Olsen Death Is Reminder NFL Needs To Take Care Of Its Own

  • Saturday, March 13, 2010 3:42 PM
  • Written By: Harry Parmenter

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I Feel Like A Wog
People Give Me The Eyes
But I Was Born Here
Just Like You You You You
Don't Call Me
Don't Call Me
Your Golliwog

Yes, I'm off to Blighty for a week of RNR as in Rock N Roll, Oxford/Cambridge/London for the last three nights of UK Tour of the greatest band ever to plug in, The Stranglers.

The Stranglers are The New York Willis Reed/Bill Bradley/Dave DeBusschere/Dick Barnett/Clyde Frazier/Red Holzman Knicks of rock n roll.

Their first record, Rattus Norvegicus, circa 1977 made me put away AeroKiss as I awakened to a greater truth in music.

I was there at the fabled Rat Club in Boston when they landed on American shores, just like Paul O'Neill sweeping into right field for the Bombers.

England is a curious sports country. I was wondering today if they have even heard of baseball and basketball. The answer is NO.

It's all about soccer and cricket in the UK.

And we Americans have no clue about either of those endeavors, particularly cricket (Cricket? Crickets!).

Nonetheless I am looking forward to a journey to Blighty, despite the fact no one will be mourning the loss of Merlin Olsen.

What a D-line that was. The LA Rams of Roman Gabriel never won it all but they were a blast to watch, and Olsen was a big part of that, along with Deacon Jones.

They're all dying off now. Football players die early for a good reason. They played the most intensive, brutal sport since the Gladiator days of Rome, and the beatings take a toll.

I doubt any cricket players die early. And that's not a knock, no pun intended.

The fact is American football is a collision-course sport and those who participate reduce their living odds by a major deuce.

To hear Willie Wood is a wreck pains me and all other lifetime NFL fans. Yes, these cats made their choices, but the league needs to take care of their own no matter the cost. These guys put their lives on the line for the adrenaline rush and the fans who keep growing by leaps and bounds.

Bottom line:

Don't Call Me
Don't Call Me
Don't Call Me
Your Golliwog

I'll see you in the sewer ...

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Dad Was No Athlete But Still The Ultimate Sports Role Model

  • Thursday, March 4, 2010 10:44 PM
  • Written By: Harry Parmenter

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My father is 88 and has been in failing health for some time. Saturday night I got a call and knew instinctively I needed to go to him with the end near.

I arrived Sunday morning along with other family members to find him still somewhat alert and responsive to our love and my bad jokes, which he received with a wan grin, raised eyebrows or both.

He fell into a coma that night and as I write this he is still hanging on although time is almost out, and there will be no overtime in this contest.

My Dad never had the sports gene. He went to Ohio State University, the youngest of ten children from a Depression-era clan in a small town not far away. He put himself through college, met my mother and had three kids with her, two boys, one girl. He served in WWII and is one of the many great veterans who allow us to live in this great country, free to pursue our dreams.

He toiled tirelessly his entire life, an old-fashioned Provider. He worked in the airline business and moved around a lot: Denver, Boston, New York, Pittsburgh. At one point he commuted from Boston to Pittsburgh every week. Talk about a hassle.

My brother and I were, and are, athletes. Mark is a tennis pro and I still play hoop with guys a third my age whom I can take to the rack on a good day -- or night. Our father busted his butt working day after day, week after week, year after year. He didn't make it to all our sporting events, but when he did we darn well knew he was there, and we took pride in doing our best, looking for him in the stands, doing him proud.

My brother and I fought over the sports page for as long as I can remember. We grew up Yankee fans on Long Island, because baseball was all that mattered then, in the 1960s; everything else came later.

He took my brother to the 1964 Yankees-St. Louis Cardinals World Series. He took me to a regular-season game a year later and I will never forget his ire when Joe Pepitone refused to give us an autograph as we begged from five feet away. Never trust an athlete who will mainly be remembered for his hair dryer.

He took us to spring training one year in Tampa ... for some reason we all found hilarity in the name of the local paper, The Tampa Times. Our first exposure to alliteration, apparently.

I will never forget getting Bob Gibson's autograph, his bullethead haircut sweating in the Southern heat, the best starting pitcher I have ever seen.

My Dad also had been to an Indians-Yankees game when he was young, and he and his brother not only caught a home run ball hit by Lou Gehrig, but somehow got it signed at a hotel that night. The ball has vanished into the twilight along with his memory, but it's the thought that counts, as we say.

And to me he WAS the real Lou Gehrig; working a nonstop life, thousands of days, weeks and hours, enabling we three to be educated, grow up with a sense of old-fashioned family values and always, always, being a sound marital unit with our beloved mother as we grew up into adults with our own spouses and children.

This is a sports column and I beg any readers' forgiveness in taking time for a personal essay, but the fact is, like most of us, I learned more about winning, losing and a sense of fair play from my father than any ballgame I ever watched.

I never saw him hit a baseball or sink a free throw. I never saw him play golf or knock a guy off his block on the gridiron. I got enough of that from TV, the sports page and the swirling world of athleticism that continues to envelop my life.

But he taught me what really matters is what's inside, what you bring to the table -- literally and figuratively -- and what it means to grow from a boy into a man.

Godspeed, Dad. Rest in peace. I'll see you on the other side ...

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Statement Time For Cleveland Cavaliers

  • Friday, February 26, 2010 2:23 PM
  • Written By: Harry Parmenter

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Well it's still February and a long way till the playoffs, but Celtics' fans are in a state of shock.

Even sans Paul Pierce, Thursday night was a beatdown of significant proportion by the Cavaliers. Mike Brown wishes the playoffs started now because it would be down to Cleveland v. Orlando unless Atlanta makes it interesting.

Boston is in major trouble. Not even the news that Steven Tyler has predictably rejoined Aerosmith is enough to make Beantown smile.

Cleveland just looks scary. This game was magnified by one simple play in the first half when LeBron took KG one on one from the left wing, flashed step-back footwork and drained a 22-footer. This man cannot be stopped by anyone in the league, including Ron Artest, who will draw the short straw willingly in June.

