson that we learned from Tiger Woods was that if you’re going to cheat, don’t text. Remember, texters never win and winners never text.

Though I can’t blame him for his mistake, for I’ve made mistakes too. For instance, I thought there was no way the Lakers and Celtics would’ve been able to “flip a switch” and start playing well through the playoffs after coasting through the end of the season. Well, like Arthur Fonzarelli, I am more than man enough to admit when I was wr--, when I was wrooo--, when I was wrrrrrrrrr--; well, nobody’s perfect.

And speaking of the Lakers, their fans were the focus of most of my attacks this year, but only because – well, they’re still around. I must apologize. I had originally planned for them to get all of my attacks. I promise that I will do better next year.

To all of you who’ve enjoyed a year of blogs, thanks for reading. And to you Lakers fans out there, thanks for finding someone to read this to you, explaining all the big words.

(See, never let it be said that I don’t keep a promise.)

Now is the time to predict who will win the Super Bowl. After weighing all the facts, poring over statistics, summoning forth the ghosts of Super Bowls past, listening to all the "experts" spout jibber jabber, and consulting with my Magic-8 ball, I’m finally ready to use all this information to corrupt whichever case I want to build.

Let’s first look at the case for the Colts. They will win. It’s obvious that they will win. First of all, they have Peyton Manning. He has never lost a Super Bowl.

Secondly, the team labeled the favorite by Vegas has won every year for the past one year.

Thirdly, these 2009 Colts have won every game that they’ve cared to win. They have the better defense and they don’t give teams a chance to capitalize on their mistakes ... cuz they don’t make enough.

Fourthly, they’ve proven to be the road block that precipitates an undeserving team’s demise. The Jets should not have beaten the Bengals (thank you, Shayne Graham). The Jets should not have beaten the San Diego Chargers (thank you, Nate Kaeding ... and somehow Norv Turner, because he always finds a way to lose). The Colts aren’t going to let teams that won because of bad play on the part of their opponents during the previous games beat them. Do you hear that, New Orleans?

Fifthly, the Colts put 30 points on the board against the No. 1 defense in the league. And then their defense only gave up 17 points to the high-flying New York Jets. (Wait ... 17 points to the Jets? Really? Okay, so maybe that’s a plus for the Saints.)

Sixthly, they’re playing in Miami again, site of their most recent Super Bowl victory, so they’re used the whole vibe there.

Seventhly, first-time teams don’t win Super Bowls (except the Rams ... and the Ravens ... er, and the Bucs.)

Eightly, Archie Manning didn’t raise his boys to lose ... save for Cooper.

Ninthly, Peyton is driven to win. (Unlike those other mere punch-the-clock signal callers who don’t care as long as the check clears.)

And tenthly, the Colts can come from behind.

Ten very sharp points giving definitive cause to bet the farm on Indianapolis (though the farm is usually located just outside Indy's city limits). So that's what Vegas would have you believe.

There's also very keen evidence to reveal a clear Saints victory. It makes it very obvious that they'll win. How shall they beat thee; let us count the ways:

One) The Saints are a bend-but-don’t-break defense. They gave up almost 500 yards of offense to the Minnesota Vikings, but caused enough turnovers to win the game. All part of their plan.

Dos) The last team that Brett Favre handed a Championship Game to went on to win the Super Bowl.

C) The Colts can’t be expected to succeed more than Brett Favre’s potent passing performance. So the Saints have handled the worst.

IV) Dwight Freeney is hurt. A speed rusher with a bum ankle? Advantage: Saints.

Next, the Saints are also a comeback team.

After that, the Saints are playing for their city. (Okay, that’s a dumb one.)

To be followed by, Reggie Bush plays well every other game. He took the Minnesota game off so LOOK OUT next week!

Thus pointing out, Sean Payton is a master motivator. At least he’s a master booker for motivational speakers like Ronnie Lott. Wonder who he’ll book this week. I hear Tony Dungy's available.