And thanks to the awful NBA non-rule, Z will soon rejoin Cleveland to spell Shaq down the stretch, and O'Neal looks reborn since the All-Star break. Antawn Jamison will take time to fit in, JJ Hickson must still get his minutes and will, and despite the fact his weird curly helmet continues to annoy me Anderson Varejao is Rodman Jr. for this team, and that's not even talking about the capable backcourt of Williams, Parker and West, with Gibson in reserve.

They're on a mission to Staples, and David Stern and Co. must be licking their chops at an all-time ratings series final a la the Super Bowl. It won't be 106M but it will be good enough no matter who prevails cuz it'll surely go six or seven.

Cleveland was superb a week ago, and the acquisition of Jamison just makes them better. The Cavs will win the East handily unless LBJ goes down.

Meanwhile in the West the Lakers remain the team to beat. Despite losing to Dallas on the back to back, they came close to a sweep and beating them four times will prove impossible for anyone in the West, and difficult for the Cavs as well.

San Antonio is dead meat unless it discovers the fountain of youth by May, and it sure ain't Richard Jefferson. OK City will spring a first-round upset if not more, Portland is trouble but it will all be fodder when LA asserts itself and wallops whomever is in its way.

When the smoke clears, it will be a headline battle of massive proportion: Kobe v. LeBron, no puppets involved. Both supporting casts are equally matched, and in a way the X factor could prove to be Shaq, who, if he can one-up Bynum, could make the difference. But then again, who guards Gasol?

The pendulum has swung west for the majority, as we will all join in the hue and cry when at least three better than .500 West teams don't make the post while a bunch of East losers (Heat, etc.) get in under the wire. We have reached the tipping point where the teams with the 16 best records should make it in because a team like Utah could give Atlanta or even Boston all they could handle in round one.

As a pathetic Detroit fan rooting for them to win the lottery by losing every game the rest of the way (good job, Rip, missing three free throws in a row at crunch time the other night v. the Paper Clips, showing why Orlando did not deal Gortat for you at trade deadline) I continue to shake my head at Joe Dumars' failure to draft DeJuan Blair, who would have had better stats than the combined frontline of Wallace, Prince and Jerebko if only Detroit didn't have brain-dead scouts and GM.

Austin Daye? Yeah, that was a great pick, Joe. Tom Wilson's exit and Mrs. Davidson's move to sell the team is a year late but still a good move. And watching the great GREAT Chauncey Billups night in and night out (wasn't he magnificent in Cleveland last week?) makes me ask again and again why Dumars thought dealing him for Allen (Who?) Iverson was a good idea.

Oh boy you got Ben Gordon and Charlie Villanueva with the money! Genius -- not. CV is a twit, Gordon is a perennial no-D bench player and Vinnie Johnson is shaking his head somewhere.

But who cares about the Pistons beside me>

Cleveland has the right mindset: California Here We Come. Look out.

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Who Are We To Cast Stones At Tiger?

  • Friday, February 19, 2010 9:50 AM
  • Written By: Harry Parmenter

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That was great.

Sincere, direct, believable.

The man has sinned, but he came clean. Forgive him.

The best part to me was the emphasis on the fact these are issues between him and his wife, NOT the rest of the world. And she must be some woman, to stand by him through this.

And if she can, who are we to cast stones at him? He was earnest, looked straight into the camera and powerfully honest.

Yes, cynics can say he'd still be at it if he hadn't been caught (like a virtual ton of pro athletes past and present as we all surmise). But he did, and he knows he screwed up, and as a forgiving nation of people, we should accept his mea culpa.

I DO wonder why the camera angle changed on both Golf Channel and CNN, and I assume everywhere on pool camera from straight on to angle showing his mother and friends -- but not Elin -- because his straight-to-the-camera approach rang clearest to me.

Leave him alone, TMZ and your ilk. He's got his problems and so do we. He's rich and famous and a fallen idol, but he'll be back, and I, for one, am behind him 100 percent.

Oh, and nice blue curtain exit at the end ...

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Don't Bug Me With The Olympics, I'm Gearing Up For NBA Playoffs

  • Wednesday, February 17, 2010 7:03 PM
  • Written By: Harry Parmenter

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Do you wanna marry ... a lumberjack?

I didn't think so. Kinda like watching the Winter Olympics. Pass.

Bad enough the Games start with a horrible death in the most exciting event offered -- and not to belittle in the least the poor man and his loving family because my heart goes out to them -- but it just puts a damper on the whole event. And yes, what a horrible bastard I am demeaning the efforts of all the global athletes who have given their hearts and souls for years in search of gold.

More power to them.

I'll take the jingoistic tactic and stick to our dumbass American wheelhouse: hoop, football and baseball. Isn't it about time for pitchers and catchers to report?!

Makes me wonder if Gaylord Perry always got to camp on time, getting that spitter in gear in the crackling Florida February air, and Satchel Paige too ... I don't think so.

So Marcus Camby gets moved by the Clippers for a couple of journeyman and 3M bucks. Donald Sterling, true to form, dumps the third leading rebounder in the NBA for next to nothing, meaning if Brandon Roy gets healthy, Portland makes a run in the West and might even make it to the WCF depending on the draw. Go Blazers!

What is it with MC anyway? Among the most traded players in league history yet by all outward appearances a good citizen, good teammate and hard-working baller who does what it takes to win and then some; best of luck to him in the cozy confines of The Rose Garden. Camby is the perfect guy for Portland; an expert rebounder who knows how to play the glass, which will come in handy when Rudy Fernandez starts heaving 3s. Rudy is a budding star, a deadeye legend in his own mind, and MC will only make him better because there's no better longshot bet than a gunner who misses a heave then gets it back in the same spot for a deuce. For that to happen, of course, it takes a village ... and a rebounder.

I love this game.

Most interesting note about the Dallas All-Star game was three studs clearly telling their coach they needed a blow: KG, Paul Pierce and Tim Duncan. Minimal minutes played. Holding it for the playoffs. Prudent move, gents.

As noted previously in this space, Boston is saving it all for spring, as well they should. They're likely headed for a No. 3 seed and a first-round test v. Larry Brown's Bobcats, who will be a tough out. Boston can only be glad it won't draw Atlanta, who owns the Celtics, in the first round. Stephen Jackson, Gerald Wallace, the rejuvenated and underrated Nazr Mohammed (another doofus Dumars deal) will prove an obstacle in round one, particularly for Boston. If Orlando and Cleveland finish two-one, they will wipe the mat with Miami and Chicago/Milwaukee whomever in the first round while Boston expends so much energy beating Charlotte by the time it gets to Orlando, the Celtics could be chump bait.

Of course, the theory is Boston got Sheed to clamp down Superman but good luck with that. I still won't count Boston out but, barring injury or a major deal tomorrow, the Celtic get flattened by Orlando who then give LBJ and the Cavs all they can handle, with or without Stoudmire, Jamison or Troy Murphy.

Still, Cleveland will win the East because it is their time and, spare me the West deets, LA will be there at the end.

But I repeat myself.

The 82-game NBA slog takes forever, somehow seeming longer than the 162 MLB year, because baseball has its slow, inexorable axis turning season unlike basketball, which is such a speed-freak game due in no small part to the fact our nightly highlight diet consists of high-flying threes and slamaroonies.

Baseball moves at its own speed while hoop fans are poised for the post from day one. But you gotta pay the rent if you're an NBA owner, so there.

Frankly, I can't wait for baseball because the opening season Yankees-Red Sox series will offer more cumulative drama than every NBA game in March combined. But when the playoffs start, ah, suddenly every possession will be War.

I can't wait for any number of reasons:

Chauncey Billups and Denver, the tattooed love boys of Colorado, who will push every opponent to the limit; San Antonio making one last Alamo stand, McDyess, Jefferson and Blair rising up alongside the aging but still killer in a short series nucleus of Duncan/Parker/Ginobili; eighth seed Houston-Portland-New Orleans or Memphis throwing a scare into LA while everyone bitches that all aforementioned above .500 squads should make it in while the pathetic Eastern back-of-the-bus teams make it in with lousy records; Rondo putting Boston on his Kentucky back and taking those old legs as far as they can go; Vince Carter on the spot with his career on the line, knowing he'll be tabbed as nothing less than a perennial failure if Orlando doesn't make it back to the Finals; and Cleveland, the current pick to Go All The Way, with the incumbent pressure to satiate their leader LeBron into staying with only a title fitting the bill...bring it on already.

LeBron's Cavs On The Brink ... Of A Title

  • Tuesday, February 16, 2010 10:57 AM
  • Written By: Harry Parmenter

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Man, the midseason trade deadline is as much fun as the draft (I mean, what's better than watching a bunch of young brothers bedecked in bling, dumbass baseball caps and waxing eloquent about their love for their new hometown that most of them have no geographical idea what hell awaits them from the weatherman). And if 90 percent of it doesn't happen who cares; it's damn fun to speculate.

The best thing about this year's trade deadline is that it all swirls around the regular season's best team thus far: Cleveland.

It's A Long Way To The Top as the immortal Bon Scott sang, and the Lakers are not only the reigning champs but still the team to beat. Still, the Cavaliers have the best record at the break, swept the home and home v. LA, for what that's worth (not much), own fading Boston and have only the youthful i.e. formidable Magic to hurdle in May to earn a Finals faceoff with Kobe and Co., David Stern's wet ratings dream since a new long-term labor deal is out of the question.

Not to say Boston is dead. Yeah they're old, yeah KG is still recovering from major knee surgery, yeah Rasheed Wallace is on the wrong side of his career, but don't count them out just yet. I find it odd that Ray "He Got Game" Allen is on the block, simply one of the greatest field and foul shooters ever to lace up, because how do they expect to trade up for this Hall of Famer?

Let us not forget last spring's playoffs. Boston, minus KG, Wallace and Marquis Daniels, beat an inspired young Bulls team in an epic seven-game series before falling to Orlando. Rajon Rondo is the most underrated player in the league, Paul Pierce will be ready at crunch time, Garnett and Wallace still have a run in them, Kendrick Perkins and Glen Davis get better every day (everybody remember Big Baby's 17-foot drain v. Orlando in the clutch on the road at the buzzer in the ECF last year? He'll be back), and this storied franchise will not go quietly. Doc Rivers is an excellent coach and the specter of Red Auerbach will always spur this team, so don't count them out until the stake goes through their heart.

Orlando, the only team in league history to deal an NBA Finals backcourt less than a month afterward, still has weapons. Howard is coming along nicely thanks to Patrick Ewing's tutelage, the jump hook, the finger roll slowly becoming part of his arsenal. If he develops Hakeem footwork, look out. But not this year.

And the jury won't be in until May on Vince Carter. Swapping Hedo T for VC was a gamble, and despite his occasional 48 blitzkreig he's got a lot to prove, as Peter Post Vecsey recently noted, and he's the Godfather of NBA scribes so pay heed.

My fave Magic man is Marcin Gortat, whom Detroit should go dangle Rip H, Tayshaun Prince and the ghost of Bill Davidson for if they can pull it off. Unlikely, sadly, for my Pistons; they suck and Joe Dumars' draft gaffes now include missing Melo, D-Wade and DeJuan Blair, my vote for Rookie of the Year. HTF could so many GMs miss the boat on this guy? He is Wes Unseld Jr. reincarnate. Nice work, Joe.

Anyhoo, back to the tradewinds.

If Cleveland is able to part with JJ Hickson and Z for Amar'e S, Vegas will tilt heavily in their favor and for good reason. How ironic would it be to see Shaq and Stoudemire reunited in The Mistake By The Lake, when they couldn't play together in hot 'n' nasty AZ.

The difference, of course, is and will be LBJ. Christ, he goes one-on-five nearly each night with one W after another, but if he's able to pick up either Stoudemire or Antawn Jamison on flank, look out. Allegedly King James prefers the latter but either way he can't lose. And as icing Z clears waivers a month later due to the McDyess rule (which is completely stupid/unfair/pick your adjective but that's another story).

If Danny Ferry gets AJ or AS watch out: We could be looking at the best NBA Final since Pistons-Spurs a few years back.

Kobe did the right thing by resting his bruised body before and including the break, only to see his team respond by going on a roll that made a statement to their leader not to mention the rest of the league. With him and a spread offense they are dynamite, to overstate the obvious. Without him they probably still win the West.

San Antonio is done, Portland still too young and that leaves a very good Denver team in The Zen Master's way.

Getting ahead of myself here; let's see where the bodies fall. Any way you slice it the NBA playoffs should be as good as the NFL's, which would be very helpful since we're all in football withdrawal.