Leading us to learn that, the last team to win "every game that they've cared to win" lost the Super Bowl.

Thus elucidating us upon the fact, the Saints have a better fan base than Indiananoplace.

Which is less revealing than, the underdog as per Vegas has won 50 percent of the time over the last two years.

Describing the penultimate note, the Saints possess a more balanced attack.

And finally, the Saints and their passing attack represent a threat to the rules that the Colts’ Jim Irsay helped put into law; you know, those that make touching illegal. What's a Super Bowl without a hint of ironic comeuppance?

So looking at all that we have in front of us, I’ve got the definitive LOCK of the century, made of pure carbonite, baby! With the majority of bettors hopping on the SS Manning, I’m gonna go marchin' in with the Saints and predict a surprising 35-27 victory, providing a Category 5 party to kickoff Mardi Gras. It’s this kind of against-the-grain thinking that allowed me, while others were losing tens of thousands in the recent bottoming out of the market, to actually lose hundreds of thousands in the recent bottoming out of the market.

But if the Saints win either 3-2 or win by over 90 points, I’ll make my money back. Fingers crossed.

Enjoy the game everyone!

It's blasphemous, I know. I will be looked upon with shame; probably ostracized, never to be regarded with respect again. But I don't care! I'm busting at the seams here and I can't hold it in any longer. I'm coming out of the locker room here, publicly, in front of all of you. I love Peyton Manning!

I'm a Patriots fan. I have been ever since I started being one. So that's why this is a forbidden love that should never be uttered in these circles.

It represents a great leap for me. You see, throughout my young childhood and subsequent adult childhood, I've always hated the enemy.

For instance, Magic Johnson was public enemy No. 1 when I was growing up. It got to the point where I would deny any truth to his greatness. "Did you see the half-court fadeaway off the in-bounds Magic hit yesterday at the buzzer?"

"Yeah, I did. It was luck."

He did it every time, though. Yet it was always luck in my eyes. It took his retirement from the game to realize how great he truly was.

Patrick Roy was a thoroughly overrated goalie. At least, he was when he played, but after he left the ice, he was one of the best of all-time.

Derek Jeter is a selfish player that is only propped up by the media. However, I'm sure that when he retires, I'll ... no, I pretty much am gonna undercut any of his accomplishments until the day I die. That guy's gotta be taking some sort of illegal supplement.

But Peyton ... oh, Peyton! I may be married to Tom Brady, but I'm gonna go Tiger Woods with Peyton Manning.

How can you not like him? He's one of the best quarterbacks ever to lace 'em up on the football field, and a self-deprecating pitchman with brilliant comic timing off it.

Tell me you didn't bust a gut laughing at his "Saturday Night Live" performance when he said, "I'm gonna go home, bake some snickerdoodles, and make out with my French-kissing puppet."

I'll admit it trumped Tom Brady's Kermit the Frog impression, or his delivery of the line "No funnel cake! ... Bear!"

Now some is a factor of the show's writing. Tom appeared on the show when the new cast was just beginning to gel; Peyton, as they were hitting their stride.

Do I believe TB could have nailed the scripts Peyton was given? Without a doubt. He was great on "Entourage," so there's no reason to believe otherwise. But Tom's more the heartthrob and model than Peyton is. The middle Manning is more the straight actor/comedian/performer, not to mention Hall of Fame-bound team leader.

I'll be shocked if offers don't pour in from networks with acting gigs once Peyton's done on the field. And I'm not talking Michael Strahan's weak starring- vehicle.

I envision something with a logline like, "The perfect quarterback who can't do anything wrong, retires to find, in life after football, he can't do anything right." And hilarity will ensue! I'll watch . . . even if it's on the CW.

I'm rooting for Peyton. I wanted his team to go 19-0 and surpass the record set by my man Tom. I want Peyton to get injured next year so that he can get a "Comeback Player of the Year" nod like Tom has. (But nothing too crippling. Maybe just a chronic hang nail or something.)