Hell, New Orleans is still so buzzed it hasn't noticed Chris Paul is MIA. And who can blame them.

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Lakers Make Statement Minus Kobe

  • Sunday, February 7, 2010 10:39 AM
  • Written By: Harry Parmenter

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The mistake most sports writers make is postulating that the game is purely based on physical superiority.

On an everyday/everyweek basis this is true. And this is what Vegas and gamblers everywhere bet. But sports, like life, is a complex business. The best team does not always win. We shall see what happens in Miami with the herd expecting Indy to win handily. In that case I happen to agree, Colts 34 Saints 14.

But as we saw Saturday in Portland sports is a mind game.

The Lakers went into the Rose Garden having lost nine straight there and coming off a home defeat to Chauncey Billups and the Nuggets, who shot around sixty percent from the field AND beyond the stripe, a rarity in league play. Nobody could have beaten Denver last night. The Nets, Knicks, Clippers or Pistons (has there ever been an NBA season with more bad teams?) by fifty.

So what happens the next night?

Kobe Bryant isn't even in the building and they blow out their longtime road nemesis Portland and decisively at that.

This is fascinating sports psychology because Gasol, Odom, Fish, Brown, Farmar, Walton, Bynum and most of all Artest rose up and played the game without their ace just like the Willis Reed-less Knicks overachieved decades ago in the pivotal game of the NBA Finals.

When Ron Ron hit a three just inside halfcourt at the end of the first half, you just knew the Lakers were gonna win. And win they did, convincingly at that, an upside the head beatdown just when they needed it most.

Despite their losing regular-season record against the top teams in the league, the Lakers showed why they are head and shoulders above everyone else playing the game.

Kobe's supporting cast have been subconsciously waiting for a chance to show the world what they're made of, and they did it in style against Portland.

Everyone stepped up and put pedal to metal, and for a change the boxscore will actually tell the real story.

LA simply dominated and this win will resonate with this team all the way to the end of the regular season. Scolding Papa Kobe wasn't even there but for certain he was watching somewhere rubbing his hands together with glee as this is Just What The Doctor Ordered, and Ted Nugent would heartily approve.

A team dependent on such a singular leader as Bryant needs a good dose of individual approbation every once in a while and tonight the Lakers threw down the gauntlet. Led by three guys -- Gasol, Bynum and Artest -- who would be The Man on most other teams but are subliminally undercut playing with one of the five greatest players ever to play the game in Bryant, the Lakers showed why they are not just the reigning champs but the team to beat come playoff time.

It does indeed take a village in the corporate nee sports world and LA showed how that matters. Playing without your top gun is a test of fortitude, talent and guts, and Phil Jackson knows it. I don't know if he forced KB to rest or not, but either way he gets credit and continues to solidify his position as the best manager of million dollar talent in sports.

Even without its stud Brandon Roy, Portland always finds a way to beat LA but this time it was overwhelmed by a group of athletes with powerful motivation -- showing their true boss KB that they can and will get it done without him.

Every sports squad around the globe can learn from this contest, learn that the whole is greater than the sum of its parts and that's why they call it a team game.

Laker Nation can now sit back and know their team is ready for anything, know they traded up for Ariza with Artest, know Gasol can be the main stem whenever he has to be.

A chilling prospect for the rest of the league, including the aging Celtics, the one-man Cavs and the creaky Spurs.

Phil Jackson never gets consideration for Coach of the Year honors, but it's a game like this that should remind voters why The Zen Master is in the same class as Red Auerbach, Vince Lombardi and Joe Torre.

Look out, NBA. The Lakers may be the incumbent champs, but they're still Hungry For That Good Thing, baby.

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Sun Sets On Boston's Era Of Domination

  • Monday, February 1, 2010 1:28 PM
  • Written By: Harry Parmenter

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Boston sports teams have hit the wall. They've got one thing going for them: Scott Brown. And who's to say the hardcore even wanted HIM to win.

The Celtics just had their worst four-day stretch in years. First, blowing a big first-half lead on the road in Orlando to a team that will no doubt face off with Cleveland in this year's ECF. Then losing to Atlanta, capping a four-zip season sweep for the Hawks. Joe Johnson and Co. have Boston's number. Fortunately for the Celts they won't face Atlanta in the EC Semis (if they get there). No, the Magic will be waiting and will prevail at this rate.

Yeah, many of us thought Boston reloaded with Sheed and Marquis Daniels and would challenge LA in June, but that's looking grim. The NBA, unlike MLB and the NFL, is purely a young man's game, and suddenly Boston looks old. Very old.

KG ain't the same after major knee surgery -- anyone who's gone under that knife can attest it ain't easy -- and Pierce and Allen have lost half a step, Wallace has been going downhill since LBJ decimated the Pistons in ECF Game 6 a few years ago, and Rajon Rondo, as great as he is -- and great he is --cannot do it all.

Boston isn't in the Amare Stoudemire derby and that probably wouldn't solve the problem anyway, not to mention the fact they'd have to give up Kendrick Perkins or Glen Davis to get him, the two of whom are Boston's best inside players.

LA and Herr Kobe beat them Sunday with another great finish -- Bryant is simply, along with James, the best there is, and you just knew the Lakers were going to pull it out. LA will only get better with studs Gasol and Artest just warming up and Andrew Bynum ... did you SEE that catch and tomahawk jam off the great entry pass from Kobe in the third quarter? The sky's the limit with this kid.

I remember vividly LA talk radio when Kupchak drafted Bynum ... the outcry, the backlash, the hue and cry ... what morons these spoiled Laker fans are. Big men don't grow on trees as the saying goes, and now the Lakers have not one but the two best bigs in the West, not to mention the entire league, as only Howard is in the same class. Add to that Odom, Farmar, a still capable Fish, Shannon Brown and Bryant ... good luck NBA.

David Stern is looking forward to the LeBron-Kobe June Final, and he'll get it. I still don't think Cleveland can beat LA four times despite its regular-season sweep. Cleveland still lives off a one-on-five attack when it matters, and James can only make so many three-pointers.

On the other hand if Cleveland lands Stoudemire, baggage and all, the Cavs could get it done. A core rotation of James, Williams, Shaq, Varejao, Amare, Hickson, West and Gibson could take LA to seven, and then who knows.

But back to Beantown. The Pats' reign is over. The league has caught up. Randy Moss will continue to cause problems, and the defense is riddled with holes even Hoodie Belichick can't fill. They had their run; now it's time to reload, which will take time.

Then there's The Red Sox. If they were smart they'd bring Johnny Damon back, because Adrian Beltre has had one good year (as a Dodger) in his career and he is incapable of replacing Mike Lowell's big bat, RBI prowess and clubhouse gravitas despite his shotgun arm. Kind of like replacing Graig Nettles with Aurelio Rodriguez, and that's overselling Beltre's arm.

The Bosox made a good move signing Lackey, and their rotation is the best in baseball, not to mention the pen remains strong and Pap will bounce back, but where is The Big Stick? No Bay, no Manny, and unless Big Papi has an offseason rendezvous with The Fountain of Youth he is done.

The Yankees, meanwhile, reload, cutting Damon, Cabrera and Nady, while picking up Curtis Granderson and Randy Winn, more than a good deal. Sports' greatest franchise thrives on bringing role players in for the trip of a lifetime, but Brian Cashman monitors their expiration date and always trades up or sideways when he has the chance.

The ultimate determining bidding war of the next five MLB years will be Boston and the Yankees pursuing Joe Mauer, as with both teams in need of new blood at catcher, Mauer can write his own ticket. I personally hope he stays in Minnesota, but I'm old fashioned and he will follow the money, probably to The Bronx.

When that happens look out. Joba will replace Rivera; Sabathia/Burnett/Hughes/ will form a drop-dead triumvirate for years to come, and Boston will be dying for a wildcard spot that won't come easy.

Boston, my hometown, a wonderfully provincial escape, has had a tremendous run of titles but it's OVER, just like hometown rockers Aerosmith.

The only advice: Follow the lead of Joe Perry, A-Smith axeman. Hit the road on your own, return to your punk roots, reenergize and regroup and reclaim greatness over time.

Let The Music Do The Talking.

The NFL's Halls Of Karma

  • Monday, January 25, 2010 10:43 AM
  • Written By: Harry Parmenter

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Jim Dandy Mangrum's greatest moment as lead croaker of seminal Southern 70s rock band Black Oak Arkansas was his spoken intro to Lord Have Mercy On My Soul, a tome he allegedly wrote in the midst of a good acid trip.

It's a song about God and The Devil, or however you want it ("I want it, I want it" came the urgent nee malevolent hillbilly whispers as a church organ hymned) and JD, in his own inestimable prescience, foresaw the 2010 Super Bowl.

In this corner, God, led by Robert Irsay, Peyton Manning and the Indianapolis Colts, who exonerated Jim Caldwell for pulling his starters against the Jets in a meaningless game a month ago.

In the other corner the New Orleans Saints, Bourbon Street denizens of debauchery who, despite representing the karma of Katrina, still personify hoodoo voodoo and Beelzebub.

At least in my twisted mind.

What a humdinger Sunday of football, the ultimate day for pigskin peeps as the Super Bowl tends to be a bellywhop. Mark Sanchez, Rex Ryan and his gang of wintergreen upstarts had a great run -- and they'll be back (I predict a Jets-Packer all green SB in 2012) but Peyton Manning ain't no Philip Rivers, and Pierre Garcon now gets to face off with Pierre Thomas in Miami in the first ever Battle of The Pierres in American sports history.

Too bad Pierre Salinger is no longer around to do the coin toss.

The Colts will be favored as well they should be, and not just because they have God in their corner. They withstood a terrific early start by New York, and their unheralded defense shut down the vaunted Jets' running attack in the second half, exposing a great rookie QB who is, still, a rookie.

Meanwhile pity poor Brett Favre.

The 40-year-old wunderkind (sic) took hit after hit and was Right There at the end of regulation and then, as he did on a cold night in Green Bay three years ago, screwed it all up.

Rolling right, an easy ten yards in front of him if he keeps it, slides and sets up Ryan Longwell for a gimme, he throws across his body -- the cardinal sin per Troy Aikman -- and the pick, the tackle, the clock runs out, the coin toss flutters Bourbon Street's way, and here's Garrett whomever knocking it thru from 40 with a perfect handle by Mark Brunell (who knew HE was a Saint? Love him).

Brett (and his wife and spitting image daughter -- and enough shots of her/them already -- where was Kim Kardashian's reactive shot when Reggie fumbled that punt, nearly costing his team the game???) can only console himself with the words of Jim Dandy ... "I walked through the Halls of Karma ... I shook hands with both The Devil and God ...").

Favre played valiantly, far better than Drew Brees, who didn't throw a perfect pass all day, as it was Sean Payton and the NOD who ensured a trip to Miami for the gris gris Saints.

Now if the NFL had any guts they would cancel The Who's reservations for halftime entertainment (sidebar: Daltrey and Townshend are sharing a cup of tea in Kensington when Bill Curbishley enters and says, "Well, gents, I've got a bit of bad news") and draft John Cougar Mellencamp and Dr. John for a halftime faceoff that would leave America's head spinning far worse than any wardrobe malfunction ever could.

Dr. John's accidental apocryphal hit "I been in the right place, but it must have been the wrong time" will come true for the Saints after Peyton Manning, Senor Garcon and the Colts finish with them.

Indy by ten as God beats the Devil at the beach.

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My Super Bowl Picks Are Sunk, But I'm Loving The Playoffs

  • Sunday, January 17, 2010 8:20 PM
  • Written By: Harry Parmenter

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Oh my f-ing God! The Chargers lost.

How did this happen?!

This was THE YEAR! This is right up there with the 2004 Pistons whupping LA in the NBA Finals, a great upset in the new millenium.

Everybody else took care of business on home court: Saints/Colts/Vikings. And SD laid an egg.

This Rex Ryan cat is the new God of professional sports. Handing out parade itineraries and then leaking to media (like that wouldn't happen in the land of the NYC Tabloid, so calculated not to mention brilliant).

So it's 7-0 SD at half and you could just feel the Jets' emotion coming out of there. They take it down and get 3, Sanchez imbued with confidence while somewhere Pete Carroll is watching and admitting, yeah, that kid was ready to go pro ...