Tom sets the bar and Peyton matches the jump. It's great to see. Like Larry and Magic. And I'm glad I can finally appreciate something like this while it's happening.

I believe in Prop. 18! A fan should have the right to love whoever he wants, regardless of team jersey! I just hope my fellow Pats fans don't block passage of this law.

It’s the 50th anniversary of the American Football League and for it, the league has been parading out throwback uniforms of its original teams. Just when you thought you’d seen it all, you find colors you thought should never have been made public.

And we have certainly seen a lot in the past 50 years. That includes one stretch of consecutive games won in one season that remains unsurpassed ... unless you include that streak that did surpass it.

Ah, here we go again: The NFL season extends into its winter months, and we start hearing about how no one has equaled the record of the Miami Dolphins 1972 “perfect” season. (You have to put “perfect” in quotes because an asterisk is too discriminatory. And their accomplishment still deserves praise, just with a dose of clarification.)

For you see, their fabric of greatness, of invincibility, has a tear in it. Records were made to be broken and the etiquette of such a process features the “passing of the torch,” so to speak from the holder to the breaker. Like when Roger Maris’ family was on hand as Mark McGwire was about to break their patriarch’s record. (Boy, I bet they wish they had that weekend back.) This is common practice.

But the 1972 Dolphins, once equated with the gold standard of excellence and perfection, are now synonymous with spiteful men uncomplimentary of the talented young upstarts moving into their metaphorical neighborhood, desperately trying to cling to glory, reluctant to acknowledge they’ve become obsolete. Like the father who is reduced to cheating in an effort to continue beating his son in chess once the boy learns the deadly art of en passant.

Yes, what the Dolphins did was impressive. And for many years, it stood untouched. Every year, they would toast themselves when the last undefeated team suffered a loss.

For those of you unfamiliar with their achievements – and that may very well be anyone under 40 – they won 17 games in a row, in one season, without a loss. Seventeen games! Fourteen regular-season games and three in the playoffs. That’s pretty impressive. At least, it was before other teams started doing it. (I am adding the Colts to the list because I’m confident they will become the second team to go 16-0 during the regular season since they’re facing the Jets and Bills to end the season.)

But the goal posts have been moved. The NFL season was shorter then than it is now. And yet, we continue to hear the media make mention of this team that has done what no other team has done, except that what these other teams have done is, in fact, more impressive than what the Dolphins have done.

It’s the equivalent of Paul Hines, organized baseball’s first Triple Crown winner, snubbing Ted Williams because Teddy Ballgame didn’t win the award during the Dead Ball Era. Hines was dominant in 1878, smashing four home runs – Yes, FOUR! – and a whopping 50 RBIs, while batting .358. Now that’s a Triple Crown winner!

And, of course, the 2007 New England Patriots most famously won 16 games in a season, then continued to win another two before finally meeting the loss column. Eighteen games in a row! That's one more than the Dolphins, mind you.

Yet instead of talking about the Pats not winning their 19th game, we should be wondering if the Dolphins could win 18 or 19. We’ll never know because outside of former Fins running back Mercury Morris’ mouth, they don’t have the speed to keep up with this decade's Colts.

Yes, in 1972, they won 17 in a row. And that 17th game was the Super Bowl. The Patriots also, in 2007, won their 17th game in a row. It just wasn’t the Super Bowl. And they continued to win. Seventeen. Eighteen. It wasn’t until No. 19 that they lost. And that’s less impressive than the Dolphins?!

The argument here, by the few supporters of the Dolphins' fading cause, is that the Pats didn’t win the Super Bowl that year. It’s a matter of semantics.

And if that's their point, then I present to you the 1985 Bears won more games overall and demolished anyone in their path, save for the Dolphins in Week 12.

Similarly, the previous year's Niners in 1984 lost only in Week 7. Both of them went on to win the Super Bowl with 18 total wins, one more than the Dolphins. They were not perfect, but they won more games than did Miami.