JFC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Jets pulled it off. Now they go to Indy and only need to replicate their week 15 Ubangi Stomp v. Colts' subs, and they are going to Miami. And at this point I have no doubt they will not only do that but eke by the winner of the NFC Title Duke, which will be one for the ages. Who knows which bloody combatant emerging victorious as both teams simply are superb, illustrated by their twin beatdowns this weekend.

Drew Brees, Brett Favre, pick your poison. Gut tells me it will be the Saints, riding the wave of post-Katrina emotion, but who knows, I am out of the prediction business, having picked SD over Dallas in Miami. What a moron I am.

Brett F. and Co looked unstoppable Sunday, with the Vikes' DL looking like The Fearsome Foursome. Unfortunately for them, it appears Ray Edwards has a torn meniscus (I know that injury too well) and that could spell doom in The Big Easy. Regardless, it will be a war, and only Peyton Manning's happy feet will prevent the mint-chocolate-chip-helmeted Jets from advancing.

My God, this is why we love the NFL.

What a great weekend of football. Yeah, only one game was close but I watched every down like a junkie like tens of millions of other Americans. Pants On The Ground indeed.

Football is THE sport in our country for a reason: We do it best. Let's see China, Russia, Europa or the Terrorists play us in in football. It would be 49-zip after 15 minutes.

Not that it really matters in global politics but it feels good to say it.

Go Jets!

Go Colts!

Go Saints!

Go Vikings!

Go America!

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God Bless The NFL

  • Sunday, January 10, 2010 9:00 PM
  • Written By: Harry Parmenter

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What a weekend.

Yes, three of four weren't close but the one that was, AZ-GB, an instant classic.

A more high-scoring, enthralling playoff game we have never seen, with Aaron Rodgers and the great Kurt Warner dueling into the desert dusk. Thanks to Neil Rackers' untimely hook kick, we saw a nailbiting OT decided by an unlikely defensive play initiated by AZ DB Michael Adams, whose embarrassing first half kept GB in the game. Poetic justic for that young man, causing a Rodgers fumble that led to a Dansby return and defensive TD as Arizona erupted in celebration.

It was one of those games neither team deserved to lose. Warner and the Cardinals executing a first-half beatdown with immeasurable precision. Green Bay only surviving the onslaught with a bad-ref, horse-collar call and multiple Adams' miscues that made it respectable at the midway mark.

Then GB kicked it in in the second half, with Rodgers and Finley looking like Montana and Rice and leading the Pack to a tie at the end of regulation. Fantastic sports.

Arizona escaped with the win but a young Green Bay team has nothing to be ashamed of, and it will be Super Bowl champs within three years.

Meanwhile, Baltimore, as I expected, put the Ubangi Stomp on New England, whose dynasty is OVER. The Ravens took Pittsburgh to the limit last year and I predict they will beat Indy on their home field to advance next week. Say what you will about Ray Lewis, but he is the best defensive player in the playoffs and his inspiration is the nexus of the crisis for this team.

The Jets looked great dispatching a porous Cincinnati team but visiting San Diego will derail Rex Ryan's parade plans. The future looks bright for Mark Sanchez and the Jets, but San Diego has been knocking on the door for years and the Chargers will wipe out New York en route to their first Super Bowl win.

The Jets' only hope is to do a Colt McCoy on Rivers early; otherwise they will fail.

And how 'bout them Cowboys?! Finally Wade Phillips has the monkey off his back, Tony Romo is on fire and the defense, led by DeMarcus Ware, will not be stopped. Get ready for major heat, Mr. Favre. You're going down, again and again.

Arizona and the Saints will be a wild one, as, like last year, no one has been talking about the Cards. Warner is simply the greatest postseason QB along with Bradshaw and Montana, but I'll stick with New Orleans to eke one out before falling to Dallas in the NFC title game.

Regardless of my wild-ass prophecies, pro football continues to give us sports fans the best value per minute on the American landscape. Knock parity if you will, but to me it adds up to pure playoff excitement, and that's what we're all here for.

Bama-Texas BCS Clash Had Friday Night Lights Feel To It

  • Friday, January 8, 2010 12:41 AM
  • Written By: Harry Parmenter

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Well, that was at once an exciting and horrific display of college football.

It reminds us that these are kids out there, teenagers with acne doing their best to grow up on television.

What a game.

Great to see both coaches also behave like adolescents, between Nick Saban's first-series idiotic fake punt and Mack Brown's first-half dumbass call that cost his team the game.

The Man of The Hour is clearly Garrett Gilbert. Even though his team lost, what a performance by an untested freshman. It is somehow poetic that, after all the hype, the game changed instantly when Colt McCoy went down.

Yes, the kid coughed it up at the end and Bama lucked out with a win, but Gilbert deserves kudos for his performance under pressure.

He came in out of nowhere, he kept his team in the game, and if not for Brown's inexplicable call at the end of the first half, it may have all been different.

What I loved about this game is that it was full of youth.

We are all so jaded by college athletes and young professionals who are so poised and perfect. And tonight was like going to a Friday Night Lights high school game where anything can -- and did -- happen.

It was wonderful.

On the other hand, after watching ESPN's Classic Replay of the Texas-USC 2006 Rose Bowl faceoff, it looked like a girly match tonight, but, hey, these are kids, like I said. The aforementioned game was the greatest CFB game in history, full of Men named Young, Leinart, Bush, Smith and White, with one man (Vince) turning in a magnificent individual effort to lead his team to victory.

Tonight was different.

Mark Ingram was impressive but not dominant, and he will not be the second coming of Chris Johnson or Emmitt Smith in the NFL.

I won't even bother to quote McElroy's embarrassing stats ... he got his W and a BCS Title. Good for him.

The Arenas-Crittenton incident reminds us all that these are all young men under the million dollar glass of national scrutiny.

Here's to the amateur athlete, who was on ample display tonight.

God Bless Em.

NFL Playoffs Picks: Top Seeds Colts, Saints Won't Reach Super Bowl

  • Sunday, January 3, 2010 9:24 PM
  • Written By: Harry Parmenter

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And so 17 weeks of abject brutality have brought us here ...

NFC
Saints/Vikings/Cowboys/Eagles/Packers/Cardinals.

AFC
Colts/Patriots/Ravens/Jets/Chargers/Bengals.

What a great season it has been. I love parity. Every team has a chance.

Of course there's one team every year who gets in by the skin of their teeth. That would be the New York Jets. Yeah, they may have backed the truck in thanks to Indy and Cinnci laying down but they still showed more mettle and guts than that other NY team, the Giants.

Before we get to the post can we consider the Giants? The G-Men were D-Girls the last two weeks, embarrassed at home and on the road versus equitable opponents.

Don't blame Eli. He had his best year ever with a corps of young receivers and pack of underachieving running backs. The seeds of this team's discontent go back to that NY nightclub where Plaxico Burress and Antonio Pierce exposed their immaturity. Plax is doing hard time instead of pulling down clutch wideout bullets while AP has never recovered from his flagrant association, and the Giants have just gotten the bill.

Don't fire Tom Coughlin. He did the best he could with the dealt hand. Extenuating circumstances are the culprit.

Meanwhile the Cowboys look good. Damn good. And that's without Roy Williams in the mix. If they get him in rhythm, look out. If they don't, they can still go far. First, however, they will have to do the difficult, beating the Eagles twice in a row on the same field.

I say they do, as long as their offensive line continues to dominate the hate and the D controls DeSean Jackson. A tall order, but they're up to it.

Green Bay-Arizona; that should be wild. I'll take Arizona, who, as usual, nobody is talking about. Kurt Warner makes another pit stop on his way to Canton.

Minnesota and New Orleans rest, and only one prevails, as Dallas goes to Miami. Great football is in store the next two weeks.

Over in the AFC, San Diego runs the table. Baltimore wins, the Jets lose, and Peyton Manning faces off vs. Philip Rivers in one for the ages. Antonio Gates, Vincent Jackson, LT and Darren Sproles are the difference as the Chargers' hot hand burns all the way to Miami.

Jim Caldwell is unjustifiably crucified (exhibit A: Wes Welker) as San Diego advances.

God, I Love The NFL.

San Diego 35
Dallas 24


Here we go now ...

Chargers, Celtics, Red Sox Will Reign In 2010

  • Wednesday, December 30, 2009 11:29 PM
  • Written By: Harry Parmenter

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Well it's that time of year, when blogger idiots like me throw out scattershot crystal ball opinions about What Lies Ahead ... Let's get right to it.

NFL
San Diego over Dallas in Super Bowl Whatever.

The Chargers have paid their dues, knocked on the door and gone away empty, but this is the year all that ends. Philip Rivers is surrounded by his penultimate offense, and the defense is good enough to prevail in any number of shootouts, which is what the NFL is about in The Age of Parity.

LaDainian Tomlinson and Darren Sproles will get it done on the ground, and Vincent Jackson, Antonio Gates et. al. will complement them and grab the brass (?) ring as the Chargers finally do what antecedents Don Coryell and Dan Fouts could not do: Win The Big One. Norv Turner gets the monkey off his back at long last, and there's a boat parade in San Diego. No one drowns.

The Cowboys make a brilliant run through the NFC and while not prevailing in Miami, save Wade Phillips' job. Tony Romo proves he is a great quarterback regardless of whom he's dating.

Indy and New Orleans go home bitter, but Drew Brees leads the Saints to a 2011 Super Bowl triumph while Jim Caldwell is haunted by pulling his starters and allowing the pathetic Jets into the playoffs in 2010. Rex Ryan weeps openly when the Jets are trounced by Baltimore.

NBA
Boston over LA in a classic seven-game duel. Kobe Bryant is unstoppable but Andrew Bynum fails to outdo Kendrick Perkins and Rasheed Wallace, and Rajon Rondo is the X factor. Jordan Farmar makes

a big mistake at crunch time and LA media second-guesses him to death. Ron Artest falls down the stairs after the loss and blames it on the Tooth Fairy.

Stan Van Gundy is fired after an ECF blowup with Dwight Howard, who finally realizes he needs to work on his post game in the offseason so he can become the next Hakeem Olajuwon.

Denver and San Antonio have a holy war of a semifinal that the Spurs win before falling to the Lakers in six. Nuggets players vote to remove all their tattoos, which benches them until 2015.

Tracy McGrady joins the Harlem Globetrotters for a Washington General to be named later.

Barack Obama welcomes the Celtics to the White House and challenges Brian Scalabrine to a game of one on one, wins and is reelected in a landslide. Rahm Emanuel replaces Stan Van Gundy in a government bailout.

MLB
The reloaded Yankees run away with the AL East but it is the hated Red Sox who dominate the playoffs, vanquishing their hated enemies in six before falling to Philadelphia in seven in the World Series, which will be played in February thanks to global freezing delays.

Kevin Youkilis is World Series MVP as the three-armed beast of Beckett/Lester/Lackey dominates red October and all is well in the sports capital of America, Boston.

MLS/NHL
Who cares?

Vancouver Winter Olympics
Black speedskater Shani Davis carries the USA flag into the opening ceremonies before dominating his sport with a handful of gold medals. A bewildered Madison Avenue sees the next Tiger Woods and floods him with lucrative endorsement offers.

Golf
Tiger rebounds with unqualified excellence, putting his personal problems behind him by winning the U.S. Open and Masters, while an Asian under the age of 25 wins the British Open as Tokyo celebrates.

Tennis
Brit Andy Murray finally breaks through and wins Wimbledon, while Rafi Nadal takes the U.S and French Opens. Roger Federer consoles himself with another Aussie title. The Williams sisters continue to dominate the femme field, without body-cavity threats to unsuspecting linesmen/women.

March Madness
Cincinnati runs the table and stuns perennial ACC favorites with a Final Four triumph.

UCLA coach Ben Howland is fired after an early exit.

Bill Walton takes over.

College Football
Utah astounds national onlookers with a BCS triumph over Alabama. The entire team celebrates by going on a two-year mission to try and get Mitt Romney the Republican nomination in 2012, which fails.

You read it here first ...

Decade's Best Role Models

  • Saturday, December 26, 2009 9:44 AM
  • Written By: Harry Parmenter

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The term role model gets thrown around every day in sports media.

What does it mean? Tiger Woods was considered a god six weeks ago but now he is anathema to sponsors, tabloid fodder and a late night punchline.

But is that fair?

Shouldn't an athlete be judged by what he does in his field? Trust the art not the artist and all that?