The Pats don’t have a ring from their perfect regular-season campaign, but they have three others from less “successful” runs.

I don’t know about you, but I’d rather have 18 than 17.

The 1972 Dolphins at one point showed dignity and class, as any Don Shula coached team would. They were revered by the media who relished the opportunity to look to them when speaking of perfection. But now they’ve become an inside joke, the punch line on many a media outlet. “We’re going to talk to the ’72 Dolphins, who hold the fifth-longest streak in the NFL for consecutive games won, about what it’s like to be dominant.”

Could the Dolphins have won an 18th and 19th game? Well, as we’ve seen, it’s pretty tough to do, so conventional wisdom would suggest no, but it’s entirely speculative.

And if the Colts lose in the playoffs, would they be labeled worse than the Dolphins after winning more regular-season games in a row than any other team ever and more in the same season than anyone but the Patriots before them?

I am undefeated in my Fantasy Football career. A 1.000 winning percentage. Sure, I’ve played only once, but I’m not bragging about it every minute ... except for here.

It’s time to move on. The Dolphins didn’t lose a game during their 17-game season. Nor did the Patriots. Nor will the Colts. And the Bears and Niners won more games total than the Dolphins.

Does Mercury Morris still want to toast his standing as the fifth-best team of all-time? What’s the drink of choice there? Seagram’s wine cooler? How about a bottle of Charles Shaw wine, a.k.a. “Two Buck Chuck?” Or just swig a bottle of tequila to make the hurt go away. You’ve been surpassed. Be gracious and quit bogarting the torch. Pass the dutchie. The wonder ball goes round and round … It’s time to acknowledge there’s a new gold standard in the league, and it ain’t the gold of the Broncos throwback uniforms. Yeech!

As I gorged myself with autumn gourds and gauged my eyes out at the egregious World Series memorabilia adorning my brother-in-law at the Thanksgiving dinner table (I mean, is it really necessary to hang NY Yankees tree ornaments from your glasses?), I focused not on the irreputable, impolite, improper mouth with legs that sat at the head of the table, but rather on that which I am most thankful in the world of sports.

I am most thankful for:

Second chances, without which Michael Vick would not be able to be irrelevant in football again.

Baseball's arbitration rules, which allow players that perform well-below their previous averages to still merit a pay raise.

Teams that award long-term, guaranteed deals to coaches and then fire them with six years left.

O.J. Simpson, for finding a nice white supremicist cellmate with whom he can have some stimulating conversations.

Sammy Sosa, for keeping himself the topic of conversation.

Rush Limbaugh, for giving me a good laugh in thinking he was going to be allowed to buy a team with a majority of African Americans.

Pacman Jones, for stimulating the economy with lots and lots of singles.

The potential for outdoor playoff baseball in Minnesota!

The New York Knicks, for putting their future on hold for LeBron, who probably won't sign with them.

Tim McCarver, for frequently guessing the upcoming pitch wrong, but continuing to try.

Athletes who forget that Tweets can be viewed by the public.

Serena Williams, for invoking the spirit of McEnroe.

The "Wildcat" offense in Miami, for scaring opponents enough to almost beat them.

The NCAA tournement, for adding a 65th team that will be eliminated the night after the play-in game.

Bud Selig, for allowing baseball players a day of rest between playoff games. (All that sitting in the dugout had been wearing them out.)

Michael Jordan, for being such a humble superstar.

Yankees Fans -- love 'em or hate 'em, but more often than not, hate 'em.

Peyton Manning, for his commercials. (I can't stay mad at you, Peyton.)

The "experts," for maintaining sub-.500 prognostication records.

Tom Cable, for thinking he's the luckiest man on earth to have avoided all charges levied against him, then remembering he's on the Raiders.

Bill Belichick, for always keeping it interesting.

Tony Romo, for consistently fooling his supporters into believing that he's actually not going to choke when it counts most.

And, most of all, I'm thankful for the wealth of entertainment that goes on in the world of sports. Enjoy the holiday season, everybody!