My take is what we see, hear and crave as sports fans is excellence in endeavor. You think Ty Cobb was a nice guy? You think Wilt Chamberlain didn't spawn a thousand illegitimate children? You think Joe Namath was an angel?

Who cares, in my book. Let he who is without sin cast the first stone as The Bible says. Public figures are just that, people devoid of personal privacy whose business off the field is theirs and theirs alone. This media microscopic age magnifies all missteps, all blemishes, and we should all be grateful as sports fans that the same probing light is not shined on our own mundane existences. Because none of us would stand up to the glare either.

Star athletes make big money, receive constant accolades and adoration, but, like actors, politicians and corporate barons, deserve their own personal lives.

Role models are those who stretch their physical, mental and spiritual abilities and gifts to extraordinary levels, and their human foibles away from sports are irrelevant in my book.

With that said, I give you my Top Ten Athlete/Role Models of The Decade:

10) Dustin Pedroia/Kevin Youkilis
Both men symbolize the spirit and tenacity that has defined the Bosox this decade. Neither was a coveted draftee, an overnight success. To the contrary they both overachieved to embrace greatness. Like every man on this list they always hustle, always do their best, fueled by their outlier tendencies (with a big reference to Malcolm Gladwell's theory) and tenacious drive. Youk and Pedroia always give Red Sox faithful their money's worth. Neither was blessed with supreme talent and each serve as an example to young athletes everywhere with the key E word: EFFORT.

9) Michael Phelps
I could give a rat's ass if he smokes weed. I mean, REALLY. If we just legalize it, we'd kill the insidious Mexican druglord trade which, unchecked, will bring massive carnage across our border in the coming decade. But that's another story.

Phelps' success is purely based on drive. He's a big, rangy kid, an obvious natural in the pool, but he has shattered records set by mankind from across the globe and across the ages. He is a great physical specimen, of course, but swimming is work, and swimming fast is REALLY work, and nobody has ever done it better. And I'll take a guy with a bong over a guy with steroids anytime. Because smoking doesn't exactly help the lungs, ya think? He is The Aquatic God.

8) Tiger Woods
Like I said above, I don't care about his personal problems. He doesn't care about mine. We're even.

He probably should be ranked higher because his prowess on the fairways, roughs, traps and greens of the world is unparalleled. His work effort, like all on this list, is key. And he, a black man, ironically, has singlehandedly reinvented and reinvigorated an old white man's game with his genius. I see zero problem with him being named AP Male Athlete of The Decade.

7) Phil Jackson.
Knick fans like me remember the gangly, awkward Action Jackson. Read Bill Bradley's "Life on the Run" or Dave DeBusschere's "The Open Man" and you will see the real Phil.

And that guy is just good: Warm, fun, an average guy who elbowed his way to a solid career as a ballplayer before becoming one of the greatest coaches in hoop history. The Zen Master, The Montana Wildhack coach, who was the first ever to let his team chill during a timeout instead of haranguing them insistently (listen up, Van Gundys), he has rolled with the punches and ages to become the Red Auerbach of our lifetime. The modern athlete must be treated like a Stradivarius, and nobody does it better than Phil.

6) Bill Belichick/Pete Carroll.
While we're on the subject, let's include the two greatest football coaches of the past ten years, pro and college.

These guys have redefined Al Davis' Commitment to Excellence mantra. Forget about Bill's oft-criticized bedside manner; he just gets it done. Few teams without genuine superstars have maintained consistent glory and that's because the real superstar in the organization is the guy in the hoodie.

Carroll has brought college football's greatest franchise (sorry, Irish) back to glory. Go ahead, whine about the allegations of players accepting favors; you think college athletes don't get a free ride? Wake up. They should be paid. And Carroll has always been a class act -- just take a look at the inner-city work he has done from the crappy neighborhood that is USC. And don't tell me about throwing the bomb against UCLA the other day; Neuheisel is a punk and any competitor would have done the same thing.

Both these guys play in a cutthroat sandbox and do what it takes to win, and I'd bet my mortgage they've saved more souls than they've lost.

5) Kevin Garnett.
I've never seen a ballplayer sweat like this guy. That's because he leaves it on the floor every night and every practice. He slaved away for years in freezing Minneapolis and never dogged it, as so many others would have. Since joining Boston he has showed Russell-like fortitude. Now for his next act, if he can make Rasheed Wallace play hard and not implode in the playoffs, he will add the nickname Houdini to his resume.

4) Mariano Rivera.
Simply the greatest reliever in baseball history, a specialist whose surgical skills have carved the bats off numerous greats.

This religious, Panamanian import has been the dominant figure in his game since joining the Yankees. Yeah, he failed a couple of times against Arizona and Boston, but those hits merely renewed

his quest for perfection.

We will never see the likes of him again. Whatever Steinbrenner scout signed him deserves a luxury tax for life of his own.

3) Peyton Manning.
What can you say? Only Joe Montana is in the same sentence, and he had a better defense. Peyton is not only an offensive evisceration machine, he's hilarious on television (without doubt the best perf by an athlete in the history of SNL -- at least until we see Charles Barkley again in January) and an all-around good guy whose multi-talented brother Eli stands in the shadows despite himself being one of the greats of the decade.

2) Kobe.
I personally dislike The Black Mamba, but who cares? When I read that he had spent the offseason working on footwork with Hakeem Olajuwon, I could only shake my head. Didn't the same idea occur to Dwight Howard? No.

Regardless, this is a man driven to win like few others, and he never stops working. My admiration may be begrudging, but he works harder than any guy in hoop history with his God-given abilities, and the parades have only begun on Figueroa for the Lakers.

1) Derek Jeter.
Anybody who gets more hits than any Yankee in history is exceptional, but I won't remember him for his clutch hits and bat prowess. I, like you, will remember him for putting his body on the line going into the third base stands for a foul ball, emerging bloody and unbowed. I will remember him for his mental acuity, with his flip to the plate to get an astonished Oakland runner. I will remember him for running out every ball, always giving his absolute all, always honoring the game with unflagging effort and bravado.

Because that's what a role model is. Someone who embraces work. Someone who never gives up. Someone who cannot regret defeat because he has given every ounce of blood, sweat and tears he has to help his team, or himself if it's an individual sport.

Every man on this list personifies that American spirit, to be the best, to lift others and to be free.

That's what a role model means to me.

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